It's Me-Whining Again!

Here I am whining again to you all, but no one else will understand.  Since September when all the drama in my life started, I have given up.  I eat whatever, whenever I want.  Nothing bothers me, so I eat it.  Well I have porked back on 25 pounds.  Still a size 18, so I dont' know where the weight is, but the scale don't lie.  I have got to get back on track, but even with the new medication, I don't give a rat's hind end.  Everyone I see says I look great and don't I feel better and have more energy-no I don't to either.  I have less energy than a slug going uphill.  I am so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.  I take all the vitamins, etc that I am supposed to take.  The psych doctor suggested adding B6 as well to see if that boosted my energy as well as a low dose of thyroid med.  He said that even though the TSH can show fine in lab tests, I still may need it.  Well I haven't taken anything since 6 months after I had the left side of my thyroid out in 1989.  Back then I was told they would do the surgery, I would take the pill and feel so much better.  The did the surgery, I took the pills and felt worse, so I quit taking them.  I cannot see any difference now either, so once this one month's supply is gone, I won't take them anymore.  I did manage to get all the clothes washed yesterday in spite of the stupid washing machine that I hate.  The darn thing is not draining right and overflows the pipe and I have an extra load for the towels that I use.  Another one of the previous owner's diy projects that is not "quite right".  If he had installed either a 3 inch drainage pipe or one that was 1 1/2 inches taller this would not be happening now.  As it is, by the time Boyce gets around to doing anything about it the kitchen floor will have to be replaced.  The other owner put those stick on tiles on the kitchen floor and didn't do them right either.  They have floated away and there are gaps of up to 2 inches between tiles in some places.  Sometimes I am just tempted to put some things in storage and set fire to the place.  But that is not the answer.   I know I have to get back on track, but that too will have to wait until the first of the month.  If I injest nothing but protein drinks and water until I re-lose the weight, that is what I will do.  My birthday is Sunday-big deal.  I will be 46 and what a wasted life I have had.  And no, there will be no celebrating.  No money for one thing, I don't care for the other.  Going to go now and wallow about some more like the pig I am. Janie

Janie, I've read a little bit  about you thru your posts and some of your husbands.  First off I would just like to say that I'm sorry your feeling pretty bad :(  Theres nothing I or anybody else can say that will make it better. I know this because I suffer with depression and anxiety and I have for years. I also have a thyroid problem and take medication for it.  I lost my job due to my ex husband (who now lives high on the hog), I went thru a nasty divorce, I filed bankruptcy, met another man, lived with him for 2 years, planned to marry and he left me for his old girlfriend, I lost another good job due to cut backs, my camaro got repoed.......I could go on and on. BUT, I gained over 150 lbs. since all this has happend to me.  I'm waiting to get approval for the surgery.  Sometimes I want to lay in a hole and die. I don't go anywhere cause I dont want anyone to see me, I dont work, I dont even do my own grocery shopping.  And I thought that once I lost the weight, it would all get better.  But I see, with your situation, it may not get better for me, either.  I dont know what I'm trying to say to you.....and maybe i'm just rambling about my sad pathetic life too. But honey, there still is the power of prayer.  I go to bed everynight praying that my life will get better. I sleep all day and don't get up til 3 in the afternoon.  Things here are pretty bad. But ya know what, the way things are, the only way it can go is up. I'm already in a dreadful way, so it just has to get better. cant get any worse, right.  A while back I started getting up early and I began drinking my water and i slowly began to clean this house.  I did this everyday for a few weeks and believe it or not, I did feel better.  I still didnt go anywhere, but I felt better.  I just kept myself busy with things, so I couldnt wade in my self pity.  But, other things have happend and I'm back to the old way again.  I will shut up now, but I just want you to k now that I will be praying for you. ITS GOT TO GET BETTER!  ((((HUGZZZ)))

hi janie:    i'm so sorry you're going through such a tough spell.  although my problems are vastly different, my feelings are about the same.  i'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.  and i'm finding it hard to even care about it.  but i sincerely hope you'll find a way to stop being so hard on yourself, sweetie.  we're all doing the best we can with our cir****tances.  sometimes we coast.  at times we even veer off our path.  but the prior post was, imho, right on.  there's always prayer and faith in the hope that things have to get better.   i won't make this message too long, hun.  i just wanted to say that you're not a pig.  you're a wonderful person - i've tried to keep up on the board - and you've hit a rough patch.   hope it gets better soon. hugs

We are here for you any time you need an ear or a dozen pairs.  You are still depressed and that is a rough place to be.  I am sorry that you are going through this.  Please know that I care.  Hugs, Loris

Hugs and prayers