Tips for regaining focus?

As some of you know, I've had a pretty crazy summer.  Changes at work, changes in several important relationships in my life, and two upcoming rounds of plastic surgery in the next 4 months that I was not expecting to do until 2009 but my insurance is changing so I have to do it now or pay for everything myself.   

Some of the changes in my relationships have to do with the fact that I've changed so much during the 3 years after my WLS.  I've always been the fat, happy-go-lucky person, everyone's friend, always with a good word and a friendly smile.  Lately with everything that's been going on, that happy person has been replaced by someone with a furrowed brow, a sad face, and nothing happy to say.  I know that some of these things are just natural growing pains, about learning who the new me is, figuring out what I want out of life now.  But dangit, I really miss my old happy-go-lucky self. 

I've never seen a counselor before -- have mostly been able to handle whatever life throws at me pretty well.  But all these changes at the same time have really thrown me for a loop.  So I have an appointment to see a counselor, but I can't get in to see her until September 19th (I'm also on a cancel waiting list, so I may get in sooner if someone else cancels an appointment.) 

Why am I telling you all this, you ask?  Because I'm wondering if any other long-term post-ops have gone through something similar.  I'm wondering if anyone has tips or suggestions about things I can do to help me regain my focus.  I'm wondering if anyone else who had always been fat is struggling with the same thing:  I knew who I was when I was fat, now I feel like I have no idea who I am, and that's a pretty scary thing....  I've tried telling myself "it'll all work out as it's intended to be" and to "let it go" and I've said the Serenity Prayer more times than I can count, especially in connection with the relationship issues.  But I am open to any suggestions, insights, or thoughts you guys may have that you'd be willing to share. 

Thanks to everyone for their support - it's appreciated...

Kellie

Hey Kellie,

I'm happy to see you back around here! It sounds like your life is pretty crazy right now. I wish I had any wisdom on the subject but I don't think I knew who I was fat and I definitely have no idea who I am less-fat.

I think seeing a counselor is a great idea. If nothing else, it gives you a chance to get it all out without any judgement, and maybe get some wisdom and advice in the process.

I wish you all the best!
Jenn

Thanks, Jenn.  I've been lurking, but not posting much.  I'm having some serious growing pains, and dealing with some pretty complicated stuff.  I do hope that a counselor can help me sort out some of the things that have been going on; I feel pretty directionless, and that's just not like me.  Of course, I may find out that I'm just going to be directionless for a while, but if a professional tells me that's okay, perhaps that'll make it easier to handle. 

Thanks again for your kind words - I do appreciate it...

Kellie

Hi Kellie!  Remember me from way back?  I have not been to this site in a very long time.  Took me 5 minutes to get logged back in so I could reply to you.  Forgot my password.

I want you to know that I support you during this time of self discovery.  I think you and I had our surgery about the same time.  You do lose a sense of who you are once you've been through this.  I used to think that I was this thin person waiting to get out and that once the weight was gone that I'd be happy and free!  But, now I feel like a thinner (I'll never be thin) person who is actually a fat person who is trying to be that way again as I struggle not to regain.

I had a giant surgery in February.  Double Mastectomy with DIEP Flap Reconstruction.  I had breast cancer 6 years ago.  I kept having bad mammograms the last 3 years, because the breast tissue of my left breast started dying due to the radiation compromising the blood supply.  Well, it was finally time to get rid of the breast.  Then I found out about this procedure, which basically gives you a tummy tuck and uses the fat and tissue from the abdominal area to rebuild the breasts, so I went for it.  It is a very difficult recovery.  I would still recommend it to anyone in my shoes, but, it really screwed me up for exercise.  Even though it has been over 6 months, I still have a lot of muscle spasms in the abdominal area when I exercise.  I just recently started physical therapy.  Of course, I've gained weight, about 15 lbs or so and I feel yucky.  I struggle with eating the right things in the right amounts.

I'm determined to make this work for me.  I've called to make a therapy appointment too.  They are supposed to call me back.  I see my WLS surgeon tomorrow for an annual followup.  My blood work looks very good, so, it is just "shame" that I'm dealing with over the weight gain...

Wow, I haven't helped at all, have I????  I just want to say, I understand.
Lori

Thanks, Lori; it's good to see you on the board again.  I've wondered how you are doing... 

I definitely feel like I've lost a sense of self, and I'm struggling to regain that.  I think I'll find it eventually, but the road to getting there is pretty twisted and turning right now. 

I'm glad to hear that you've made a good recovery from your surgery, muscle spasms and all.  It sounds like your making good progress there.... 

I hope the therapy/counseling appointments help both of us find our way down a new, healthier path... 

And yes, you have helped, because sometimes just knowing I'm not the only one who feels like she's sitting in a sinking boat bailing desperately with a tiny teaspoon is helpful; it's good to know I'm not alone...

Kellie

I've heard that it is pretty common to go through this sort of upset. I know that one of DH's fears is that once I'm more conventionally attractive I'll find someone else. That's not the intention of my journey, but I can see the danger there.

I can't speak to your situation, but for me, the jolly fat girl is someone who accepts less than a full cup because she's afraid that if she doesn't take what is offered, she'll have none. Back in the early '80s, I lost 80 lbs, from 280 down to 200. Around the same time, I left my 1st husband. One of the reasons I left was that we had grown apart and what little we had in common was gone. Lots of couples continue on that way - I probably would have if I hadn't lost weight or we had kids.

What the weight loss gave me was the confidence to leave. When I thought no one else would ever want me, it was easier to stay. I knew that I wanted more from a relationship than I had in my marriage. But I didn't have the cojones to make a change until I felt more confident.

The jolly fat girl doesn't protest when she's not happy - she's afraid to.
The smaller girl is confident to make her needs known and expect that her needs will be met.

Kellie,

I'm sad to hear that you're struggling because you've been a real inspiration to me.  Still, I think that we all have our struggles and it's good to know that you're so open to sharing them.

As a counselor, I'm a strong advocate of counseling.    Go figure.  Anyway, I always tell people that wonder about counseling - you go to the gym to keep your body fit, go to your counselor to keep your emotions fit.  My regular therapy sessions are like a spa day to me - a gift that I give myself.  It's hard work, but it's so worth it.  

I'm not a long-term post-op, but I already see myself struggling with this issue - not so much figuring out who I am, but saying goodbye to who I was.  I hope that the counselor really helps you figure out what you're looking for.

Be good to yourself.