How to handle unsupportive family and friends?

My delivery is, as always, flawless. I win stand-up comedy contests. Unfortunately, my sharp wit tends to land me in disciplinary hearings.

The real challenge is going to be at work. If you think I'm going to tell THOSE clowns what I'm up to... yeah. Not so much. These are the sort of people who take advice from "Doctor Oz". I'll tell them I felt like losing weight or that my doctor put me on a diet. It's not exactly a lie. Too bad WLS has a stigma attached to it. I comfort myself knowing that in 50 years, there will probably be better treatments for obesity. And they'll say things like "Back in the old days, people used to get their stomachs cut up! Isn't that barbaric?" Sort of like these days we say, "Back in the old days, people used to undergo exorcisms for epilepsy! Isn't that barbaric?"

They don't live in your body.  They don't know how being overweight makes YOU feel physically or mentally.

I say f' em.  This is your choice, your health, and you are worth the change to be healthier and happier.  It is not your problem if they choose to remain unsupportive and resentful.  That's on them.

HI: When we are adults we can make up our own minds and decision about our lives. That’s why I only told two people in my life, my two daughters that understand what I go through on a daily bases with my weight. Both my girls are very supportive about (MY) decision to have VSG surgery.
I Love my friends and family, but there are things we can not and should not share.

My daily prayer.

GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CAN NOT CHANGE;   COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS THAT I CAN; AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

The Best to you.

88.

One of the most powerful phrases in the English language: "I'm sorry you feel that way."

New friends? Sorry you feel that way.
So unhealthy? Sorry you feel that way.
No pig outs? Sorry you feel that way.

I would follow it up with your assessment of how it makes you feel eg
No pig outs? Sorry you feel that way. And, while we are on the topic, I'm disappointed that our friendship doesn't mean more to you than that because it means a lot to me and I was hoping for your support here.

Shift it back on them, seriously! They own these opinions - you don't have to. By invoking that phrase, you hand it back to them.

The info is out there now, no take backs, right? The approach I might take is not giving them space in your head. Your decision is yours, and their opinions are theirs.

Sorry you have to go through this-

Laurie

That's a really good way to put it. I need to tattoo that on my hand or something, seriously, for whenever someone has a non-constructive thing to say to me.

And ditto on the Buffet Buddies. "Ok, sure, we won't be able to get thrown out of the Golden Corral anymore, but our friendship is about more than just finding out how many Walls of Gluttony we can get our pictures put up on when we win the 8-Pound Cheezburger Challenge. Right? Riiight?"

Thanks for the tip.

I would tell them you do not want to talk about out it with them and change the subject.I don't think they think you look gross.I think they know you will be happier.It is such a hard choice to tell everyone.I haven't told anyone in my family just this is what I would have to deal with.But on the other hand if you don't tell them will try to figure out later what's going on with you losing so much weight at a time.But since you spilled the beans just try to be around people who are supportive.The ones who are being a pain in the butt just try to blow them off.Some people it's not worth arguing with .I have learned over the years that sometimes our friendships are based on eating food or drinking alcohol.And that is all you have in common.And those people freak out because they think they will have to look in the mirror and figure out where their life is going.You deserve to be healthy and happy.Don't let anyone take that from you.

Your post is very witty! Thank you!

As for me, I am so lucky that my sister, who lives with me, is supportive! She's the one who has taken care of me and she has never said anything negative what so ever. She always asks how my liquid intake is and things like that. My 3 kids are supportive as well. They're 17, 10, and 8. BUT the buck pretty much stops there. I told one of my best friends in the beginning when I was really starting to research and she seemed supportive, but then I told my mother and she flipped out! "OMG! Why would you do that? That so so bad! Blah, blah, blah!" Well, do you want to know what she has used to lose weight her whole life? Crystal meth. And she has even recommended it to me once before I chewed her ass and told her to never say something like that to me again! After that, I reported my mothers behavior to my BFF and then she changed her whole tune and said she agreed with my mom!! So now our relationship is strained :-( I think she may be jealous because she struggles with her weight as well. Since then, I just stopped telling people. After I had the surgery, I finally told my friend because she wanted to do some weight loss thing with me & I had to tell her couldn't because I had a huge advantage over her... Then I think she felt really bad knowing that I had had surgery and didn't even tell her.

That's my 2 cents! Hang in there. I say stop telling people and stop talking about it to the ones who are unsupportive.

Crystal meth? Seriously? I mean, you'd lose weight if you chopped off both your legs, too, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea!

It sounds like your BFF is struggling with some issues of her own. It's not about you. It's about how she feels about her own struggle with obesity.

I'm not going to tell everyone about my surgery, no. I made a locked post on my Facebook and told a select group of people whom I figured would have found out anyway. My casual contacts and co-workers don't know. They only know that I'm having some surgery and that's all they need to know, as far as I'm concerned.

Okay, you are funny. If you don't write or have a blog, you definitely should.

It's amazing how people only think about themselves and project their own issues and insecurities onto us. Yes, you should stay fat so your friends have a pig-out partner. *Face palm*

It sounds like you have pretty good perspective on this thing. You understand this is all projection. 

I will say...try not to take the "you will look so good" comments, and once you've lost, the "you look great now" comments personally. I know it's easy to be hurt by that. People don't think before they speak. Well, some don't. Others don't want to offend you, so they don't say a single word about your weight loss to the point you start to get upset that you've lost 50+ lbs and no one seems to notice. One of those "damned if you do, damned if you don't" things. 

 

I've considered blogging and YouTubing my progress once I have surgery. I took some 'mugshot' Before photos already. So, that's on the table. I'm a programmer so setting up a blog is nuthin' but a thang. Dunno if anyone would like to visit or read about my life, really - I've got no kids and no super awesome adventuresome hobbies, but I think I'm pretty cool. I may do a Warren Ellis type thing where I share some of my comics, some of my favorite music, recipes (I'll probably ALWAYS be a foodie) and so on. I've read a few blogs from members here where people did some crazy awesome things once they lost weight and became more mobile.

I've been bullied since childhood over my weight, and have literally heard it all, so the comedy comes naturally. People find it hard to make fun of a funny person.

The "you look so good" comments, I know I'm going to get a lot of that and that will be the HARDEST thing ever. I realize that losing weight will probably expand my career opportunities. It shouldn't, of course, but it will. And that's part of the reason why I'm doing it. I'm pretty sure I will just have to grin and bear the "wow, you look great" type of comments. Now, the "wow, you are awesome" comments will get a "I was always awesome". Every time. Because I am, I was, and I will always be a pretty cool person.