Guilt, bad dreams, worries... is this normal?

I'm a little over a month out from surgery. I am feeling great physically. I just spent a week with girlfriends at the seaside. We ate out mostly, although I had food for other meals. (I'm supposed to eat 6 times a day, 1/2 cup each) I think I did really well, although it was hard. They kept remarking about how little I was eating. I was unable to blenderize things, so I chose soft foods and just chewed the heck out of them. I have not had any problems with nausea or pain after eating. Anyway, my question is... Since I've started eating real food, I feel guilty all the time, have bad dreams and worry that I'm eating too much. When I add up the calories, it's in the 500 to 700 range, and I am doing well about choices. ( protein at every meal, low carb, low fat) Berfore surgery, when I was on a diet and doing well, I would wake up in the morning and feel so good about myself. Now, I wake up and worry, obssessively adding up what I ate yesterday. I think I am really worried that I will fail. I feel under a microscope from friends and family. Is this because I spent 31K of our retirement money on the surgery, or because I'm a complete freak? Julie

greetings julie it doesn't sound to me like you have anything to feel guilty about! sounds like you made good choices...and the 500-700 calorie range seems reasonable for how far out you are. it's probably just the stress of using your retirement money. i know what you mean about feeling like you are under a microscope - and that kind of pressure could be causing these guilt feelings. i'm sure there are plenty of people here where i work who are just waiting for me to blow this weight loss, as i have so many times in the past. but i'm going to prove them wrong this time! i think you should give yourself a break! you're doing great. and, no, you are not a complete freak! all the best! deb

Deb, You are right, I do need to give myself a break. I know that people mostly ask because they care and don't realize the pressure they are putting on me. I need to work on chilling out. julie

Hey Julie, Sorry you are worrying about all this right now. I think you have what we all have from time to time. Or at least some others that I have talked to. You have this constant thought of what goes in your mouth till thats all you can think about. But I promise it will be getting better. It is such an overwhelming feeling having to eat this, do that, and you arent out of WLS that long. So this feeling is normal but try not to let it get to you.And as far as you spending your retirement money.... Forget about it. At least you will be healthier and happier now in your retirement days. And feel blessed that you had it to use. So just hang in there and I know you are doing all your best... Hugs Marge

Margaret, Sometimes I think it's all been too easy. I feel great, I seem to be able to eat anything, and nothing makes me sick. That scares me. It's true that the money is gone, I just need to forget about it. I do feel blessed and loved that my husband was willing to do it and my family is 100% behind me. When does it start feeling like you've lost enough that you don't feel pressured? Ever? My sister just saw me for the first time today and she said she can 'tell' but no specifics, which makes me feel like she is just saying that. Arrgh! Nothing makes me feel adequate. Julie

It's tough Julie. I think we are stuck in "diet mode" and we tend to think we are going to fail. I go through this ALOT! Yesterday at a birthday party someone said "you look so small" and what was my response.."yea I wish". It was kinda of rude for me to say but I didn't even think about it..it just came flying out of me. It's very hard to think we've finally found something that works as long as we work it...I know that sounds soooooo WW's but it's true. I think you are doing absolutely wonderful. I'd like to say the worries will ease up but for me it's just bounced from one thing to another. I hear alot of people say that it will take time for our minds to catch up so I'm waiting..not very patiently but waiting.. Try and take it easy on yourself, as long as you do what you need to do you'll lose. As far as the microscope goes I think that should be in handout they give us pre-surgery. I have so many people "concerned" about my weight loss and most are strangers. I see them at my son's school and they feel compelled to ask me EVERY time they see..."so how much ya lost now?" Sometimes I'm in a snippy mood and will say "well I'll tell you I started out at 297 and now I'm down..to whatever it is that day" But really it's none of their darn business but they LOVE to ask. When I tell them I started at 297 they always respond by saying "I didn't think you looked that big!" Oh really yea well thanks and shut up now... I think people are just naturally nosey and want to be a part of our journey whether we want them to or not. That's why this board is such a saving grace. I can come here and complain, rant, share wow moments or just hang out. It lets me be with people *****ALLY understand where I've been and where I'm going. I just take what everyone else has to say with a grain of salt. This surgery was for us and we have to remember that. We will succeed and if we have slips along the way or plateau's or whatever it's okay! Hang in there Julie it will get better!! Hugs, Jamie

Jamie, It's true, I really don't know what I would do without this board. You have all helped me so much, even if you don't know it. I read every single word here. You all are my peeps. Yeah, I'm only weighing once a month, so I'm hoping people will get tired of me saying I don't know. Thank you Jamie, Julie

Julie, I'm 15 months out...let me tell you these feelings you have right now will change. This can be an emotional roller coaster...it still is for me. Just keep doing the right things to the best you can. We understand! Lori 384/238/199

Lori, By far it has been a positive experience so far. Sometimes I even forget and think, man I have to have weight loss surgery! Then I remember I already did. Maybe that's menopause. Julie

Hi, My Dr. starts us on soft foods 2 weeks out... 1 1/2 oz protein and 1 oz non starchy veg or fruit 3x a day and 2 protein shake snacks. YOu are going to be worried...I know I estimate and get two peach slices instead of weighing it every time and I worry.. but you should be fine. Shellie