Successful Open Adoptions

I have children also adopted via open adoption..thru my choice. I could have had them closed adoptions but I felt it was best for them to be open and I LOVE my youngest sons birth mom. SHe is a great gal and gave me an incredible kiddo. What are the ages of your adopted children? I'd love to talk to you about what its like as they get older..if yours are older because mine are still very young. by the way..my RNY was April 5th, 2004. We had surgery almost the same time! Faith

My kids are 15 and 6. The oldest's birth parents stayed in touch until she was about six, then we didn't hear from them for a while, but now she is in daily contact with her birth sister, aged 16. She recently spent a weekend with her birth grandmother, and they seemed to hit it off quite well. Her birth mom is also considering weight-loss surgery. My youngest's birthmom was only eighteen when she was born--and Sarah was her third child. We really liked her, but she never answered any of our letters. I talked to her a couple of times on the phone, but she was in constant tears. I think it is less painful for her this way, especially since Sarah was the only girl. Maybe someday they'll meet... Lisa

I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum (sort of...read on) I'm a birthmom. It was 1989 and I was 15 years old when I became pregnant with my son. I had no grip on reality at that point and decided that since I didn't really want to be pregnant, I could 'pretend' that I wasn't and it would go away. I literally continued on with my daily life (captain of my high school volleyball team) as if nothing was wrong until I was about 5 and 1/2 months pregnant and a 'friend' of the family told my Mom that he 'heard' I might be pregnant. She confronted me that day and I confirmed her worst fears that I was indeed pregnant. VERY pregnant! My parents decided that it would be best for me to go to an unwed mothers home in Lynchburg, Virginia and had made all the arrangements for me to leave by the end of that same week. They also felt that it would be best for me AND the baby if I placed him for adoption. They felt that he deserved better than to be raised by a teenage mother and I agreed that I wanted him to have a life better than what I could have given him at that point. To back up a bit, I had already experienced the adoption process and it had touched me in a very special way. I knew how good it could be because my baby brother, who was 3 at the time, was adopted. So I trusted them that placing my baby was the right thing to do and started adoption counseling as soon as I arrived at the home in Virginia. Unfortunately I never got to complete those sessions because I went into labor at 33 weeks and delivered a very early but healthy baby boy. He was 4lbs, 13.5oz and 17 inches long. A beautiful baby boy!!! I was allowed to choose the family that adopted my son but instead of having months to look over files and pray about my decision - I had 1 hour. I can't tell you how I just 'knew' the family that was right for him, other than they 'sounded' the most like my own and I wanted him to have a life like I did. I also think that God was directing me. It was a glorious 2 days I was able to spend with my baby boy - who I named Andrew Tyler Johnston - and then it turned in to the most heartbreaking time in my life. I could never explain in enough detail the severity of the emotional AND physical pain I went through having to leave my baby in the hospital. I begged God for peace and comfort and eventually...He granted it. Now, 15 years later and the mother of 5 beautiful little girls - I still think about my son every day - wonder how he is - what he looks like - and, selfishly, if he will ever want to know me. I've written to him several times through the years but more recently the family has asked that I stop because their other adopted children never hear from their birthmom's and they didn't want anyone to feel hurt by it. And to be honest, I understand their responsibility to protect their children and have complied. Now I just keep everything in a journal and hopefully one day I'll have the opportunity to share it with him. More than anything, I want him to know how much he is loved. I want him to understand that I did NOT give him up. I placed him into a home where I felt he could have the best possible life. I want him to know that he was worth the sacrifice!!! Whew! Now my emotions are running like a whirlwind. As you can probably imagine, I don't get to talk so openly about this very often. Thanks for the opportunity to share a little bit of my past with you. Love, Myra

I have two beautiful babies. Jacob, is five and a half and very gifted. He reads on a second grade level and dives and swims like a fish. He has beautiful steel blue eyes and long curly eyelashes. He is very affectionate. We adopted hime privately in 6 days. Linda(DeeDee or Deeds) is 3 years old this week. She was a special needs adoption. She was born with hydrocephalus(water on the brain) and was shunted at 4 days old. We brought her home at one month. We were warned that she could die, or be brain damaged, or have cerebral palsy, or learning disabilities. HA! This little monster is just fine. She has beautiful, brown eyes and a great laugh. She loves Dora the explorer and chocolate. Don't dismiss special adoption. Except for the once a year trip to the neurosurgeon to check the shunt, we forget it is there. Lou Ann Gramann

I have 2 children with hydrocephlus. One is my birth son Trevor who is now 21 yrs old, and the other is my adopted daughter Chelsea, who is now 11 yrs old. Their's is a result from their birth defect spina bifida. Chelsea was adopted out of the foster care system when she was 7 mos old. DeeDee

Myra, you are really an inspiration. What a brave and spiritual person you are! My younger daughter's birthmom was only fifteen when she had her first child, too. When I think about myself at fifteen, I don't know how I would have gotten through it. I believe nothing truely seperates us from our loved ones. There will always be a connection between you and your son, and I'm sure he will look you up when he gets older. Lisa

Good Evening, I've been so involved in preparing, having and recovering from surgery, that I have not checked back to this forum for a while. I, also, am the adoptive mother of a 9 yr old daughter. Our adoption arrangement is very open and birth mom comes for visits at least every other month and is included in as many family gatherings as we can manage. Birth mom has continued on with her life and has two other children to care for. It's great to see how well she is doing and what a joy she brings to our lives. I love BIRTH MOMS! ~Della

We had 6 adopted children. The first 4 were through the foster care system. The next 2 were from open independant adoptions. They first 4 came at ages 5, 19 mos, 13 mos , 7 mos. Our last 2 were placed into our arms at birth. One we knew the birthmom long before the adoption, the other we met when she was 5 mos pregnant. Our girls are now 7 & almost 10. Our open adoptions have been great for all of us. DeeDee

Me too Lisa My daughter was adopted in an open adoption setting. I sent pictures 1 time per month...however I believe her BM (birth mother) might be moving on...as the last pictures came back as if she ahd moved and not left a fwding addy. Anyway- also I am an adoptee I am biracial and was adopted into a caucasian family, closed adoption (1973) but reunited. SO...if I can be of any help answering questions from whats it like to be adopted-whats it like to be in a multiracial family or even whats it like to be married in a biracial relationship AND have an adopted biracial child....I'm your girl! Alisa

Wow! You really have seen this issue from all angles! My husband is also adopted, but didn't know until he was 44!