What we lose being fat....

Well, I posted on the main board, but I am going to share here, too, because you guys are great. I have been thinking about it a lot, and I always thought being fat just affected me, and now I realize it didn't. When I moved from Massachusetts to New Hampshire, I didn't tell anyone where I was moving, not even my family or my kids fathers, and my daughter loved her dad and spent a lot of time with him. I just wanted a new start and a few months of peace. I was overweight, obese even, but I was comfortable. I gained a significant amount of weight my first few months here. My daughter started asking to see her dad, and I made up excuses, because I was too embarassed to face him, embarassed for me and for him. I didn't want his friends to make fun of him when they saw me, so I avoided the subject. Truly, I don't believe he would've cared, it was my own problem. I told her he moved and I did not know where he was. Finally, 3 years later, just about a month ago, I told her that we were going to find him for father's Day, which is close to his birthday, and surprise him. I said we'd take him out, go to the amusement park, take lots of pictures and have a great day. Then, a few weeks ago, I received news that he had died of a heart attack at age 35. We are both devastated. He was thin, healthy, didn't smoke and was very active. Of everyone I know, I would've voted him "Most Likely to Live to See 100." I contacted his family down south, who he had not seen for 15 years, and sent pictures of my daughter, and when hi mother asked, "Why hadn't you seen him in so long?" I had to admit to myself that it was because I am fat. So, for the rest of my life, I have to livve with the fact that my daughter lost over 3 years with her dad, 3 years she'll never be able to make up, what turned out to be the alst 3 years of his life, because I am fat. I thought I was pretty happy and normal, but I can see now that I am not. I hope for everyone that your weight does not interfere with your family like this, because you can lose it much too fast. Best wishes to all. Carrie

I am very sorry for you and your daughter's loss.. What a shock this must be. Please don't blame yourself or beat yourself up. You did what you had to do at the time for reasons that were true and valid. There's no need for self recriminations and doubts. Hindsight is 20/20. We all make mistakes and hope that we have time to correct them or learn from them. Take care of yourself and her....Remember the good times and keep him alive in her memory...

Carrie, I think all of us live under the delusion that we have all the time in the world to see people again, call them, do something for them. Then life throws us a very hard curveball like this, shaking us back into reality. Fat or thin we have to live our lives. We don't know how much time we have or our loved ones have. Big Hugs, Lori

Carrie, What a horrible experience! You have opened my eyes up a bit! I helped raise a child with my ex and I have avoided seeing him since I put on so much weight. Now I think Ill make a point to make the trip to see them soon.. I was close to his entire family and never felt judged my them, but I judged myself too harshly.. I know in my heart they would never think anything bad about my weight, but seeing them just made me sick.. Now that my weight is back to a more normal level I have been finding more excuses why I dont want to see them.. Well, reality check! I will make the trip to see my ex and his entire family... Thanks for sharing! Amber