Had dinner with my my doctor :)

Some strange responses to your original post. Your doctor has provided his trusted opinion and it makes complete sense.  As you've said, you know what you need to do and you will follow through. 

I am just under 5’2” and look and feel my best at 132. Years ago, I had a friend who weighed 110. One winter she was out of town and called a few times to say she was gaining weight.

She said that she had gotten up to 118. I was sort of secretly laughing at her concern. That seemed like such a low weight to me. Then she came back to town and I was stunned to see her. She looked like a blown up balloon. Her husband and my husband both said that she looked great at her new weight.

I took her aside and told her the truth. She quickly cut out the extra eating and went back to 110. I have larger bones and more muscle than she carries. I would not look good at 110 but she looked terrible at 118.

I have another friend who is not anorexic but always looked like she was. She is 5’10 and always stays at 118. She is just naturally made that way. She does not look healthy or very attractive.   All of her ribs and backbones are clearly defined. She eats well but just does not gain.

The number that is right for a person is highly personal. Gaining weight is extremely easy for most of us. I have to stay obsessed with the scale or I will quickly get out of control. Elina reminds me that there will never be a point where I will be able to just forget about my weight and it will not go back up.

Your point is exactly on target.  I have a very small frame and low weight works for me.  I have a friend with a larger frame and a different build but the same height (within an inch or so) who looks much better with a little more weight, maybe as much as 20 pounds. 

The real interesting thing to me is how everyone reads my post differently than what I had intended.  This was not really a post about weight loss, or regain.  It was a post about having an unexpected dinner with my doctor and going to support group.  Yes, I talked about the regain and my reasons why I was rationalizing it and fighting the weight loss, but I wasn't really looking for advice or opinions.  (Not that I mind the advice or opinions, more that I just didn't expect them).

In a way, I am glad that this turned into what it did because it forced me to more closely evaluate my doctor's advice and form words around the thought process.  He was pointing out to me that my lifestyle, going out with friends, drinking wine and celebrating life with wine and drink 2-3 times a day, was unsustainable in the long run.  He doesn't care how I change things around but he is adamant that I need to do it in a sustainable long term way.  It is not the specific weight that he is against, but the behavior that keeps getting me to it and my blind spot about this behavior.  He is attacking my stubbornness and sense  of entitlement (to the wine and food) on a regular basis and is calling my bluff while uncovering my rationalizations.  I love him for it.  I have some serious thinking to do and life changes to make. 

This journey is not ever really supposed to be on auto pilot, if you find yourself there, be very careful.  The truth for most of us is that we have a blind spot the size of Grand Canyon when it comes to our weight and we are not aware when we are in it.  That's why they call it our blind spot.  :)

Thank you for your words and your respond. 

So, I think this is a very clear response, Elina. You fully see, now, what your doc so blatantly (I love him and I have never met him. Sounds like he's my kind of person) said.

I'm not sure how much of what I think you want, but since you didn't put any restraints on me :-), I'm going to say exactly what I think. Prepare for shock and awe.

I see what INgirl is saying about this behavior becoming a cyclical thing for you and I think she is right in that the cyclical behavior can turn into its own monster. INgirl's insights should not be ignored because she has worked her ass of to not have a wide swinging pendulum - something I will work toward for the rest of my life. Also, she's my badass spiritual twin, so there's that, too. 

But, I know someone else who is very similar to you in that she MUST have social events in her life, or she will literally have no reason to get our of bed. She and you are very social creatures and that throws an interesting dilemma into the way you navigate your life. Tell me if any of this sounds familiar - Something social AT LEAST once a week (probably more like 3-5 times and almost daily during any holidays), loves to have a glass of something in your hand (most likely a fine wine) as you walks the room and chats with everyone, said social events are like fuel to get through the week for her, likes to try any kind of food - especially if it is bite-sized and something new and different. Am I close? 

So, the conundrum you social folks have is how to maintain your comfortable weight AND have these wonderful social events that inflate your deflated, beat down balloon. My friend attacks this issue by eating a bare minimum of foods (600-800 calories, all protein and veggies - bare minimum meaning that she doesn't deviate much in between social events) and she guzzles water in between her social events. That way, when she gets to the social event, she doesn't feel deprived - and deprivation to an extreme extrovert is a death sentence. The glass of wine in her hand, the new, fun foods are all a part of what she loves about life, her social occasions, the parties she attends. They all go together - there's no separating the food and drinks from the socializing. And honestly, we all know how hard that is to do. "I'll go to the party, but I'm only drinking water." Yeah...no.

So, what are you willing to give up to keep that glass of wine and the salmon tartar on a baguette? 

Here's what I think - your soup is extremely healthy. I live on it. I'm making more today. My husband lives on it. He's overseas and I thought he was going to hyperventilate and pass out when I told him that I was running out. It's okay, Honey - I'm making more today. When you are saying "soup" people are hearing broth, crap, junk soup. They don't know what you put in the soup. I do. It's one of the healthiest things I've ever eaten. Thanks again for the recipe. I modify mine a little. People don't understand that you are getting ALL of your daily veggies, ALL of your daily protein, antioxidants, etc from the soup. Maybe you need to post the soup so that people see what you are eating and they can back the **** off you. Use the soup. It's awesome and yummy and filling and is by no means a deprivation of any kind. 

Okay, I got off on a soup tangent - back to my thoughts. If you want to stay social, you need to clean up your eating in between. Live on soup and veggies for the days that don't have social events planned. Throw in some greek yogurt on the social day. 

The next thing that you need to do is stop making excuses. If 105 is too hard to maintain, then go back down to 105 and make the CONSCIOUS decision to go up to 110-112. The hidden problem here is that you are creating a new issue that is becoming cyclical. You need to break this cycle. The best way to break the cycle is to have a plan. Have a plan for the in-between times. IMO, this is no different the what I see skinny folks do. My SIL is skinny and she this is how she handles a lot of social events. She will eat a very light breakfast, maybe just a shake for lunch and "save" her calories for the evening. Then, she takes stock on her weight and makes some adjustments for a day to two after the party. This is also how my friend is handling social events and so far it is working very well for her.

About the picture. I can see the added pounds. I am not stupid enough to say that they don't look good on you because you are a beautiful woman no matter what. If you like them, keep them, but on YOUR terms. Make it a decision to go up in weight. Do it with diet and exercise - not with parties and socializing. 

Okay, hit me now. 

I love you, seriously.. love you.

Yes, the soup (back to the ******g soup.. it's healthy as hell, no doubt. Hell, it's tasty too.. I make it, but no way could I manage sub 800 cal/day at this point, more like 2-2.5 times that.) It is indeed the pattern that triggers my red alert, for myself, or others I care about.. and now that the weather is warming and friends are coming out of hibernation, the party season starts.. and I like our friend E..  live and love and socialize and network at parties.. It's part of life.. I know for me, there is no freaking way I can maintain at my lowest 130something weight without serious weight lifting (not only physically impossible as I'm dealing with a nasty RSI, but also did NOT look good on me regardless) or serious deprivation (gasp, that dirty, dirty word..) but I can and do cut back a bit to keep a more even keel during party season.. granted, I no longer will step on a scale daily (my own psychology contradicts this).. but my jeans from prior concrete exp keeps me in a 7lb window of comfort. What leads me outside this window: wine, parties, booze and party food.. more than a couple days in a row.. otherwise, I'm pretty much good. I can't do the yo-yo routine, it leads me down a very slippery slope.. my swing is pretty slow and mild, and my correction point is just as slow and mild, anything else triggers me towards the all-or-nothing route. I may take an entire month to go from snug (3lbs up) to comfy again (3lbs down..) factor in water weight fluctuations and you can see how tiny that swing really is.

Yes you and E are similar in most of what you do and think. She does tighten things up in between the social occasions a lot more than you do, I think, but that is also because she feels better at a lower weight. You like the mid-range weight. I like the higher end of my range, but my people have asses and hips that could seriously knock someone unconscious. 

The other thing you haven't talked about is that you watch trends - yes, I remember your cool weight trend chart. It made my type-A personally very happy to see your chart. You are working hard to stay within a comfortable range, but you are doing it in ways that don't make you crazy. If memory serves, you are the one who turned me onto the green zone, yellow zone, red zone. I think you just give yourself a little more time to handle gain - if it happens. 

It is all about creating a safety net through checks and balances.  

So enough of this topic - RSI - what the hell? How long has this been going on? 

IN girl, You've presented a very wise point of view and I appreciate your expression. I am only 6 months into this lifelong journey and it's a struggle to find balance. I know my personality and have really been working hard during this honeymoon phase to alter behaviors. As I read more and more, I've come to realize that initial weight loss is the easy part.  Maintenance and lifestyle balance for life is where the real struggle begins. 

I'm so appreciative that someone with your insight and obvious intellect chimed in. Many have thought exactly what you've written but either didn't have the balls to post or the eloquence to convey.

You should share often. You have lots of wisdom. 

Kelli

Elina, thank you, as always, for your post.  I met you I person last October and you look great. Yes,you are a little,tiny person,but so are millions of other healthy people.  I have become a little, tiny person and am dealing with reactions to it all the time.  We are the same height, I am at least 10 years older than you, and I have been maintaining at 102-104 for 6 months.  Yes, my chest is bony!  But, if I had some boobs actually ON my chest, I don't think anyone would notice the bones.  Do I think I might look better with 10 pounds on?  Yes, I do.  BUT, I am healthy at this size and I am still in the very early days of maintenance.  I have a very long road ahead of me and I know from past experience how easy it is to abandon all discipline and gain weight.  For now, I choose to stay little and would not consider putting weight on purposely unless advised to do so by my doctor.

also, for the record, I don't think it is fair to say ( as one poster did) that you fast on soup to lose weight.  You are always clear when you are in weight loss mode that the soup is to help keep you satisfied.  

Get a grip people!  We all have the choice of where we want to be, but do not have the right to demean others for their choices.   Elina deserves a lot of respect, as does Frisco, for their ongoing commitment to those of us who are following behind.

Connie: for the record, and to be completely fair, Elina herself calls it a fast, and it is one when you are eating/drinking less than 600cals a day:

However, during the soup fast, I take in about 500-600 calories at most.  Almost all of them come from protein. The first day was not too bad, but the evening was hard.  The second day was a huge fight.  The third day was surprisingly easy.  I had no hunger at all and if anything, more energy than before.  This is my fourth day today, I am not hungry and haven't even had my breakfast yet.  I will go get it after I type this, but I am not craving and that is my big point.  I see many posts about hunger.  My doctor has always maintained that the carbs increase our hunger.  Darn it, he's right again.  Also, Frisco always told me that he tried to see how little he can eat now rather than how much he can eat.  He chooses to go long periods without food and finds that this decreases his hunger.

Above is from her own post.. and again I am not being critical against her, I firmly believe in individual choice on eating/body issues. I am putting this out there as this is not something that from a behavioral point of view, would be healthy to encourage (whether directly or indirectly) to people that MAY have latent, or active eating disorders.. and considering the audience, it seems a prudent point of view, regardless of anyone else reaction. You can take my opinion or leave it at your choosing, but I choose my words and my point of view very carefully, and as accurately as possible. I am not trying to be antagonistic, but I see and react to patterns very strongly, and have a very good memory to boot. I have seen a few people slip into a very unhealthy space post-op, and wish nothing but the best for anyone who chooses to alter their guts to achieve better health.

When I do my soup days, they are only to shrink my capacity and not really about weight loss.  Yes, I do lose weight during that time, but I don't stay on it for very long.  Usually three or four days and I feel much better restriction after I do it.  It works for me.  I have also told people that the same exact thing can be achieved through simply eating per-planned amounts of protein and veggies for a few days.  The soup is just easier for me.  Call it a fast, call it eating protein and veggies is smaller amounts to get back on program, call it whatever.  It simply makes my life easier when I want to get my head back in the game.  My answer to White Dove, is more on the money.  The point my doctor is making is that my life as I have chosen to live it is unsustainable and I need to reevaluate some of my life style choices.  He is right.  I don't mind my soup days, and I really don't have much emotion (other than serious stubbornness) around my weight.  I don't want to change my life style because it is fun.  I am living large and being large is what will happen if I continue. :)

On another note, most of my thinner friends watch their weight like hawks, weight every day and exercise daily.  Most of them gain and lose with similar approaches between 5-10 pounds throughout the year.  One, rather thin older woman, told me a story about how she lost over a 100 pounds in her youth.  She is maybe 75 or so now.  When I asked her how she has maintained this weight loss for so many years, she told me that she has remained hungry for 50 years now.  Wow, just wow.  In my world, long term weight loss and maintenance is not easy.  Perhaps it is in your world and for you.  I say this without any hurt feelings at all.  I respect your opinion and your response to my post caused me to have to really think about my doctor's advice and put into words what I really think about it.  It was helpful.  I don't need to always read acclamations and I don't think you are attacking me.   You are being constructive and coming from a good place.  I don't agree with your advice (on this issue), this does not mean that I don't respect and honor your right to make it in the way that you do.