Having thoughts that I'm going to die now!!!!

Hello everyone.............. It's been a long time since I posted...... For us "old timers"  you know what this past 20 months have been for me...  For everyone one else, I will make this short, if I can  LOL I was 426 pounds day of surgery, May 23, 2005, & very unhapply married.  Last July 3rd my husband of 11 years walked out on me with HIS 2 kids and wrote me a "note" and met me after work and gave this to me.  He had planned leaving me for 3 months prior.  ((GOOD RIDDENS)) 2 week later I met the LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!!  I thank God EVERYDAY for Bernie. The things I am thankful for everyday: God My Life (now) My Family My Weightloss This is my problem....... I could of cared less 20 months ago if I died.  I DIDN'T CARE!! Today....I can't stop thinking about it.  I am soo happy how and everything is finally right for me, I just keep worrying  that something is going to happen to me now.  I am actually to the point now that I cry on my way to work, beacause I am scared.  Bernie is an over the road truck driver and I get this overwhelming feeling that when he comes home I "need" to tell him how much I love him and how happy I am, "just in case something happens to me".   This may sound nuts.  I don't know.  My mom tells me to stop worrying about this, but I can't.  I just wanted to know if anyone else had these feelings after surgery and losing your weight.

Sometimes I just think that I wasn't scared to die before, I was invincible @ 426 pounds, but now, I'm terrified.  I just want to enjoy everything that I have missed out on all these years and I'm not ready to die.  So I guess I'm "taking back" all them times I asked God, to please, just let me die, I'm miserable. Well I'm not ready to go!!!!!  Just wanted some thoughts.  Oh, yes, if your wondering...I've been on antidepressants for over 6 years and my MD thought it's time to be off of them, so now I am.  Don't know if that has anything to do with it.  I hope not, because I really don't want to go back on them. Thanks your input!!!! Carmella -230 pounds!!! 

I would think being off the anti-depressants has a lot to do with it.  Ask yourself why you don't want to be back on them.  It is not weak to take them.  Your body has a chemical imbalance.  I would also suggest a good therapist.  I have, until recently, been in therapy for years.  It's a great thing.  You may only need a couple of sessions.  My situation was unique.  I wish all good things and I do care.  Loris

Carmella, I agree with Loris, I think being off the antidepressants has a huge effect on how your feeling.  I have been on antidepressants for years, I did stop one time, but I felt so bad, I went right back on.  I can't imagine not taking them. They make me feel so much better, why would I give that up. If a pill can make that big a difference... why not take it. I know some people have a thing against taking pills, but not me.  You should talk to your doctor about this.  Of course it is always a good idea to tell those how much you love them... not just in case you die, but in case something happens to them too. I too was over 400lbs and I was terrified of dying then. Imagining the EMT's trying to fit me in the back of an ambulance...etc. now I feel so much better, I don't stress over that kinda stuff. Call your doctor and see what he/she has to say about your feelings.  Take Care, we are all here for you Lynn