OK - I am LAZY!!!!

My boyfriend accused me today of being lazy since my surgery, and I think he is right. I am still sleeping all the time. I have produced none of the energy I promised post-op. I have not even gone back to work yet. Now, all I do is grocery shopping, cooking for the family, dishes, light cleaning, bathing my son, and laundry. He was supposed to help with the laundry (we live in a 4th floor walk-up and can't have a washer/dryer in our unit, but there is a laundromat across the street) but since my surgery 5 weeks ago, he has done 2 loads (of his clothes) and generally we have 15 loads per week (which I always did Sun, Tues and Fri before). Sheets, blankets and towels are really starting to pile up. He does not want to help carry groceries, so I am left making several trips to the car (3 flights of stairs, plus half a block to the car). I find myself buying fewer groceries so I only have to make one trip, so the food supply is getting pretty sparse and the kids think we are running out. Now, I did all of this before, plus 2 jobs (72+ hours per week) and all the heavy cleaning (vacuuming, floor and window washing, bathroom cleaning, washing the dog, etc.). So, I understand he feels put upon, like I am just sitting around all day doing nothing, but I truly feel like I am not myself again. He works full time, 3rd shift, but spends the rest of the day in bed, either sleeping or watching TV. It is not like I do not want to do more, because I hate asking for help. I really feel like I can't. For anyone who is post-op, when did you feel like yourself again? I want to have my normal, busy life again, but I am so lazy, stressed and tired. I am not a complainer, and took less than a week off for both of my c-sections, and have been at my full-tim job 4 years and never called in sick, so I am generally not lazy. I just hope I did not wait to long to get back into my full routine. Thanks! Carrie

There is a lazy person in your household and it is not you. Your boyfriend has a lot of nerve. Loris

Hi Carrie You are doing a lot. I went back to work after 4 weeks, and didn't actually work 40 hours until 2 weeks after that. And, that's with a sedentary job. Just remember, you just had major surgery! Sharyn -52

The special word is "BOYFRIEND"... Apparently he doesn't know what it takes out of a body for something like this. So honey talking to someone like me thats been married 27 years , if he ain't in it for the LONG HAUL.... and help you so you don't hurt yourself till you get back feeling yourself then.................CYA margaret

Coming out of mode on this one...... Hummmmmm......Who's the lazy one? Ummm....errrrr....HIM. The fact that he can't help you bring in the groceries....LAZY The Fact that he only washed his clothes....Because he had no clean drawers.......LAZY My boyfriend is the same way....acting like a BOY and I tell him always that his son is a better man than he is. I am pre-op, but what he tells me is, it's good for you to walk, it will help you lose weight. So what I do is leave the groceries in the trunk. I don't have steps to climb, but he has 3 pieces of cars in the driveway, that he is fixing and I have to park on the street and that back and forth walking kills my back. Hey, I am still 337lbs. I bring in only the Ice Cream, frozen and refrigerator foods into the house. And then he swears and says that I only buy foods that I am going to eat....Ice Cream.... I tell him that the rest of the groceries are in the trunk. So he goes to the trunk and I am thinking he is bringing everything in.... he gets himself something to eat from the bags and leaves the rest in the trunk. I got smart. I would go grocery shopping and leave all the other things in the trunk, and when I see him looking for his shoes, I leave with the car and take it to get a tire rotated or oil change and call my friend to come get me. He goes to the car and it's not there. It sparked an argument, but now he meets me at the end of the driveway, and helps carry in the bags as well as my son. I am partly lucky to have a laundry room in the basement, but I still have to lug clothes down 2 flights of stairs. So my children bring their own clothes down and I bring mine. If he does not get up and bring his down, they don't get washed. He has come down a couple of times, and I have already washed most of the clothes. So those colors in his loads do not get washed until the next time. So now, when he sees the kids getting laundry together, his are in the basement first. Hence, leave his clothes at home when you go to the laundry. He will bring them or it will be less for you to carry across the street. It may spark an argument, but then he will start to help and then if he feels where you are coming from he will help out more. Not telling you how to run your household, but it worked for me and it may or may not work for you. You are not lazy, you are just taking it easy because you did just had MAJOR surgery and you are taking care of yourself. Do me a favor, Do just that, Take care of yourself and your energy level will come like you anticipated..... Take care.....Fullfigured Gal31

oh carrie. you're not lazy. you just had major surgery and you're trying to recuperate. reading through your post made me really, really angry. i'm actually glad he's your boyfriend - makes it easier to either kick his a$$ out or inspire him to change. there's tons of stuff i could tell you about the EXTRA CHILD you're living with, but i have a sneaking hunch you already have heard most of it and know the rest. so i'll just speak to your original question. it's not at all unusual for it to take a month or more to get back to feeling normal. you do what you can and leave the rest. you may be in need of some b12, iron, etc... if you're honestly getting your rest, your fluids, and your protein and still feel way, way too tired, check with your doc. and lastly, supermom died in the late 90s. she just up and decided that doing it all just wasn't doing it for her anymore. justifiably so. please, please, please take care of yourself, your kids, and your house - in that order. your man(?) can take care of himself. good luck, carrie. i hope you realize what a wonderful person you are and realize, too, that you don't have to do everything for everyone in order to deserve love. take care. hugs, hugs, hugs and more hugs dorthe

Oh Dorthe, I like your style, girl!!! Carrie, Ditto to every, every, everything Dorthe just said. Time for that grown up CHILD to really learn to be a grown up, and stop being so selfish. Take care of you ... this is a major time in your life. Hugs from here too, Myra

YOU are NOT the lazy one!!! HE IS!!! Let me at him! Shame on him for not helping more on a regular basis, let alone while you're recovering from MAJOR surgery!! Grrrrrrrr! You hang in there sweetie! Huggs, Ruth

Carrie, GIRL!! you better not think youre the lazy one!! Dont get me started on the "society- expects- too- much- out -of -women- in -this -day -and age" rant.........i dont think there are enough hours in the day. I only have 2 suggestions and they are given IMHO.......1)be good to yourself.........2)and i am offering a new service to come and sit on people who are giving you a hard time. my schedule is getting pretty booked up.but I CAN fit you in on september 32.lol Take care of YOU, carrie..........be good to yourself! willby

Ok guys, I've been reading these posts on this board and I love all the support you guys give. I don't usually respond, but something about this post caught my attention. I have to say Carrie, YOU are not lazy. I am lazy! LOL. I took the day off work after I just had a four day weekend--just because I wanted to stay home and play with the dog! haha.. YOU have just had major surgery and you should be worrying about yourself. I know all the other ppl said the same thing we are all thinking --your boyfriend is the one who is lazy in your household. I know that it's very hard to kick 'em to the street--especially if you have kids together... but, giving him some much needed, much deserved education about being a responsible, loving, caring partner/adult will serve you well. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years now and I had to teach him a lot. If he isn't willing to learn and to be there for you, as a loving, caring, PARTNER then truly you would be better off without him and with someone who cares about you as a person, and not just as a maid. You are a precious human being, and no one deserves to be treated like that. I wish you the best! (and if he keeps it up, maybe we can all just come visit for a nice long, restful sit--on his behind! hahaha) ~LeAnn