Response from a dear friend...

I have not really told anyone about my surgery plans except for my mom and sister. Today I finally decided to tell one of my very closest friends. She always gives good advice and deeply cares about me so it is important to have her support. Here is her exact response to my telling her: **You're grown so you can make your own decisions. But I will say that I'm against it, considering I watched it first hand w/ my mom & the fact that they don't tell us everything up front including side effects. I personally don't feel that it's nothing anyone can't do themselves w/out the surgery. It just takes will power & portion control! The only reason it's affective is b/c they staple ur stomach in a 1/4 of it's original size & u can't eat but so much & stuff like sodas that cause a lot of weight gain will set ur stomach on fire if u drink them. Not to mention u loose ur since of taste & will see ur taste buds literally disappear off you tongue. So before you do this seriously think about what you doing to yourself!** Now, I can't get upset with her for sharing her feelings...but this was such a let down for me. It just simply made me feel sad. I just responded with an "OK" & left it at that. Feel free to give your thoughts on this...Thanks! Talk to y'all at a later time.

Hey Sunshine I will tell you that when I first started talking about surgery I got NOTHING but negative responses from friends, family and even my hubby. I was discouraged but figured it wasn't them laying on the table so they could give their opinions but until they had "WALKED A MILE WITH MY KNEES" they really had no right to judge. Up until the day I actually had my surgery my dad was trying to talk me out of it. He suggested that he could help me lose weight (mind you I lived in the same house with this man for 17 frickin' years and he hadn't done it yet!!)!! My mom was just scared because she didn't want to lose me or have my children grow up without a mommy. My husband just didn't know what to expect and honestly we are still working on that because I've always been plus size and he says that's one of the reasons he fell in love with me (claims to be a chubby chaser..personally I hate that term). My best friend in the world finally came around when I told her how miserable I was. She'd seen me on diet after diet and she knew that I had given it my best shot and lived in a fat body all my life and this was my chance to live a "normal" life. My sister is the ONLY one who stood by me through thick and thin. She was there for me when it seemed no one else was (of course my OH buddies were always behind me...did I ever tell ya how great you guys are??). It comes down to this: expect to hear some of the craziest things you've ever heard in your life from some of the closest people in your life. Expect them to try to discourage you. I think alot of it is pure fear...fear of the unknown, fear of what you will look like and act like after surgery, fear of their own self image. I will say this also EVERYONE seems to know SOMEONE that had surgery and something went horribly wrong. I mean right before my surgery people felt it was their "duty" to inform me of every possible bad thing about this surgery and side effects and what happened to so and so. I cared I wanted to know SOME of it..but really most of it was uncalled for. Let me tell you the people who were trying to discourage me before are now gasping at how much weight I've already lost. I feel a thousand times better..I still have trouble accepting compliments and seeing myself the way others do. From what I hear that will come in time. When you've lived your whole life being the biggest one in the room its hard to believe that is actually changing. This is your decision, its your body and your life that's being compromised by being obese. You just have to take what people say with a grain of salt. To suggest that we lose our tastebuds completely is kinda silly but I will tell you that things to do taste different. You know what really stood out for me with this statement?? When I would sit and eat a WHOLE can of pringles (yes I did this once) or a bowl of chips (frequently) after awhile I didn't even taste them anymore. I mean I was just eating for the pure pleasure of having something in my mouth the taste was completely gone for me. I can remember this happening repeatedly so apparently being obese has effects on the ol buds too.. No matter what you choose we are behind you 110%!! If you want to chat or just vent please feel free to email me anytime. It's very hard to struggle with this decision and sometimes from day to day it changes. As I was going through the process I was actually thinking I won't have it. Still to this day I'm in shock I did go through with it..I'm on the losing side...I did it!! I just get excited about it all over again. Finding bones I've never felt before, wearing clothes I never in a million years thought I'd ever fit in again. I went from squeezing( LITERALLY) in a stretch 30/32 to 18/20's and I just had my surgery in April. I saw pictures of me at home this past Christmas and couldn't believe it was me. I said why didn't someone tell me I looked like this. I just sat and stared at those pictures so disgusted. I couldn't believe I had let myself get that out of control. And then after surgery like the first few weeks (which so far have been the hardest for me head hunger and adjusting) I said what is wrong with me...how messed up am I??...I had to have surgery to control my eating..but that's just life. That is the hand I was dealt and you know what ?? I've learned a new game and I'm liking it!! Please don't let anyone get you down..I think you were very wise to just say okay and drop it because it probably would have turned into an argument. You know what they say about people and their opinions... GREAT BIG HUGS, Jamie

Thanks Jamie - it's just hard ya know? It was unexpected. I will just bru**** off and keep going. Just don't want to loose a friend over it...thanks again Sunshine

Jamie, My hubby is a chubby chaser too.... I'm down 116 lbs and he's still chasing, in fact the hunt has stepped up a bit! Karen 356/240/???

You've got to love those friends - I know they mean well, but they just don't get it sometimes, do they? Most of my friends and family have been fairly supportive, but one of them had the same reaction as yours. She told me I should try something more proven, like acupuncture - yeah, that's what I said, acupuncture. She said it has solved all of her problems and it would do the same for me. (like acupuncture is going to help me lose 200 pounds ). I told her I had already made my decision but thank you for your concern. She is still uncomfortable with it and things are a little strained between us. But I've been pretty direct in my dialogue that I know the consequences, have done all the research and have no intention of using acupuncture. She knows not to cross that boundary. It might help if she heard that you DO know what the side affects are, what could happen, etc. She is assuming that you are like her mom and you aren't - everyone is different. My mom was very hesitant at first because of all she had heard about the surgery. Once I sat down with her and showed her the statistics and what the truth was, she is 100% supporting me. I just had to educate her a little bit. Hope this helps - I wi**** was easier to deal with people in regards to this, but you never know how they will react. Hey, at least all of us here will support you 100%!!

Thank you very much. I explained that I was very educated on it. She even went as far as to call it a cop-out and that I am not SO big that I can't do it my self. {???} She has know idea... I love her but I feel like our friendship might end over this. I just don't get why she is SOOOO upset with me over it. Maybe my skin will be thicker later on...but right now I am just hurt. THANKS! *HUGS*

It really does hurt, doesn't it? My friend and me use to go to lunch every month and just talk for hours, now not so much. She isn't accepting my choice and we are just at that point. But I did hesitate to tell people after that - I was hurt and angry by her insistance that I was wrong and didn't know what I was doing. rrrrrrrrrr One thing though that I never thought of was the idea that it's not so much her concern for you as it is her sabotaging something that could change things between you two. I always hear weight lose experts talk about friends and family who, while supporting your weight lose, also sabotage it at the same time. It's possible that her relationship with her mother changed after the surgery and she is projecting that on you. Maybe that's why she is so insistent and upset. Yes, I have my psychology hat on right now I'll take it off now. It's unfortunate that she is so uncomfortable with it, but it may be about something that has nothing to do with the surgery. Just a thought (and one that I'm going to muse for a while about my friend!)

I would e-mail her back and thank her for her honesty. Tell her you know she is acting out of love. Remind her that you have done a great deal of research on this and although you know your taste for certain foods might change you will embrace that. Ask her not to tell you again that weight loss surgery is a cop out, because for you it is your biggest hope. Tell her now that she has expressed her views you know that she will know be very supportive of your decision, because that is the type of friendship that you have always had. As you go on your journey don't use her as a sounding board when you have problems. You can mention that the liquid diet is challenging and such, but don't complain if you vomit. Don't complain about your gas, your scars and head hunger. You get the picture. Tell her your WOW moments. Talk up the good stuff. If you lose her friendship after showing the positive side of WLS, it is her problem. She should cheer you on and embrace your successes. One of my dear friends was worried and basically asked me if I knew what I was getting into. She was also very kind. She is a big cheerleader now. I wish you the very best. Loris

Thank you very much for all your kinds words.

Sunshine, Just wanted to say I love your little pic of that flower! "will power and portion control" ............NOW WHY DIDNT I THINK OF THAT BEFORE?????" Take Care willby