neighbor is driving me crazy!

I was very careful not to let my neighbor know that I had WLS. There is no shame on my part for my choice- I just didnt want to hear their opinion on the subject. Well that was blown by accident yesterday! My DH let it slip about my RNY when the neighbor brought over a big slice of birthday cake for me... It was a complete mistake and Im not mad about it coming out. They had to notice that massive weight loss in the past 9 months, its not like they didnt notice! The slip brought on a huge warning from them! His mom had RNY in 2000. In 2003 she was diagnosed with stomache cancer. They totally whole heartedly believe that her having RNY was the ONLY cause of her cancer. I tried briefly to ask how having RNY caused cancer but the only "reason" the could give was she didnt have cancer before her RNY.. Maybe Im wrong and if I am then Im sorry.. I just dont see how having RNY can or would be the CAUSE of stomache cancer.. To me (who is not a medical expert) that would be like saying having your tonsils taken out causes throat cancer! Im am sorry his mom has stomache cancer. I am very sorry that she is now heavier then she was before her RNY, but Ive also met this women. She eats like I did before surgery.. Lots of sugars, carbs, fats, etc.. She cant eat as much at 1 time, but she does drink while eating and she eats all the time... So the weight gain is entirely her own fault... We all know perfectly well that if we go back to consuming more calories then we are burning that we will gain weight again.. and we all know the rules of drinking while eating! And we are all aware that eating meals that contain 90% carbs is going to screw up our program! She doesnt take any vitamins at all, she doesnt count protein to ensure she gets enough, and she doesnt care about how many calories she consumes per day... Everything that is wrong with her life she totally and completely blames on her having RNY.. The cancer, the weight gain, her divorce, etc... The woman doesnt feel responsible for anything in her life... And she has passed this hate and anger on to her kids. I shouldnt let this bother me, but I truely loved this neighbor! He was the ONLY neighbor we have had that actually made this neighborhood feel friendly.. After the hurricanes a couple years ago, he was the first to come out and help everyone clean up the mess.. He is quick to grab his mower and cut peoples lawns if they are out of town.. He is always the person who comes over to lend a hand if he sees someone outside working on something... If a husband is deployed he makes sure to check on the wives and kids.. (and NOT for the wrong reasons!!) He is just a great guy!! Im concerned that him knowing that Ive had RNY is going to effect the relationship we have with them.. Now, his wife has known about my surgery from day 1!! She was there for me when I was doing the testing, she warned me about his feelings and his mother! She agrees with me about the cancer not being the caused by RNY, but she cant argue with her husband- its just not worth the fight!! No reason for her to argue and fight with her husband over something like that... Its his mother!! I really wish people would use common sense when it comes to WLS! Okay, Im done venting!! Amber

Dont you just love negative thinking people. I have a soon to be son in law that is morbidly obese with high blood sugar, high cholesterol, high blood sugar and is sick all the time. And "He aint having no WLS, He will die from the blood sugar first. " Well you know what I told him You will and your life will be miserable. He is always complaining about being sick. Oh well hes life I will pray for him. love marie

Hey Amber, Girl, try to let it go. I dont care what you do, you cannot change some peoples minds about WLS. And no!! It in no way caused her cancer to come about. Jeez! When we had my mother in laws funeral after I had had surgery about six weeks or so, it had done spread all thru my husbands family that I had WLS.Well what was the main topic to me? Man, you know mrs so and so, she gained all her weight back and then some. And then my stupid sister in law would say omg you better think about that WLS, because mrs so and so, she cant eat hardly anything and throws up all the time. Well hell..... I guess you do if you dont go by the book and do right. Im like you amber... It makes me vent at idiot people. If you dont know about it ask questions and I will tell. But dont start up with omg that WLS is something else they say. And who is "they"? I know who "they" is.... The ones that abuse the gift of having the chance to have had this surgery to save our lives and give us longer health and happiness. But its like anything else in life you do. You abuse you lose!!! So let it go with the neighbor... At least his wife has sence lol.... Hugs Marge

Hey Amber, I'm SO glad you brought this topic to light. If one more friggin person tells me "oh you had gastric bypass?" ...do you have to eat 10 times a day or how much have you lost (this is the VERY first question my family asks after they say hello), and my all time favorite "I really wanted weight loss surgery but I'm not big enough so I guess I have to work at it"...YES some dumb F'ers have actually said that to me!! I'm like okay so what am I doing?? Yea that's right sitting back sipping margaritas jus****ching the weight drop off...boy am I lucky that I climbed up on that operating table and let them cut me open...I'm just too damn lazy to lose weight "the right way"!! The igorance of some people just makes me speachless. I want to laugh, cry and just jerk a knot in their heads. I can't even believe they think WE have it easy and we are taking the Easy way out???!! Are they for real?? Since my surgery I've had probably 6 or 7 people tell me they wish they could have weight loss surgery..now keep in mind NONE of these people were morbidly obese...maybe 20 or 30 lbs overweight. It's like you can't explain it to people because their minds are made up one way or another and there's not telling them the facts. Dumb as dirt!! It's a shame that you might lose a good neighbor because (and TRUST me when I say this) they are HARD to come by especially in the military!! Maybe you guys can just agree to disagree and keep the friendship you've always had. He sounds like a wonderful and caring neighbor. It's nice to know you have someone looking out for ya. Most people at my son's school found out and I didn't even tell them. I was the talk of the school and didn't even realize it until conferences. That's fine they can watch me shrink.. and get ..!! I think we just have to overlook the idiots like Marge suggested and know we did the right thing for us and let the rest be jealous, ignorant, and in the dark. I'm always here if you need to vent some more or just want to chat!! We WLS girls stick together!!! HUGS, Jamie

How about just telling your neighbor "I'm so sorry to hear about your mother! I'll keep her in my prayers". "Please keep me in yours, too." It's amazing how some sympathy can make things better. You could even tell him you wish you had know before the surgery but it's too late now- just pray for me! It may sound simplistic but if you ask for his understanding and help it could work. Good luck!

Amber, The great thing is that you are going to be the person he knows who had great success with the surgery! And not just temporary success!!!! Big Hugs, Lori