Husbands Do Leave.............

Hi Everyone. Been gone off the boards for a long time. Sorry. My husband left last Monday. Moved out with his kids. Total shocker/surprise to me. He has been planning this since May. Stupid me. Didn't see it coming. I guess its been a long time coming. 11 years together. 6 years with his kids with us and it has just been getting tougher and tougher with them. Don't want to make this too long, because this could be very long. Lessons learnerd?? READ ON!!!!!! In the last month he has been telling me...."you need to eat more", "you need to drink pop", "you should eat sugar", you need to start eating different things like everyone (who's had GBP) has." I told him, me drinking pop is like telling a crack addict to just take 1 hit off of a pipe. He also said in his "goodbye" note, "Everyone's sick of your weight loss". Everyone...Everyone....Everyone.... And a comment I had made a few weeks ago when I got a tattoo on my foot, the guy said does it hurt and I said yes, like hell, but I had GBP and if I can get through that I can get though this tattoo. And Rick said I should not tell everyone I had the surgery. I knew the day I laid on that table I was going to lose my husband. I knew he would not be able to handle this. I just knew it. I was just hoping deep in my heart that he would............. I don't want to get to deep about this right now. I will not cry for him anymore. On a happy note, I am 14 months out and down -198 pounds! and still losing. I want to lose about 25-30 more pounds. I'm in a loose 18 pant and a 14/16 top. I just ask that everyone just pray that I have the strenght to go on without him. To have the strength to face this new life of mine in this new body that I'm not familiar with and that I'm totally scared of having. I have never been on a date in my life and I just feel lost right now. Thanks for listening. Carmella

Oh my goodness Carmella! Im so sorry! I wish I had some magic words to make all this easier for you. I know how badly you must be feeling and how much you need all of our support right now. You definately will be in my thoughts. Your a bright and beautiful woman! You will find the strength to get through this! Anytime you need a hug or words of support just let me/us know. Your facing my worst fear right now! My biggest fear is my DH leaving- his biggest fear is me leaving.. Seems like WLS changes more then just the size of our bodies, it changes each of us and everyone around us. Some people handle it better then other. Keep your head up! Congrats on sticking with the lifestyle changes when you were encouraged to go back to bad habits- that shows just how strong your are! Love and Miss ya! Amber

I'm really sorry Carmella. Just want to send you along a big ((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))) and let you know you'll be in my prayers. My teenage daughters were so supportive of me when I first had the surgery. They too are now "sick" of hearing about me and my pouch and the weight loss, etc, etc. And I really don't think I talk about it that much anymore! I've just come to the conclusion that the people around us have a hard time dealing with the changes in us almost as much as we do. It hurts too when those closest to us turn on us like that. It's such a cliche, but in the grand scheme of things, you are better off without him and God obviously has a plan for you - and I'm sure it's great. It's just hard to get through the initial loss and all. If there's anything I can do let me know. Hang in there - you'll end up stronger and happier!! Much love from Miami, Carol

Camrella, I'm sure it is hard and scary right now, but I truly believe that you will be better off without him in the end. I don't know what you are thinking right now, but know this is a problem in him, not you. I will pray for you that you will have the strength to go on without him, I know you will find that strength. I know it!! I say cry, get it out of your system, and then pick and do what you can to live the best life for you!!!! I know it's scary, though I'm not married I haven't been on many dates in my life, so that scares me too. You can do it! Things will work out. *hugs* jacie

Carmella, that seriously blows. I am sorry about your marriage ending. I wonder what it is about WLS that some spouses/significant others/etc can't handle? I'd much rather love a functional person than a dysfunctional one. What makes me sad isn't that he left, but that he has been planning it since May and you had no idea. So much for communication! Instead of worrying about dating right now, just keep focusing on your awesome success with weight loss and those last 25-30 lbs should come off without too much trouble. We're all here any time you need us, Kix

Oh Carm, I am so sorry! Just last week my DH was thinking about it, because I went to get my 18 yr. old daughter for the umpteen time. When she calls I go running and as a stepfather, he thinks it's too much. It may be but if she needs me I have to go. Don't know what's right anymore. But I know it hurts. Thinking about you and wishing you all the good fortune in the world. Email me if you want. Love ya girl, deb in ga

Carmella, I'm very sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time right now. I am here if you need an ear, a shoulder whatever I'm here. Hang in there girl...I remember when you first had your surgery and then watching all your fantastic changes....You're an amazing person and don't let anyone tell you different. WE are ALL here for YOU!!! GREAT BIG HUGS, Jamie

I am so sorry Carmella. Give yourself time to grieve. And then pick up the pieces and go on with your life. There is a lot of fish in that sea and ones that will accept you for you. WLS and all. love marie

Carmella- First of all I am not sick of hearing about your weight loss. You look amazing. Second of all, you are in my thoughts and prayers, as well as everyone on this board. All you can do is take things one day at a time, and maintain a positive outlook, even though that is the hardest thing to do.. I have been in your shoes with my first husband, and it was hard. But I learned and grew from that experience and after many years, I now have a good husband(most of the time). But each day you will grow stronger and gain more confidence, and you will make it. God Bless you. Susan

Carmella, reading your post brought tears to my eyes, because I am dreading the same thing. Things are great for me and DH right now, but have always been a struggle even before surgery and i feared losing him also the day I layed on the operating table. I have now, only 6 months out decided that i did this for me, and my daughter and anyone that can't accept it can kiss off.(sorry, just a mini vent there). You ARE a strong beaitiful woman and need not waste any more tears on any man. You will get through this, and it won't be easy, but as you said neither was WLS and you are doing FANTASTIC!!! And as for dating, you will be beating them off with a stick, you look hot girl! Karyn