Insensitive? ...moi?!? Maybe!

Lei, I read your original post inquiring how we are moving today. I wasn't on the puter yesterday and then I come back this morning and see you apologizing for being cranky on the Virginia board. I had a heck of a time figuring out what you were apologizing for and now that I see this post I am still wondering... you don't owe anyone an apology, my friend! I started out with a BMI of 83 and now am a 72 so I am still WAAAAAY over the 50 mark. Was I offended by you asking about movement? Heck no! Do I have a hard time getting around, heck yes... I still weigh 433 pounds... of course it still hurts to move, but I do! However, the only time I have been offended about comments on movement were when I was in the hospital and the PT folks came in the day after surgery in mass to "get me out of bed". PUUUULEEEEEZE... read my chart beyond the number of pounds what I weigh... I walked into the hospital on my own volition.... how about assessing someone before you come in with four people the day after surgery and say that they are waiting for two more people to get there to help "get you out of bed". I had already been out of bed, without anyone's help and I didn't need their assumptions about me keeping me slowed down! This may not make sense to some but, for me, it is hurtful when people make assumptions about me based on the number of pounds that I weigh! This has happened many times over the years. For example, a diabetic educator that was useless that my endocrinologist required me to see (I told her when I walked in that she got one hour from me and she better tell me everything that she wanted me to hear in that hour because I wouldn't be paying a $45 co-pay more than once to hear things that I have been told before or that I can read thru my own research. Well, she thought that the most important thing to tell me is that I can buy men's shoes instead of wearing Birkenstocks because she knows that women my size can't wear women's shoes. I told her that I wear Birkenstocks because I like them and have for over twenty years and that I also had a closet full of other women's shoes that fit me just fine and that I didn't need to wear men's shoes. I know that she thought that she was being helpful but really... how about asking something like, do your feet swell and if so, do you have any trouble finding shoes that fit you well... I would have said no on both accounts and wouldn't have been offended that I was just outright told to buy men's shoes. I know that there are many times over the years that people have been totally shocked when they find out that I am not mentally retarded just because I am fat. I have had people talk slowly and in simple terms to me many times. Well, I have an IQ of 154, I am fat but my intelligence is quite in tact! Then there is the assumption that if you are fat you are lazy and don't work. I am a professional. I go to work everyday and have never had a day off in my life for anything related to my weight up until I took 4 days off for surgery... had surgery last Tuesday and was back in my office this Monday. Are there days when my joints hurt so bad that I want to cry, yes! Are there days that my back screams that it can't take any more? Oh yes! I could go on and on about times when people have assumed that I CAN'T do things based on my weight. These assumptions could be phrased in a way that politely inquires into my needs rather than making me start at the bottom of the hill with people and show them that I don't have all of the limitations that they assume. I want to clarify here... I am NOT being critical of people who may have the difficulties that folks always assume I have. We each have our own set of challenges and the ones that I face may be very different than the ones that others encounter. Can I go to Super Wal-Mart without an electric cart... yes, but only if it is a short trip. Can I fit in a restaurant booth? Not usually. Are my feet wide... yes but I can wear women's C or D width and don't see a need to wear men's shoes. Am I cognitively limited? Some days I can do some really dumb things but, no, I have all of my faculties! Are there days that I wish I didn't have to go to work, yep, I'm not a morning person! All of us here in the OH family have different stories. Where we are at and where we have to go is different than the person next to us. Most people have not forgotten where they came from and I can vouch for you in this area, Lei, when I joined you were the first person to really make me feel comfortable being real about my obesity issues (and, I have MANY). I have met you in person and you are very genuine in your love and care for people on this journey. Lei, just remember, the person who was offended was offended because it struck a chord with her. They may have not liked what they read but they did read it and I bet are still processing the information. It is hard to think at 500 pounds about exercising but I did it a couple of years ago and lost 106 pounds thru going to the Y for water aerobics and diet. That was the first time in my life that I lost more than ten pounds and it was due to the exercise (and as soon as I quit and just did the diet, I gained back 86 pounds. So, I KNOW the importance of weight loss... and at 500 pounds I was the wale at the pool in the suit with the skirt but I did it, and as soon as I am cleared to do it again at one month post-op, you better believe that my big butt will be back at the Y in that same suit with the same skirt because, the ONLY way we are going to be fully successful is to MOVE OUR BODIES!!!! WOW... that is the longest post I have EVER done!!!!! Patti (moving my tail back to bed for an hour before I start the day of running errands like a crazy woman!)

Wow, Fribby! You nailed it all down just right! Thank you, thank you. Lei, I've never met you and I just joined this board. My impression from reading your posts has been that you are an upbeat and positive person that's "been there, done that, and got the T-shirt that didn't fit at the time" but made a success of your WLS journey nonetheless. My hat's off to you, and I thank you for the encouragement that's laced all through your posts. I truly don't think I've read a negative post here. Maybe I overlooked them, but I don't think so. What I've found throughout the OH boards I read (MO Board, March, 2005 Board, this Board and sometimes the main Board) have been enough encouragement to me to keep coming back and back and back each day, and to even open MY mouth once in a while to respond to someone I feel a common bond with, or to agree with the essence of their post. I say chuck that email into the recycle bin and keep on keeping on, Lei. Blessings and best wishes (to everyone) Myra