Normal??

I feel absolutly crazy right now and figured it was time to post my thoughts and get some honest feedback. Ok when I was 16 my mother passed away from cancer. This split me and my 4 younger brothers and sisters apart, but within the "family" All of this has been very hard on me throughout my life especially when I have hit milestones that every woman wants her mother to be there for such as graduation, birth of my boys, marriage, WLS and the bad times as well just to have someone to talk to. So I guess my problem right now is is that I've had 3 csections and was never put under for these births. I've spoken to my surgeon in great length about being put under and he was very reassuring and comforting, so everything was fine till the last couple of weeks. Now I am obsessed with death due to going under anesthesia. My boys are 11,6,and 2 I do NOT want to leave my boys without me. My family and I, due to the split aren't in touch with each other anymore and that is very hard. I do not want my boys to go through life without me there. I do however realize that if I don't have surgery I won't be here for them as I want to be. I just can't imagine being without them ever they are my life. Everytime I think about this it breaks my heart and brings me to tears. I just want to be here for them and through all of the milestones in their lives. I am on an antidepressant, but I see my PCP on Thursday and I want to ask for something to help calm me and keep me relaxed. Don't get me wrong I know I am going through with this surgery and that for my health and for my boys to continue to have a mom, one that can be in their lives, not sitting on the side lines. I just need help and prayers to stop obsessing over this. I'm not worried at all about the surgery or about possible post op complications, although I am realistic about these possibilities. I'm just tore up about going under anesthesia and not coming out of it. Just wondering I guess if anyone else has ever felt this way or am I totally crazy here. Well thanks for letting me post this mess and for all of your prayers and support. I really need your prayers. Thank you and take care. Anita

Hi Anita, I understand your fear. I too was worried about how I would fare with the anesthesia. I have sleep apnea. Years ago, I had a same day procedure that was done under general anesthesia. When I woke up, it took me hours to get my head right. I was the last patient to leave that day, and I left after hours. I had an extremely high BMI at surgery (72). My surgeon prepared me for the worst (I could wake up in the ICU, surgery might have to be done open, etc). I talked with the anesthesiologist before surgery to discuss my history and my sleep apnea. I woke up 2 hours later in regular recovery, to my relief, no worse for wear than any other healthy adult having surgery. What I didn't think to take into consideration is that the anesthesiologist was very experienced with bariatric patients. Of course he had many, many instances of administering anesthesia to many obese patients. I suspect that your anesthesiologist will have lots of experience with bariatric patients too. You have a good idea about seeing your PCP to have him prescribe something for you to help keep you calm, lest your worries take over. (Btw, I was back to work full-time in 6 days, and haven't looked back since). Good luck! Mercy lap band 428/408/321/180

Anita, Your fear of being put under is very common.. That was my only real fear about this surgery.. I have a horrible past with anesthesia.. I went in for oral surgery a couple years ago, suppose to be a day surgery, general anesthesia, no big deal... Yeah right.. I woke up the next day in the hospital.. I dont handle anesthesia well at all.. I went into my surgery terrified of the "what ifs", I had a full blown panic attack in the pre-op room.. I was lucky enough to have a wonder doctor who got me calm and assured me that everyone knew what they were doing.. They gave me a lovely shot to calm me down and off I went.. I woke up a couple hours later without a single problem.. Make sure to discuss this fear with your doctor and his staff.. Then the day of your surgery when you get to the pre-op area, tell the RNs there your fear and ask that whoever will be putting you under come and talk with you about it... Just make sure that you talk with people about this fear, they may have a way to set your mind at ease.... For me personally, once I met the man and explained my fears to him, he was able to set me fears aside.. (the shot he gave me helped alot) We have all been there.. we know how scary it can be.. But if you trust your doctor then you know he wouldnt work with people who were able to do the job!! Take care and good luck! Amber

Anita, Sounds like you are very normal. We are all human. We all have our moments of doubts. This is major surgery but remember you can do this. This procedure (wls) isn't the "stomach stapling" from years ago. The doctors and anestheologists are very skilled and they know what they are doing. I know people say that weight loss surgery isn't for everybody. I agree with that. I do believe that you don't have to do this for yourself..sometimes you have to do it for your family first. It's all about quality of life after all. I grew-up with a mom who was very heavy. I was jealous of other little girls who had a mom who was skinny or who was cool enough to wear blue jeans. I wanted a mom I could go shopping at the mall with. I used to look at my mom (I'm crying as I say this) and I would see her weigh and her dry hands and arms and think...How did she let herself get that way??? Two years ago I went through some old pictures and looked closely at pics of my mom..and do you know what?? She was BEAUTIFUL...she was also so much smaller than I am now!! That is the shocker of all. Why didn't I see this before? Now, this is all on me. I have tried diets....I have failed. I just get soooooo hungry. The feeling of fullness is what I long for. But more than that...I want to be the mom that I wished I had. Don't get me wrong, my mother is still with us,I love her and she drives me crazy sometimes. This is a very emotional time for you. Try to think of you're wls experience as just going to sleep and waking up in a world where your life has shifted 360 degrees. I, myself am pre-op but I appreciate what you are going through. Please know that you can vent here anytime or if you want you can e-mail me or one of the other more experienced over 50 BMI er's. I just know this...I've never met anyone who wished they hadn't had the surgery. There are too many success stories on this board to ignore. Take Care Anita Virginia

prayers and empathy are coming your way, anita. give it to God - that's what gave me the peace i needed. hugs dorthe

anita, Guess what? you have found a family of hundreds of thousands of brothers and sisters on this site. I am pre-op and go from feelings of anxiety and panic(I dont want to die) to feelings of hope and joy because there is a way out of this SMO body. Your main worry is the anesthesia........mine is blood clots.......someone elses might be heart attack. From reading the message boards on here month after month, it seems like everyone has something they are terrified of.But even if the worst case scenario happened to someone.they all seem to say the same thing. "I would do it again tomorrow if i had to" That has to count for something, dont you think? Take care, anita. willby PS: i'm sorry you had to lose your mom when you were so young.That must have been so hard.

Sounds normal to me Anita! I was terrified. After all my testing and approvals, I had to wait over a month for my surgery date. I was terrified. And yep, all about the anesthesia. I had never had any kind of surgery before and I was very anxious. I don't do well with hospitals in general due to my mother being in and out of them for most of my life. I've seen what seemed like every complication happen to her after countless surgeries. When I voiced my concerns to the anesthesiologist, he listened, but didn't think I should be so worked up over it. That helped and also having my sister by my side all day, except for the time in actual surgery (I didn't want to make her any more nervous than she was). BTW my BMI was 82 Good luck! Steff

Steff, This might be alittle off the subject. I am kinda new to this e-mail/internet thing so I thought I'd ask ya this one?? What does BTW mean? I've seen it on many posts..I guess I'm allittle sloooooooow! Virginia

sorry Virginia, I have lazy fingers. BTW= by the way Steff

Anita, I don't know if this helps any but since you are posting on this 50+ BMI board from what I am told your life expectancy is not great if you keep the weight. The odds of surviving the next 5 years are much greater with the surgery than without. Put your trust in the Lord and have faith. I remember throwing up a little prayer just as they were putting me under and then waking up feeling pretty good. It is a blessing. Don't let these fears slow you down. Give your kids a Mom who can do things with them for a long time to come.