What Will She Think?

hello everyone, I make myself so mad sometimes that I could justmyself. My friend is coming to visit and I havent seen her for 18 years!!!! I really want to see her,but what will she think of my weight gain? And why do I care ???? Also wanted to say to all the pre-ops out there(myself included) keep your chin up!!! ( well, in my case that would be chins) Take care.

Awww...you're way to hard on yourself. I am the same way though, so I understand completely. Just think though, if she doesn't see you now, it won't be as big of a triumph when you get to see her after you've dropped all that weight! It's gonna be great! Julie

Julie, Thanks for answering my post. Its you guys on here that help me make it through the day sometimes. I appreciate it!! You all are awesome.

Anyone who loves you will have a few reactions: 1. They will love you no matter what. 2. They will be afraid for your health because of the obesity - and likely not know what to say/how to address it. 3. They will be supportive of your efforts if you choose to explain the process your choosing to go through to end this life-threatening obesity problem. - You're too cute to shoot! So don't beat up a perfectly nice lady k? ~Lara -212@goal

Lara, I'm too cute to shoot? OH! you just made my day!! Thanks for the advice!

Hi Bridget, I went to a family reunion this past July, and I was terrified of what everyone was going to think of my weight. I hadn't seen some of this people in over twenty years. My Mom has always been very negative about my weight, so I was also afraid she might try to make a big deal of it. It's not so much that I care about what they think about my weight, but I guess I was afraid of how much it might hurt if anyone actually said anything- as well as how I would handle it if I did get my feelings hurt. The last thing I wanted to do was cry and be vulnerable in front of people who were hurting or rejecting me. Nobody said anythingtoo terribly negative really, but I did have a few people say it would be so nice if I could get "that surgery" because "it's a shame for you to be so heavy when you have such a pretty face." I handled it ok though. Even with strangers, I worry about what they might think because their thinking could inpact their actions toward me. It's a shi**y thing to have to worry about, and I would love for it not to be an issue. Being obese in this society takes courage. It is not easy to face the fear of rejection, or even just the idea that someone might harbor some hidden negative feelings about you. I struggle with it every day. I have noticed that someone will be great with me on the phone before they have actually met me, but when they meet me and see how I look, suddenly that original friendliness disappears. It stinks , but it does happen.

shelly, thanks for answering my post. you really made some valid points. it IS a sh*&%ty thing how society is towards obesity. and you know what? I dont know if anyone could be as hard on us as we are on ourselves. even if i get to weigh 100 pounds...i WILL never forget where i came from. take care.

Hi Bridget, I was faced with the same situation on many occasions over the past 6 years and chose to make excuses to not see old friends and some family members. I would just stay locked up in my house and only had 5 people I would allow to come and see me. I would even have panic attacks if I had to leave my home because I was not only embarrased and ashamed of my appearance but did not want to deal with the stares and negetive comments from ignorant people. Well my Mom and Father died within this 6 year period and I had to go to the funerals. I made up in my mind that I was not going to worry about what anyone thought, said or how they looked at me and did what I had to do. Yes, some people did as I expected but they were out numbered by the people that showed me so much love and support. I don't have the panic attacks anymore but I still have to motivate myself sometimes when I have to face the public. The good thing about it now is that they are staring and making comments about my weight loss and wondering how I'm doing it. Georgeann

georgeann, thanks for answering my post. i can always count on you guys to lift me up when i'm too busy dragging myself down. my friend came and went and yes, i was bigger than her......and yes, i was wondering what she was thinking........but it was alright. take care

Hi Bridget, I totally understand what you are going through. My biggest fear is that my dad or another family member on that side will die, first of course because that would be terrible but second, because I haven't seen them for so long and I would be so humiliated to see them with what I weigh now. I don't even feel like I can go home for Christmas because I'm so embarassed by how I look, I don't understand how anyone can want to be seen with me. But I have to tell myself this is silly, like others have said, if someone likes you, they will continue to like you no matter what. Your friend will still be your friend no matter what. I try and think of it this way: I wouldn't care if my friend gained a bunch of weight, so why would they care if I had (aside from health concerns, etc.., but you know). I hope you are able to have a good visit with your friend!!