Coming OUT

 

I am coming out.  I am having revision in the morning at Baylor with Dr Arnold.  I have done everything they have asked of me.  I have been too ashamed to come here and ask for support because it would mean sharing that I failed at my RNY surgery done four years ago.   It was slow going from the very beginning even though I exercised, ate healthy, and was very compliant with all the post op rules.  When discouragement, new meds including steroids, and changes in habits all contributed to gaining weight, I was too embarrassed to come here and tell the truth.  I didn't want to share the negative side of all this.  I didn't want to discourage the pre-ops or sound ungrateful for the successes I did have.  I didn't want to stand up and share that I blew it. As I have really examined what worked and what didn't I came to a realization this morning.  Going to our coffee support group at Starbucks every other week and staying connected with others via OH did help.  My plan is to do the things that will support my heart's desire to get a handle on my weight, address what has kept me fat, and create a lifestyle that assists me in those dreams. So it is hard as hell but I am standing up to say I blew my first go round at using my tool to the best of my ability.  I take responsibility for it.  I don't blame the hospital where I had my surgery even though it is now closed because of bankruptcy or my surgeon who is no longer practicing.  They contributed to the problem because of how my surgery was done (according to MD who did my colonoscopy). Today is a new day.  I am starting over.  Coming out here and telling the truth about what has happened and what is happening now will make a difference for me. 

Please hold a good thought in the morning for my surgeon Dr Arnold and the wonderful nursing staff at Baylor Medical Center. I do feel blessed to get to start over with an outstanding comprehensive bariatric program with excellent follow-up.  I am going to do my best this time. Thanks for reading this long rambling post. 

ps. Maybe I can start going back to support meeting or the Dallas WLS Dinners without feeling horrible knowing how fat I am compared to the last time folks saw me.

 pss. If I get super brave and find the time before surgery, I will find a picture to put up.

 

 

Good luck tommorow . your will be in my prayers. I wish you the best.

You have taken a big step. You sound really determined. I wish and pray the best for you. Please keep us posted and never be ashamed. A family is in it for the good and bad and this support site can help with it all. Hugs, Pam

Ann, I know this is your surgery day and I hope it goes well for you.  I want to say that your post really inspired me.  It is so hard to admit when we don't do what we need to do, but, we do help others when we can.  I've really struggled with my weight loss.  I've lost close to 150 but, only down to 245, but, I haven't lost a thing in about a year now and I'm really having to work hard to maintain.   I exercise on a consistent basis or I'm sure I would have had quite a weight gain by now.  I fight myself on an hourly basis not to eat.  I often give in, which will be my ruin if I don't really get a handle on it. This surgery just doesn't fix the issues we have that made us super morbidly obese in the first place.  I hang in here in this support group, attend a weekly weigh****chers meeting and a monthly in person WLS support group at the hospital I had my surgery just to hang on...sometimes it feels like I'm hanging on by my fingernails, but, what is my alternative???  I'm just saying all  this because I really understand...and will try and support you anyway I can. Hugs, Lori 384/245/199

First I want to wish you a successful and uneventful surgery. I want to thank you for coming out. I am down from 362 to 249 and has been holding their for 2 weeks and I know why. I am and always will be addicted to food. Now that I know that I can snack I do snack......ALL THE TIME. Today is my first day of starting over with the basics. I snack on things like cracker, peanuts, fruit. But I eat them all the time. I am not hungry when I do, I do it because it is available. I know if I don't get control of it, I will be right back where I started and god knows as much as I go thru mentally on a daily basis just dealing with how different people treat me now that I am smaller, I don't know I could take being treated invisible again.  I don't consider you a failure. You are strong for admitting it.  I admire you for sharing. You don't know how much you have helped me. Thank you, thank you so much.