Social Worker

It really is too bad no one ever posts on this board. My son came home today with a card from a county social worker matching the one found on my front door. It seems they pulled him in at lunch time to talk to him about a story he's been telling everyone about a time 2 or 3 years ago when he says his father picked him up and threw him down. It was a school morning when as usual he wouldn't get ready and he was having one of his autistic temper tantrums and my husband picked him up off the floor to talk to him, then dropped him back down to put his shoes on, but to him, every time we raise our voices or loose our tempers with him-we hate him, or he dives under something and acts like we're going to kill him even though we never get physical, other than the occasional swat when he has really earned it. Now I have visions of CPS and cops showing up to check my home and fridge and taking my babies away from me......I am soooooo freaked out, and my husband and I are fighting over it, because he says I let the kids get away with everything, and maybe he should come down even harder on them, but I think that was just him being defensive, since he's the one mainly under fire.

Hi Mickey Mom. This must be a hard time. I do know from experience that our son can 'perservate' on certain situations even if they happen a long time ago or when he gets upset about something he will bring up something he thinks is 'bad' that happened to him. Our son is 14 now. He has a mild form of autism. He seems pretty typical at first but he does have significant learning problems and social interaction problems. Does the social worker KNOW your son is autistic? I am sure you could ask for an 'expert' in autism to interview your child. Some people don't have a clue when it comes to verbal autistic children. We know as parents that some of the stuff they say 'just does not make 'sense'' or is intertwined with other 'stories' or things in their head. I hope that doesn't sound mean, I am not meaning for it to come across that way. Also when it comes to physical stuff, many autistic children have O.T. issues and sensory intergration issues, some things seem like they are more 'rough' than actually is happening. My son actually has a very high threshold for pain. But my friend's child does not, he thinks everyone is actually yelling at him when they are being 'stern' and if you touch him, he thinks your hurting him. The social worker needs to aware of all those underlying issues. I really don't think they can do anything about a situation that happened 2 years ago. He doesn't have any bruises or any other marks on him, right? Do you have a therapist, pediatrician, doctor that can verify that your child receives regular care and/ or therapy? That may help. Two years ago, my neighbor (she has moved since) was (wrongly) reported for child neglect/ abuse and all that happened was she got a home visit from a couple social workers. They observed her in her home with her kids. They asked her for a name of someone that 'saw' her on a regular basis. She asked me if the social worker could talk to me and I said yes. They just asked me if I ever saw her hit her kids or lock them in their rooms and some other stuff. I answered all of them honestly. She said they called her back a couple days later and said nothing would come from that report. I bet that will be same in your case. Maybe you have family or friend(s) that will be able to verify that you and your hubby are appropriate parents? Just in case they want to talk to one of them? I know it is hard but try not to fight with your hubby. God knows that my husband and I have argued over our children so many times. It seems children and money we argue/ disagree the most about! My hubby says the same "you let the kids get away with too much"... I feel it is normal that some parents have different thoughts of parenting but as long as you have similar rules, rewards, consequences and the same goals it works out. Don't let you kids hear you argue. Our kids seem to try to divide and conquer us if they know we are arguing about them. Just having a special needs child adds a lot of stress to our lives for sure, even more so if you have other children- that alone has ended many marriages. Don't let this get the best of you. Hang in there. You will make it through this Hugs, Jenna Mom of Tony (ASD) 14, Nickolas 11, Stephany 11 U.S.A.F. Wife for 15 years to Mike Please e-mail me or post here how things work out

It's me again- JENNA- in the first paragraph I spelled the word "PERSEVERATE" incorrectly! Perseverate is when someone 'obsesses' over something or a situation. I hope I spelled it correctly this time!!! Hope to hear from you soon. Jenna

Thanks for all the support Jenna, you were right. The worker called me back the next am after I left a message, and she said she knew after talking with my son that it was probably nothing at all. She went over to my toddler's preschool also to check on him. Luckily, I have a daycare provider who has a lot of special children, has 1 semester untill her PhD in child phsychology, and has worked with social services many times. Today, my 10 year old pushed and hurt my toddler, so I sat him down and had a discussion with him about whether we should call social services, or if things like swats, picking up so that you make eye contact, or even loosing your temper with your little brother really happens in families, and whether or not families should learn to work these things out on their own. I think he got the point. My husband knew within 1/2 hour after our argument how monumentally wrong he was for getting defensive, he was just hurt emotionally. I know most of my child's AS symptoms come from him. The social worker made it a point to let me know spanking is not considered illegal, but I told her, the funny part is, we rarely punish physically. Xbox, tv, timeouts-these always work so much better, and I've always been far more prone to give a little swat than a spank. My toddler just started his tantrums about 2 weeks ago, and I just ride them out-I am adament that no punishment happen during those, I don't feel he's rational, so he's not going to get the point-I just keep telling him the same short explanation for "no" over and over til he calms, and it works. THANKS, THANKS, THANKS......

Wow. Boy have we "been there. done that". My older son is 11 and has Asperger's. My younger son is 7 and has autism. A few years back we were having horrible mornings with our older son, dawdling, answering back, passive agressive behaviors ( putting clothes on backwards, even though he is perfectly capable). My husband lost his temper and threw his jeans at him. It was dumb luck that the button on the jeans caught my son on the lip and it swelled. Of course, my son over-reacts to everything, too, so social services was called, they did a full investigation, and the claim was founded. It would have cost us several hundred dollars to consult with an attourney to get it removed from my husband's record. This was after my husband went voluntarily to anger management classes, and we went to family therapy together. So now he can never coach a kids team, never be a Cub scout leader, never work with kids. We're lucky our church is letting him teach sunday School. It just makes me so angry, as I am a teacher of young kids. I see kids dirty, injured, both emotionally and physically, and yet those parents are allowed to get off scott free. I have one family who's main punishment method is to put the kids on the roof when they misbehave. Even without coats inthe winter. If course Social Services have been called, but it all depends on how busy their case load is and which worker you get. We had an over-zealous one with a light case load, so we're stuck. Heather lap RNY 6/13/05