Why can't I just take a compliment??

Hi everybody out there in SMO-Land, I just wanted to throw out an issue that I noticed about myself today..and I was wondering what you guys think. First of all, I had open RNY Nov. 23, 2005. So I guess I am 8 months out now. I've had allot of changes in my life in the last 8 months, as any of you who have read my rantings and ravings have been clued in on. My life is an open book to all of you out there....not so much with "others" in my life. Today at church a group of ladies were sitting around chit-chatting. One of the ladies was overweight..and all through my pre-approval time would kinda laugh at me..saying that she knows she can loose weight on her own..that she didn't need to resort to drastic means like I was trying to do. She did tell me that she would be "watching me" though..at the time I didn't know how to take it. Well, every week if I go to sit by her, she makes a comment like..."Oh, look at skinny" or "the incredible shrinking woman" etc. etc. It's really embarrassing cause I don't know how to react to her. Is she daunting me or is she truly giving me a sincere compliment? Anyways, a gal who didn't know that I had the surgery commented on my new skirt...I loved it too..real sheer(layered) and flirty. I told her thank you..but went in to how it was so baggy that I wasn't sure how I could take it in without looking weird. Now the heavy gal just looked at me..stuck her nose up in the air and kinda turned her back..under her breath she said.."boy, that must be nice" Now here lies the problem. Why...oh why.... do I think I have to say so much....Why can't I simply take a compliment and move on? Everybody doesn't need to know about the wls and the size changes that go along with it. I guess I still am a SMO at heart and always will be. I feel very insecure in my new life and lifestyle. I am so glad I have you guys to come to if I need a pity-party or a shoulder. Have any of you guys had a similar experience?? HugsGinger

HI sweetie pie! I miss you! I am so sorry you are going through this emotional trouble, but I am here to tell you that you are definitely not the only one girl! It is hard for me also, and sorry I don't know how to fix it or I would! It all happens so fast, it takes time for our brains to catch up. I have also found however that there are some heavy folks in my life that give me attitude about my changes and all I can think is maybe they should have surgery too and they won't be so unhappy. I feel guilty thinking that way because I KNOW it's not that simple, but it wasn't easy for us either and we certainly don't need to get attitude about it. ok, enough rambling from me. All I can say is that hopefully our minds will catch up to our new bodies and life, but until it does, we are in this together! Karyn

Hey Karyn, So glad to see you good ole pal. Aren't you a cutie patooty!!!! I know what you mean about just wanting to tell the over-weight folks you know, how they could really benifit from having the surgery themselves. And I'm not even getting paid fpr endorsing it either. This is such a big deal...I guess we just have to curb our enthusiasm till we can figure out where we "stand "in a world that we "stuck-out" in for so long. How have you been gf? Are you still in school? How's the weight loss?..you look G-R-E-A-T !!!!!!! Hugs and smiles, Ginger

Hi Ginger, People never cease to amaze me. I had one person who claimed to be my friend for a few years. She is overweight also and always would say she could loose her weight with diet and excersie. She loved to eat too and always would get me to go out to lunch at big buffets. I never had been a big eatter so that was in my favor. She made comments regularly about the wls all very negative. So when the day came that I made my choice to have wls I told her up front I did not need any negative comments about wls and we broke off our friendship if you would call it that. She always went behind my back at work and even to my nieghbors saying untrue negative remarks about me and Lee. People like her and this person in your church sound down right jelous. Sometimes we just have to take peoples comments with a grain off salt and bru**** off. I think people like that are very insecure about themselves. One more thing she did loose alot of weight but had 3 C sections so she had a very bad hanging stomach which she always felt excersise would tighten it back up.(wrong) Annie

I am sorry this is a struggle for you. Practice when people compliment you saying thank you, or thank you for saying that. As far as the woman making negative comment goes, be aware that everyone else realizes her comments are inappropriate. They reflect negatively on her, not you. Just say hi back. It is normal not to be used to taking compliments well. You will get better with practice. You do deserve them. Hugs, Loris

Hi Loris, Thanks for your responce. I must be letting the "old me" hold me back in my life. In the past...I mean 20 plus years of obesity...if anybody ever gave me a compliment I just wouldn't believe them, not really..I thought people were just trying to be nice to me cause the "felt sorry" for me. I guess old habits are hard to break. I am definately not at goal by any means..but I am getting there slowly but surely ! Hugs back at ya! Ginger

Hi Sandra, When I am nervous or in an awkward moment, I tend to Talk..and I guess I put my foot in my mouth. I don't mean to give out useless information..but I guess I'm having many an awkward moment. There are so many issues we have to deal with isn't there. I'm glad to deal with the issues and the hanging skin..then deal with how life treated us before wls...don't you agree?? HugsGinger

Ginger, I tend to be the same way. I've made myself start saying "Thank you, isn't it great?" and leaving it at that. I don't do it without effort though. I have to consciously do it every time!!!! Lori

I am so sorry that you are having a hard time. I know I have a friend that when she found out I was doing the surgery thing. She wanted to know every detail. And keep saying I wish I had the nerve to do it.She is SMO. And at first after the surgery she keep almost everyday asking how much I lost and what could I eat. And stuff like that. Now the last couple of months if I see her she just says Hi and nothing. I was seeing a psych doc a few years back and he explained to me that there are two kind of people in this world. The positive and the negative and I had to make up my mind in which kind I wanted to be. To make a long story short and not to go into too much detail I will just say I no longer see this doc. And I havent been in a psych hospital for 7 years. And I am married, happy, and enjoying life. We do what we have to do, It will work out. We are all here if you need us. love ya marie