Sorta scared

I havent even gone for my first appointment.. but I am already scared.. i look at my 11 and 13 year old daughters and i keep thinking what if I die...am i really doing this for myself or for them.. and when i know its for myself also i feel guilty!!!! did any of you go through this?  I know I need this.. but I made the mistake of going to the memorial page... and I read almost all of them.. and its so funny all of those people almost every one of them had the same hopes and dreams as I have.. god bless them... and it scares me cause so many left small children.........   how do i get over this fear?  my husband is getting ready to go to prison... and I want to get my life back together health wise while he is gone cause Im going to be losing 3 years with him possibly 4 and I dont want to miss any others.. with him or my daughters... life is a ***** sometimes!!!

I'm so sorry for all the stress you are going through.  I felt the same way before surgery, but by the week before, i turned calm, i believe in my doctors, and this surgery is what i needed to get me on the path for being healthy.  I hope things work out for you.  Lys

I'm just going to my first seminar Wed. and I've been thinking about this surgery for a long time.  I know what you mean about being scared and worried about the kids and all.  My kids are 22, 12, 12, 11 and 9.  But my quality of life is nothing.  I can't swim with them, play with them, go to amusement parks, etc.  So being their mom in the recliner is what they get.  That isn't fair to them or to me.  My understanding of the memorials is that a lot of those people did NOT die from the surgery or from complications from the surgery.  THey died from other causes.  Also, I had heard that there was a 1 in 99 mortality rate for RNY.  That's not true either - it's much better than that.  I am finally really psyched for this.  It's my last chance as I, as many on this site, have tried absolutely EVERYTHING to lose weight and it just doesn't come off.  Let's take this chance and RUN with it!  I will if you do!  God bless us as we go on the greatest journey of our lives!  We CAN do this!! Lori in Illinois

I think we all experience some level of fear (or terror) in connection with WLS.  For me, I fell in the terrified camp.  But once I had made the decision that I needed WLS for my long-term health, I simply allowed myself to experience the terror, really feel what it felt like, think about why I was so scared, and I was finally able to "move through" the terror and go forward with my surgery.   I'd spent a lot of my life avoiding the emotions that came naturally.  I think that happened as a defense mechanism when I was younger to protect myself when others made fun of me, or said mean things because I was fat.  So for a long time, I avoided actually experiencing the emotions that came naturally.  One of the things that I realized I'd have to do in connection with my WLS was to make peace with my past, and learn to deal with my emotions more "normally."  For me, that started by allowing myself to experience what was going on, learning to identify my emotions more clearly, and learning healthy ways to cope, rather than turning to food for comfort.  That's part of the emotional and psychological journey that goes along with this process for some folks.   Anyway, that's my experience with this issue - I hope some of what I've said is helpful.  I wish you luck and peace on your continuing journey. Kellie

My surgeon was the one recently interviewed on 60 minutes and he says that the death rate for RNY performed now is 1 in 1000.  I think that is darn good odds.  Don't feel guilty for wanting the surgery for yourself too.  If you didn't have children you wouldn't care about improving your health so much.  And if you didn't want it so much, your chance of success wouldn't be as good. I got over my fear by turning it over for to God.  If that doesn't fit your beliefs, at the very least realize that it is out of your hands.  You are not responsible for the surgery's outcome.  Try to think positive and know that if you do the surgery that you are doing the very best you know how to become healthier.  I wish you well and hope you will stick around here as you reclaim your life.  Loris

One thing that stayed on my mind before surgery - If I didn't have this surgery I knew I would die! Remember everyone there in the operating room wants to see you live as much as you do, and they will work very hard to make sure nothing happens to you. Best wishes to you.

If you are strong & focused, before long that fear will turn into peace of mind KNOWING you are doing the right thing.  To NOT do this would most likely be something to fear more. No good can come from obesity. Congrats to you for doing this to get your life under control. Believe me, after all is said & done, you will be very happy you made this choice...an so will your family!  Good luck to you! ! HUGS  Jeanine

Hi,  I was having these feelings my self last week.  But then I thought if I don't have it, I'll die young anyway or be totally immobile.  As it is now, I don't want to do anything or go anywhere unless I absolutely have to and if there is a way to get out of it, I do.   So I think I probably would be selfish if I didn't go thru with WLS.   As it is I can't do anything anyway because I can't walk very far without needing to sit down and always scoping out where the next seat is.  I hate that.  My back hurts, hips hurt, feet and legs swell, sleep apnea and now just found out I have clogged up arteries and have to have an angiogram with possible stents.  I'm only 48!.  So I know I have to do this surgery for myself and my family.   Hang in there and I think our preop fears are normal as most people seem to think the same things.   Linda