OK, I'm gonna vent!

I try to be positive in my messages, but, I feel really angry right now and I think you guys will be able to relate. This morning as I was rushing to a meeting, I was stopped for speeding. The officer said I was doing 45 in a 30 or something like that. He asked me for my license. He told me to find my registration and insurance, then went to call in my license. He came back and said, "you obviously don't weigh 350 lbs." I said, no I don't, I've had a gastric bypass and have lost 150 lbs. (My license never reflected my highest weight of 384). He said, that is obvious to me and you look so good I'm not going to give you a ticket. Ok, so I should be happy right? Well, I'm not, but, I didn't say anything to him. I'm not happy, because I took it as well, if I was still at my high weight, I would have got the ticket, right? That ticks me off. I keep finding more examples of fat discrimination now that I'm down 150 lbs then when I was still fat. Men treat me so much differently! I, of course, don't want the ticket, am I wrong to be mad about this? Lori

Lori, I'm just sitting here with my jaw hitting the ground!! I really have no idea what to say. On the one hand yes, I'd be hopping mad but on the other hand I sure wouldn't want a ticket. I honestly don't know what to say that is the strangest experience and I wouldn't want to go through it. Hugs, Jamie

Jamie, This big change in men's attitudes towards me just started showing up about 4 to 6 weeks ago. I hate to say this, but, I think you will in fact experience this when you are farther out, maybe not from a cop, but, I think you will start getting the other extra attention that men are now giving me. I had a guy at the gym a couple of mornings ago, nearly break his neck to run in front of me to hold the door for me! Weird. Lori

Hi Lori, You just vent away!!! I am so glad we don't have weights on Texas drivers license's. I am also glad you didn't get a ticket but I know how you feel. (((hugs)))) Diana

Back when I was able to work, I managed a ten-county health district in a different state from the one I currently live in. This meant lots of time in the car traveling to different counties. This state had a mandatory seat belt law. Lucky me, my Honda had crappy short seat belts that didn't fit around my ginormous belly, and Honda doesn't believe in making selt belt extenders. I was driving through one of my counties one day, and their main street also happens to be a state highway. Highway patrolman sees me drive by without a seat belt, and pulls me over. I explain to him that my seat belt is too small and that Honda doesn't offer seat belt extenders. I show him that the seat belt doesn't fit. His reply? "You'll need to get a note from your doctor if you can't use your seat belt" as he's writing me the ticket. I was incredulous! I asked him, "What is the note supposed to say? Please excuse Kix from wearing the seat belt in her car because she's too fat and Honda is too stupid to make bigger seat belts?!" He didn't even bother to reply, just handed me the ticket. I thought about going to court to fight the ticket, but the fine was only $15 and it meant traveling back to that particular county on a day that I wouldn't be in the area. Since this county was at the far end of my district, the time off and gas back and forth would have cost me more than $15. I am pretty sure I wouldn't have gotten the ticket if I hadn't been a fat girl. Fat people aren't treated as kindly as sea mammals are, and fat women have it even worse than fat men (although I think fat men are starting to have it bad these days, too). A pox on people who discriminate against fat folks!! Kix

Last weekend, I went to see a friend's husband's band. The place hosting the show has a restuarant section with normal chairs, and a patio area with extra tall chairs. I hadn't been to the place in a year, and thought I'd be okay with the tall chairs. I've lost 163 pounds since I last visited. But I was wearing a rayon skirt, and the chairs had a slippery painted finish, and I knew I'd be fighting not to fall off all night long. I asked the waiter if I could have a chair from the other room because I have some disability issues, and the tall chair wouldn't work (I can't feel much of my left foot, so balancing up there is especially tricky). He said he'd look into it, went away (with my extra large tip) and never came back. Another waiter came over after about 20 minutes and asked if he could help us. I told him I needed a chair from the other room. He said he didn't know if that was possible, and I asked him if he'd ever heard of the Americans with Disabilities Act. I told him a chair was a basic accomodation. He freaked out and asked me why I was being so mean to him. After standing for another 20 minutes feeling totally humiliated, my friend went to go speak to the manager. I couldn't; I didn't want to cry and wreck my makeup (and everybody's evening). Fifteen minutes later, a waiter came with a chair, dropped it in front of me and took off without a word. No one would serve us after that. I was angry about the discrimination. I was also angry at my general situation. I've been working so hard at losing weight. I exercise all the time and had a radical surgery to try to end my obesity. But I'm still huge. I haven't really reaped any social benefit from the weightloss. I'm still always the fattest person in any room. It's very disheartening. I've had people make fun of me pretty much my whole life. The kids in school used to call me Moose. In highschool, guys physically assaulted me because they didn't think I was an actual human being (I got stabbed with a pen once, had a guy touch me like it was nothing). As an adult, I've been passed over for jobs I was extremely well qualified for, had teenage boys scream at me in airports, and even had an old lady block my path and proceed to tell me I was a shameful, dirty thing that shouldn't be allowed on the street. I think part of the reason I got as big as I did was a kind of "screw you" toall of those people. I don't know why the size of my body is anybody's business but mine. I try to treat everyone I meet with kindness and respect. I don't know why it's so had for people to return the favor. I'm extra grouchy today. I did something to my upper back, and it really hurts, and I haven't been able to work out for a couple of days. I've also got my period back (didn't have them for years because of my weight), and I hate it. I know it's a sign of health, but if I want to feel extra feminine, I'd prefer to buy some sandals or have a pedicure

LORI !! GirlFriend you hit the nail on the head. I wish I had a buck for every time I have been standing in line just about anywhere and watch some skinny chick get the super friendly helpful service, only to get the crapy rude treatment myself. Is the money a fat girl spends any different than anyone's el's. I actualy saw a specail report on T.V. a while back where they had an "atractive" woman (thin, short skirt, heels, cleavage) and one average looking woman over wieght. Well anyway, they did stuff like ask for directions, accidently dropped a lot of papers as they were walking, had car trouble, and actually came up short on cash at the store. Well I don't think I have to tell you what the results were....... I was just so angery. Your ticket was just one of those big things that really bring it home. We both know you probably would have got that ticket 150 pounds ago. then your, insurance might have went up. Don't get me wrong I'm glad you did not get a ticket, really. Weight discrimienation is every where and there is nothing being done about it. AAAHHH.... Sorry for bad spelling.