Really feeling fragmented, mentally.

I know, that is a weird subject line. But, it does describe me right now. I'm 14 months out from my surgery. I am down nearly 150 lbs. I haven't made any progress going down further for about 2 months. I exercise a lot, nearly every day. I record most of what I eat in fit day and average about 1900 calories. I know that is a lot, but, I really struggle with eating less!!! I'm hungry all the time. Everywhere I go I get all these people that don't recognize me and praise me for how good I look and I say "great", but, inside I feel like I'm going to fail at this because I've stopped losing and it seems so hard to control my appetite. I had my dietician look at what I'm eating and she thinks I'm eating very well nutritionally, lots of vegetables, protein and fruit, but, I'm a bit high on the carbs. She'd like me to limit my carbs to 25 grams a meal, which I've not been successful doing. I think I'm going kind of crazy now...I love being a size 16-18 (from a 30-32). I love how strong I feel. I love all the compliments. I'm 45 years old, post-menopausal, been through tons of bad health stuff, which is now all gone. But, I guess I'm not meant to be skinny. I am at 235.5, if I could just get to 199...I think I will be happy! I say, I think, because when I was 384, I thought I'd be thrilled at 235! Anyway, I know this is a rambling disjointed note, but, I'm feeling kind of crazy right now. I'm not giving up, just disappointed. Big hugs to all of you!!!! "The Honeymoon is over" Lori 384/235.5/199

Hi Lori, I read and post and just want to hug you. (((hugs Lori)))) Have you tried the plateau buster diet? I've heard it really works. I've seen it posted on the main board but I don't have it. I hear you... I am hungy all the time. I have three meals and two or three snacks a day. I have been eating tons of sugar free jello and sugar free popsicles. I don't have any problems getting my fluids and protein in. Good luck sweetie. Your in my thoughts. You can email me anytime. Diana

Hi Diana, I have been so busy I haven't had time to respond to all the great posts I got. I haven't tried the plateau buster diet. I do have it at home somewhere. It probably does work, but, I don't think I could exercise the way I am and have no carbs at all which is basically what the diet is. It is all protein and liquids (sugar free jello and popsicles). I still may try it. I think I'm going to be okay, I just have my days when I feel like it is making me crazy, do you know what I mean? I, too, eat lots of sugar free popsicles...they do help. Big Hugs, Lori

(((hugs))) Lori, Scoot over on that plateau bench and I'll sit down with you. As for feeling the "failure" bug creeping in ... me too. Everything you said is about just about how I feel too. My BS had me do a calorie analysis chart to send to the nutritionist to see what I may be doing to slow my weight loss (have "played around" with the same 5 lbs now for about 2 months). I'm down to 236 from 442 in just over 15 months, and I know that's not bad considering, and like you, I'm happy to be fitting into the smaller sizes (for me it's a size 16 top, and I just got into an size 18 in pants but with all this extra skin hanging around they're just almost too snug to be comfortable). That's down from a size 6x top and size 32 pants. What weighs heaviest (pardon the weight reference) on me is that I live in this really small town and lately I've had complete strangers ask me if I'm that woman that had the surgery and has lost all the weight. To me that means there are eyes on me waiting to see if I fail, and that's just too hard to imagine. It makes me feel a pressure I don't need right now. Don't know if you can relate to that if you live in a large city, but trust me living here is like living in a fish bowl, and I've never been any kind of attention getter and don't want to be one now. I've realized lately that I'm totally clueless on the carb front ... I'm not handling the glycemic index well still yet, and I'm wondering what I'll find out from the nut when she goes over my calorie analysis chart (I'll hear about that next week). In the meantime, it feels I'm eating too much lately, but some days I'm just hungry all day! Sorry, didn't mean to ramble on and on like this, but I just related so much to what you had to say ... and if having company in the same problems helps I'm there. It certainly tells us that this is not a one-year process doesn't it ... it's for life ... we might feel pretty normal now after a year, but it's still going to be a struggle we can't relax with. Also, if it helps any at all ... my two cousins were two years out on May 22, and one is still losing weight. She was like us (SMO) and has (currently) lost 210 lbs. She's even on maintenance, but still creeping closer and closer to her goal weight (she went on maintenance 20 lbs before goal weight because of the skin she's got to have removed). Ok ... now I'll shut up ... can you tell I've not had a computer lately??? LOL Yakkety, yakkety, yak!!! ((((((hugs and hang in ... thinking about you))))) Myra G

Myra, Thanks for taking the time to post such a long response to me. I do think you really understand. I don't have the problem of living in a small town, but, I do feel like I'm living in a fish bowl at my work. When the University started covering this surgery a couple of years ago, several of us have had the surgery. A few folks, have already gained significant amounts of their weight back. So, I get the feeling people are watching to see what I do now. The major difference between me and the women who have had significant weight gain back is that they don't exercise and never did. Their weight came off fast and easy their first year without them changing much of anything. Then when the "honeymoon was over" their bodies started gaining again. I've made such a complete life transformation with my eating and my exercising that even if I don't lose as much as I'd wished for, I hope I will prevent regaining by staying very active, eating healthy, taking my vitamins and drinking lots of water. Anyway, thanks for being there! Lori

Lori, the honeymoon is completely over when a person is really following their plan and quit losing. You are doing everything right except... You say you're not following your nuts instruction to keep your carbs around 25 per meal. When you are ready to do that, you will see a difference. Sometimes our bodies need a rest. Maybe you have just needed a rest from the extreme effort you have made so long. I think too, that cutting back on the carbs will cut a few calories which might not be a bad idea short term. I on the other hand, quit losing weight because I was eating sweets and way too many carbs. I have resolved to cut back on carbs and sweets. I bought oyster crackers to sprinkle in my crackers and soup. That knocks crackers back about 75%. I am eating more salads instead of sandwhiches. Next I have to cut my portions of rice and pasta. I will try the 25 gram rule of thumb starting tomorrow. I started exercising Friday. I have never exercised in my whole life. I am determined to get to goal. I am only 5"2' so staying at 198 won't cut it for me. Losing a pound a month is no longer cutting it for me either. It took me a while to get back here, because my body felt so good. You will get ready again soon to go to any lenghts. You already do so much. I wish you the very best. Loris 344/198/135 @5'2"

Loris, You are so right. When I really do get my carbs down to 25 grams per meal, with a 150 gram a day maximum, I will probably start losing. When I do that, I may have to cut back on my exercise somewhat as I really can feel the energy I get from the carbs when I exercise. But, that may not be such a bad thing either. I've been listening to a book on my iPod called "Ultrametabolism", which is all about how to get your metabolism more efficient. He recommends cutting out all simple carbs, doing moderate exercise, making sure each day includes some relaxation techniques and finding out what vitamins and herbal remedies you may need to correct imbalances. He says that when you "overexercise" you are actually stressing the body and it may react by not burning fat. That makes sense. Anyway, I appreciate your post and I don't want you to think I am giving up, I just have my days when I feel sorry for myself or something. (Like we all do, I guess.) You guys are great though and I really appreciate the support! Lori

Lori Can I sit on that bench too? I know just how you feel and what you mean. I know people will think this is a huge cop-out( to coin a phrase from the 70's) but sometimes I too feel like some people just arent meant to be thin. (and wouldnt that be a huge weight off our shoulders if it were true?) I dont want to turn into a WLS Cheerleader. So you wont hear any of the Rah Rah Sis Boom Bah stuff from me. Every day I wake up and promise myself to do better with the carbs and water and exercising. And every night I lie in bed and think to myself "what the he77 just happened here?". WOW! Talk about fragmented................lol. Anyways, Lori, take care, dont be so hard on yourself, and oh yeah "RAH RAH RAH...... SIS boom bah!!" willby

Willby, Thanks for your post. I think this surgery is often thought of as the easy way out. And it isn't. It still takes a whole lot of effort, especially if you over 40 or so and female. I am not giving up and neither should you. But, I doubt you or I will ever be in danger of becoming too thin...do you? Lori Big Hugs Willby!

Lori, You are an inspiration in alot of your posts and have come along way. I am 9 months out and just got off a cruise and gained 4 pounds. In 2 weeks I lost it. I increased my water dramatically and I have changed the things I ate. I was in a rut eating the same breakfast bar, same protein bar, etc. I found that I like things i didnt used to like b4 WLS. My trainer has also changed my weight training to circuit training 3 times a week and I am up to walking a mile and jogging YES jogging a quarter of a mile. Right before my period I cant get enough to eat so I keep almonds at my desk. This helps with the protein and roughage. I dont eat vegies or fruits much. Vegies still give me cramps in my belly and I was never into fruits much. My mom just hit 2 years out and is still losing 1-2 pounds a month, even though she needs to stop losing! Do NOT GIVE UP..DO NOT SETTLE...fight it Lori. Fight the carb craving! Hugs, Deb Highest weight 400 surgery weight 368 9 months out 258 Goal weight 199 Goal weight after plastics 170