support group - waste of time?

I know what you're thinking.  Hear me out.  Warning: This may offend some of you.  I went to the support meeting this week at Baptist Medical.  The first 30 or 45 minutes were okay.  I didn't really learn anything new, but it wasn't agonizingly boring.   Then a woman arrived and pretty much dominated the rest of the meeting with various medical problems and just down right running her mouth.  It was even so bad that other people sitting around me started rolling their eyes and quietly making snide remarks that only we could hear.  I wasn't offended at them, because to be honest, I felt the same way.   I don't know if she just didn't realize what she was doing or if she just didn't care.  Then, to make matters worse, her husband said, "I know I am not obese.  But I have taken care of an obese person for years, so I think I've learned a little bit.  She has been on the Mayo Clinic diet for the last month and has lost 30 pounds.  You eat 2 eggs and 2 strips of bacon every morning.  I have even started doing it."  The he looks at all of us and says, "I have found that when I eat this, I don't get hungry for a while.  But when I eat a donut and a glass of milk, I am hungry in a hour." I thought - you dumbass, do you really think we're all here because we didn't eat the right breakfast?  Not only that, but do you not think we've tried every diet, including the Mayo diet or one like it, before deciding on this?  This really pissed me and those around me off.   So shortly after, the nurse releases us to either leave or talk in small groups.  I talked in a small group, then asked her a question, then left.  I live an hour and a half away, so I wasn't the last one there to see how long everyone stayed.  SOOOO, I say all of this because..... I'm wondering are the support groups at Baptist Medical always like that?  I plan on always going there.  But honestly, after this week, I wish there was an online roster that we could look at before going.  Because honestly, I'd find out her name and avoid every one she goes to. I did meet a couple of really nice people there and by no means was everyone terrible AT ALL.  I even really enjoyed a couple of people so much that I could see myself being friends with them. Maybe I have just researched this procedure too much because I didn't actually LEARN anything.  It was also different than I had anticipated. I thought that post-ops would tell pre-ops their stories - why they decided to have the surgery?  what was their pre-surgery weight and problems?  how their surgery went?  what they felt like after? everything.  That is not at all what it was like.   I understand that everyone there hasn't had a class in group dynamics or proper group ettiquette, but I just expected it to be more "everyone talks" kind of environment. I am honestly worried that I'm not going to get anything out of the support group meetings if they are all like this. 

Wendy, Hello, well, I will be the first to say, I have no idea who the person was, b/c I was not there, due to some health issues.   On occasion, you have a dominant person there, and I assure you, it didnt make Lauren happy.  Most of the time it is more of a question and answer session, and can be very informative.  Im sorry you had this experience on your first meeting, b/c it is not always like this.  I understand that most of our all the timers were not there.  Alot of us are a really tight nit group, and we have made some great friends there.  One of my dear friends, Angie Easterling and her husband were there, and I will ask her who this person was, if she knows.  (Angie is one year post op and has lost 121 pounds)  Again, no, they are not usually like that, so please, join us again next month, b/c all of us post ops, especially us regulars, are there to help you guys all we can.  If you ever have any questions, please feel free to message me and ask, if I can answer, I'll be happy too, if I cant, I'll be honest and tell you. Hang in there, horselady71742 Rhonda 87 POUNDS GONE FOREVER!!!

Thank God it is not always like that!  I was honestly really worried it would because I expect the support group to be a regular part of my new life post-op. 

I'm sorry your had a bad time, they are usually very fun.  I know I wasn't there this time, but will be next week.  Usually everyone goes around and tells their name, if they had surgery (if so, when, how much they weighed and how much lost, who their surgeon was) and if you hadn't had surgery you can say who your surgeon is and whether or not you have a date yet.  I say how much I weigh too (i'm pre-op) because there is no need to be embarrased because everyone in that room is either overweight or was overweight.  I have done lots of research on the surgery so I some of the things they talk of are not new to me, but every month I am sure there are new people who don't know much about WLS and so they need to talk about some of the same things every month.  Last month there was a dietician there and I think everyone there learned new things, she told about foods and adding flavor using fresh herbs and even had some recipe books for post-op there with delicious recipes. 

That's just it.  I didn't have a "bad time".  I just didn't get anything out of it and I was really hoping to. We all did go around and introduce ourselves and tell pre-op/post-op and for post-ops they told how much they had lost.   I definately understand the need for them to go over basic stuff so that people that HAVEN'T done their research will get something out of it.  One such lady sat next to me and I just loved her.  She even wanted to know where I got my WLS books (Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies, etc) that I brought with me.  I liked talking to her about what I had learned about lap-band vs RNY. I wish there had have been a dietician there this time.  Maybe she would have shut the other lady and her husband up.  Somehow I doubt it though.   I KNOW I'm not crazy because everyone on my right made it abundently clear that they felt the same way.  I honestly hope that she's there next time just so you guys can see what I'm talking about.

Hi, I wasn't at the support group thant night. I don't know what went on but I would like to say it is a SUPPORT group. It is nice when you also learn something,but the main reason for being there is to give and recieve support. In any support group there will be times when one member needs a lot of support that night. Some night it might be you who will need some extra time. This person may never need that level of support again. I am afraid when she reads this message board she will not feel welcome at the support group again and she will not feel welcome here either. Can we strive to be a little more understanding of those who are still suffering?

Oh I could understand it if she was had had an issue that she wanted to discuss.  That wasn't the case.  She just ran her mouth about everything.  Even when another lady asked a question about hair loss to the nurse, this woman gave her an answer instead (and a long one at that).   Maybe you are right.  Maybe I shouldn't have posted anything at all because you do make a valid point.  I don't want anyone to feel unwelcome because of anything I ever say or do.  I'm just not the type of person to not say ANYTHING because of how someone might take it.  I could definately understand if this woman had an issue that she was having trouble with and not just talking about various things from her history and things like how her hair has never been shinier.  I do still feel that in a GROUP support group, the entire GROUP should give and receive support.  One person should not dominate or hickjack the entire GROUP for the entire time, as it disrespects everyone else who drove, sometimes hours, to be there who may also need support that night.   If someone needs that level of support, maybe therapy would benefit them more than a group setting.  But you are right, maybe it was a one night thing (please God). 

THE BOOK YOU SAID YOU READ LAP BAND VS GASTRIC BYPASS WHAT DID IT SAY PLEASE GIVE ME ANY INSIGHT THAT IT MAY HAVE BECAUSE I'M STILL UNDECIDED WHICH WAY TO GO THANKS SO MUCH

I didn't read my books until after I had already decided on which surgery to have.  I researched the various surgeries on the internet to make my decision.  I purchased my books AFTER i decided to go with RNY.   I just got done with Your Best Life Now which honestly got old by the time I finished it, so I wouldn't recommend that.  I have read Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies which I really enjoyed.  I'm going to keep that one.   I made my decision to go with RNY over Lapband not based on any book.  The following is what I considered when making my decision and it is a cut/paste from another post where I replied to this subject.   I just posted this on the main board, so I'll copy it here. Your decision should be yours alone, as you will be the one to deal with the aftermath.  Everyone is different and a decision that is right for one person may be wrong for another. I will take you through what I looked at when deciding whether or not to do Lapband or RNY.  I considered several things. 1.  IS COST AN ISSUE? A.  INSURANCE..........If you are going to try to get insurance approval, you should immediately ask for a copy of your policy.  Many insurance providers ONLY cover RNY for many reasons.  Your insurance company may not even cover the Band. It is important to read your policay VERY carefully.  I discovered that my insurance WOULD pay for the Band but WOULD NOT pay for any subsequent saline adjustments.  So if your insurance will pay for the Band and you aren't rolling in the money, I'd be sure to confirm that they also pay for the saline adjustments as you may need several through the years. B  SELF-PAY..........If you are going to self-pay, you should consider the cost of the Lapband versus RNY.  In my state (Arkansas), the average cost (all inclusive) of open RNY is $16,500.  The average cost (all inclusive) of the Band is $12,000.  (This does not include subsequent saline adjustments that you may need over time.  I do not know the costs of these adjustments.)   2.  HOW FAST DO YOU WANT TO LOSE? A.  RNY..........With RNY, you should experience rapid weight loss for the first 18 - 24 months, especially in the beginning. B.  BAND..........With the Band, you will have a much slower intial weight loss. 3.  HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT TO LOSE? A.  RNY..........With RNY, estimates vary depending on the source on average weight lost.  Every single source I found stated that average weight lost in the long-term (5 years post-op), is higher for RNY than the Band.  B.  BAND..........With the Band, estimates also vary depending on the source on average weight lost.  However, even the makers of Lapband concede that total weight lost over a 5 year period is more with RNY than the Band.  They are trying to sell their product, so they are estimating on the high end for long-term Band results and on the low end for long-term RNY results, yet they STILL concede that RNY is more successful. 4.  LONG-TERM SUCCESS RATES The following statistics are taken from a Dec 2006 study posted by the American Society of Bariatric Surgeons (filled with surgeons who perform both procedures).  They considered a procedure a failure if the patient still had a BMI of greater than 35.  A.  RNY..........The failure rate at 5 years post-op was 4.2% B.  Band..........The failure rate at 5 years post-op was 34.6% Note:  Many Europeon surgeons are dropping the Lapband now that it has been performed long enough to view the long-term results, which overall, are poor.  5.  COMPLICATIONS & MORTALITY RATE A.  RNY..........For many years, most reports put the fatality rate at 2% and the major complication rate at 23%.  However, within the last year, most available research puts the fatality rate at around .08% and the major complication rate at around 10-13%.  The American Society of Bariatric Surgeons report showed that RNY patients experienced, on average, a re-operative rate of 12.5% (due to various complications).  B.  BAND..........The Band has not been around as long as RNY, so there are less stats for this procedure.  However, there are some available.  The ones easiest to find state that the fatality rate is .05% and the major complication rate is around 9%.  This is from the website of the seller of the Lapband, so one can assume they took the best stats and left the worst ones.  The American Society of Bariatric Surgeons report showed that Band patients experienced, on average, a re-operative rate of 15.2% (due to various complications). 6.  RECOVERY RNY..........Hospital time = approximately 3 days.  Recovery time = approximately 3 weeks.  BAND..........Hospital time = outpatient or short hospital stay.  Recovery time = approximately 2 - 2.5 weeks.  7.  MISC DIFFERENCES RNY..........RNY post-ops are required to take vitamens for the rest of their lives.  Approximately 50-75% of RNY patients experience "dumping syndrome" when they ingest sugars or high fat foods.  Malodorous gas is common.  BAND..........The Band can slip at any time.  The port/band can leak at any time.  Port site problems are common long term.  The Band can erode the lining of the stomach over time.  It should be noted that, in Europe where the Band has been done since the 90s, many surgeons have stopped performing the Band altogether after less than stellar long-term (10+ year) results.   I have decided on RNY based on research from VARIOUS sources (some of which I used above).  Here are some helpful links... http://www.asbs.org/    (click on the article at the bottom to see the study done) http://connectionwls.mywowbb.com/forum8/280.html http://www.lapband.com/lapband/comparison.do http://www.thinnertimes.com/gastricbypass/weight_loss_surger y_comparison.html http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastric_bypass_surgery http://www.yourlawyer.com/topics/overview/gastric_bypass_mal practice Hope this helps! Great luck to you! Wendy