Ack! Obsessing Over Food and Family!
My family is having a family holiday weekend in a few weeks. It will be my two sisters, their grown kids and their kids, my mom and my family (dh, dd who is 6 and me.) We're all staying at an Embassy Suites and it has already been made clear that Saturday night, plan on being at the free happy hour for drinks - I think the happy hour is like 2 or 3 hours long, and I'm pretty sure my family will be there for all of it! I, on the other hand, will be sitting there sucking on my water bottle - oh what fun!
While I'm looking forward to seeing everybody, I'm dreading it all the same. My first thought was, "What cookies and munchies can I bring?" WTF!?!? I know it's my food obsession/disease kicking in - 'la,la,la,la don't want to deal with what's really going on - so let's eat, eat, eat!!'
Even though I know I have no business baking the most sinful cookies and goodies you can imagine, I have no business even thinking of eating them! But here I am thinking about it, looking at recipes, etc. Talk about food porn - just looking at the photos gets me hyped up.
So what's really going on? Um...could it be family secrets - or at least things that we don't dare mention for it may pop the image of the perfect family? Such as that my grown niece, 31 years old, who has a very expensive college education, chooses to live hand to mouth by selling jewlery and being a massage therapist (she has no training; she says it's all intuitive!!) and borrowing clothes from a circle of friends. She delights in telling us all about how she lives in a village that operates on bartering, it's almost like a commune. Okay. She was married 5 years ago - but her husband won't come to any family gatherings, he has to stay home to take care of the dogs. Of course, he also announced about a year ago that he thinks it would be better if they would live as a married couple for two years and then live apart, be free to do whatever, with whomever, for two years - but they would still visit each other! They are finishing up the first year of being 'apart' doing whatever and he seems to have found another whomever to spend time with, to do whatever. And here's my niece acting like she has the most amazing marriage, (oh they have a 3 year old boy together) and here's my sister and BIL acting like it's all normal and hunky dorey!! My BIL especially worships the ground this girl walks on and is always hyper vigiliant that my niece receive the proper accolades of being such an outstanding mother, how she is so successful in business (what business???), and she's just an amazing woman. Oh okay, that's great - let me get up in the morning to schlep off to work again so my taxes can help pay for one of the many government programs your daughter and grandson are on because she chooses not to use her college education, much less work at something so lowly as a regular paying JOB! (This is the niece who told me while I was leaving early one morning to drive back to my job to do payroll - 'Wow...I can't imagine having to do something at a certain time every couple of weeks. I couldn't stand having my time boxed in like that - especially when you have to do it for other people!" Oh like the 30 employees who were depending on being paid that week??? Sheesh!
My other sister will turn into the activities director. It will be all about what works the best for her grown son and DIL. This sister will set the schedule (she's the one that's already determined the happy hour!) and where everyone needs to be and at what time. And if you don't go along with the activities director, there will be hell to pay. This sister will go as far as making sure that my dd is 100% locked into whatever my sister wants to do so if we even attempt to back out of it, we have a disgruntled 6 year old on our hands. Talk about manipulation!
Ho, ho, oh crap! Happy holidays!!! Seriously, I think I want to make sure there's a lot of food to eat so I can stuff my mouth instead of screaming!! Thank god we're staying home for Christmas, just the three of us.
Thanks of listening!
Jana
While I'm looking forward to seeing everybody, I'm dreading it all the same. My first thought was, "What cookies and munchies can I bring?" WTF!?!? I know it's my food obsession/disease kicking in - 'la,la,la,la don't want to deal with what's really going on - so let's eat, eat, eat!!'
Even though I know I have no business baking the most sinful cookies and goodies you can imagine, I have no business even thinking of eating them! But here I am thinking about it, looking at recipes, etc. Talk about food porn - just looking at the photos gets me hyped up.
So what's really going on? Um...could it be family secrets - or at least things that we don't dare mention for it may pop the image of the perfect family? Such as that my grown niece, 31 years old, who has a very expensive college education, chooses to live hand to mouth by selling jewlery and being a massage therapist (she has no training; she says it's all intuitive!!) and borrowing clothes from a circle of friends. She delights in telling us all about how she lives in a village that operates on bartering, it's almost like a commune. Okay. She was married 5 years ago - but her husband won't come to any family gatherings, he has to stay home to take care of the dogs. Of course, he also announced about a year ago that he thinks it would be better if they would live as a married couple for two years and then live apart, be free to do whatever, with whomever, for two years - but they would still visit each other! They are finishing up the first year of being 'apart' doing whatever and he seems to have found another whomever to spend time with, to do whatever. And here's my niece acting like she has the most amazing marriage, (oh they have a 3 year old boy together) and here's my sister and BIL acting like it's all normal and hunky dorey!! My BIL especially worships the ground this girl walks on and is always hyper vigiliant that my niece receive the proper accolades of being such an outstanding mother, how she is so successful in business (what business???), and she's just an amazing woman. Oh okay, that's great - let me get up in the morning to schlep off to work again so my taxes can help pay for one of the many government programs your daughter and grandson are on because she chooses not to use her college education, much less work at something so lowly as a regular paying JOB! (This is the niece who told me while I was leaving early one morning to drive back to my job to do payroll - 'Wow...I can't imagine having to do something at a certain time every couple of weeks. I couldn't stand having my time boxed in like that - especially when you have to do it for other people!" Oh like the 30 employees who were depending on being paid that week??? Sheesh!
My other sister will turn into the activities director. It will be all about what works the best for her grown son and DIL. This sister will set the schedule (she's the one that's already determined the happy hour!) and where everyone needs to be and at what time. And if you don't go along with the activities director, there will be hell to pay. This sister will go as far as making sure that my dd is 100% locked into whatever my sister wants to do so if we even attempt to back out of it, we have a disgruntled 6 year old on our hands. Talk about manipulation!
Ho, ho, oh crap! Happy holidays!!! Seriously, I think I want to make sure there's a lot of food to eat so I can stuff my mouth instead of screaming!! Thank god we're staying home for Christmas, just the three of us.
Thanks of listening!
Jana
Sounds a lot like dysfunction junction! No one knows how to manage your family better than you, so I am not going to try to pacify you by offering advice that may no be applicable to your family situation - but I will say this - life is short. Do your best to make the best out of each day and if that means avoiding happy hour or not doing something the "activities director" planned then don't do it. You are grown and in charge of your happiness - make decisions that make that happen! Best of Luck to you! Clinell
Well, if no one knows how to handle my family better than me, we're all in big trouble!!!! LOL Personally I think I would put Dr. Phil on retainer if I could afford him...
I do know that I need to do whatever is best for me at each moment. If that means I go swim with the kids during happy hour...so be it. If that means I go to the hotel's gym during happy hour...so be it. If that means I excuse myself to go read a book...so be it. It bothers me that even after all the therapy and 12-step work I've done and continue to do, I'm reduced to plodding my way through a family get together for coping skills. But...what it is...is.
Thanks for chiming in. It's good to have validation that it's a tad bit dysfunctional (and it's not fun anymore, dammit!!)
Jana
I do know that I need to do whatever is best for me at each moment. If that means I go swim with the kids during happy hour...so be it. If that means I go to the hotel's gym during happy hour...so be it. If that means I excuse myself to go read a book...so be it. It bothers me that even after all the therapy and 12-step work I've done and continue to do, I'm reduced to plodding my way through a family get together for coping skills. But...what it is...is.
Thanks for chiming in. It's good to have validation that it's a tad bit dysfunctional (and it's not fun anymore, dammit!!)
Jana
Oh Jana, holidays do bring out the best in families don't they?
It's so important to focus on the celebration and not the food at this time of year. It's hard when it comes to family issues but you can do it!
I have a couple suggestions for you -
Don't just sip on water during happy hour. Take along some crystal light to go packs or even SF margarita packs (I'll even send you some if you PM me your address) and order a water on the rocks with a twist of lemon or lime and add a pack in. No one needs to know your not drinking if you choose not too.
If your family is bringing goodies, make up some WL friendly recipes, so you know you can join in and eat. I do this all the time. I make appetizers and desserts I know I can have a few bites of, if I want them. No one else can usually tell they are healthier.
With some planning ahead you'll get through this in spite of them all!
It's so important to focus on the celebration and not the food at this time of year. It's hard when it comes to family issues but you can do it!
I have a couple suggestions for you -
Don't just sip on water during happy hour. Take along some crystal light to go packs or even SF margarita packs (I'll even send you some if you PM me your address) and order a water on the rocks with a twist of lemon or lime and add a pack in. No one needs to know your not drinking if you choose not too.
If your family is bringing goodies, make up some WL friendly recipes, so you know you can join in and eat. I do this all the time. I make appetizers and desserts I know I can have a few bites of, if I want them. No one else can usually tell they are healthier.
With some planning ahead you'll get through this in spite of them all!
Jan
I know I can, I know I can
I know I can, I know I can
Oh holidays are just the best, aren't they? While I do fairly well dealing with my family by each family group, when we're all bunched together, I get all wonky. And this family gathering doesn't even include my two brothers!!! 
Thanks for the offer of SF margarita mix!! What I'm going to do is take some Crystal Light and stock the room fridge with yogurt and cottage cheese for emergencies. I have to take care of myself and I may just spend more time than planned in the hotel gym!
Take Care,
Jana
Thanks for the offer of SF margarita mix!! What I'm going to do is take some Crystal Light and stock the room fridge with yogurt and cottage cheese for emergencies. I have to take care of myself and I may just spend more time than planned in the hotel gym!
Take Care,
Jana
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