Personal Space

As our SMO Sister Virginia stated in another post earlier today... "Let's let everyone "in" on our belly-patting doctor thing. We aren't talking about doctors that touch our bellys during an examination........ No-no-no, doctors and complete strangers who tend to pat out bellys because....because.....because IT'S THERE! I guess! They seem to think that we are all replicas of the Pillsbury doughboy and/or doughgirl (let's be politically correct here!) " I view this belly-patting thing as an invasion of my 'personal space'. I see it the same way as anyone patting or rubbing a pregnant woman's belly. I know that there are many who do, but I personally feel that it is an invasion of someones personal space to do so, especially if it is someone you don't know. Here's my take on it. I have had two different doctors pat my belly during conversations. I was totally clothed, it was not done or meant in any kind of a sexual manner, and NO I am not pregnant. To me it just felt like an invasion of my personal space. Think of the scene from the movie Dirty Dancing when Patrick Swayze is defining his dance space and her dance space, and their staying OUT of each other space. Doctor #1 - my pcp... a routine office visit, during which we had been talking about my WLS. He then proceeds to feel my entire abdomen area... nooks, crannies, bulges, folds... you name it. (Hmmmm, I wonder if he gets frequent flyer miles for that?! ) I felt uncomfortable during his 'examination' to the point that I said, "please don't tell me you can actually feel anything!?" I'm SMO, not stupid! Anyway, he admitted that I was correct, that he couldn't feel anything. He stated that he just wanted to see if I had any soreness, pain, or sensitivity any where, AND that he was sure that I would "sqawk" if I did. Sqawk!?!? (Note to Willby - we need a "sqawk" emoticon ). He made a few notes in my file, turned back around, and then he pats me on my belly and says, "You know you're going to need plastic surgery for this." Gee doc, ya think?!?! Doctor #2 - cardiologist.... I was in the office for my follow up after I had my heart cath. I made mention of my hand bothering me since the procedure (a whole other story), and showed him my arm and the bruising I have. He pats me on my belly and said, "they usually go through the groin." Well I don't know what he was taught in medical school, but I'm pretty sure my groin area is a lil bit lower. My point is... why do they (doctors) feel they can pat our bellies/tummies?! It's not their belly/tummy! Am I wrong, or does anyone else feel that this is an invasion of your 'personal space'? Please, discuss amongst yourselves and let me know your thoughts. If I am wrong I will and go back under here again. Huggs, Ruth

Hey Ruth, ((((((((((((((((BIG HUG)))))))))))))))))) I just posted about how lonely it was on here today and when i looked again your post was there!!!!!! I dont know about you.but if a doctor tried to pat my stomach, he would definitley lose a few fingers. I had one traumatic experience happen to me (well, one that sticks out in my mind). I was at a new gynecologist and was complaining about left-side ovarian pain. I was in those "wonderful" paper gowns they give you. She told me to stand up and lift up the gown. Then she said to me(ARE YOU READY FOR THIS ONE?) "Lift up your stomach" I wasnt sure i had heard her right and so she repeated it. Then she proceeds to tell me that my large belly was the reason for my ovarian pain. WHAT????????????? I will never ever ever ever (did i mention ever?) forget that as long as I live Oh well, such is life. Take care! willby

Yikes. I have a few comments here. I demand good medical care. If they need to look under my folds or belly apron, fine. I will help them just tell me what you are going to do first and why. I am the one who suggested to my gyn that I lift up my apron for a better feel for my pap smear. Before and after surgery, I know it helps him to feel for what he is looking for, uterus, ovaries. Don't be afraid to remind a doc you have different physical attributes. Work with it and educate them too. Blessings all! Tina -208

I don't recall having my belly patted, however when I went to have my heart cathe done,my nurse, who was very nice, was havig a bit of probem with the Foley.She stepped out and ask the aid for some help.She must have been having a bad day.When she ,finally, made it in to assist the nurse, she stood by my head, grabbed my aprom and jerked it up to my chin.I do have an apron, but not quite that large. That was the most painful thing about the cathe. Not the foley, the way the aid abused my apron. And sice we are all in the same boat here I can tell you that the nurse very gently taped my apron over to my right side, so it wouldn't be in the way for the heart cathe. They went in through my left groin. Never told a soul that befor, not even DH. Carol aka Moose

Hi Willby! I think we all have enough paper gown horror stories to fill a second book! I had a similiar thing at a gyn office. I had been having some issues and the dr. wanted an ultrasound. He told me before hand that I would have to have an internal ultrasound (because I am so skinny ya know ) and to make sure I emptied my bladder before the ultrasound. When I arrived the next day, my first shock was the ultrasound tech was a male!! Wasn't expecting that. He didn't know I was to have an internal and kept making me wait so I would have a full bladder. I started to get upset at him ...read the flipping file buddy!!! He decided he wanted to try an external ultrasound first anyway. I was so upset at that point they brought in one of the office girls so there was a 'third party' in the room. Great... more humiliation. Well, he made the same dreaded statement to me, "lift up your stomach." OMG, if I could have melted into the woodwork I would have!!! When the smarty pants tech realizes (duh) he has to do it internally, more embarrassment ensued and I am sure you don't need me to describe that. When it was done, I just pulled my clothes on and got out of there as fast as I could. Cried all the way home and never wanted a shower so bad in my life!! I'll never forget it. Huggs, Ruth

Ruth Your post reminded me of yet ANOTHER horror/comical story about a gyn doc. My husband was in the army so you never knew what doctor you were going to get for your exam. I was lying on the table in the "position" and this doc was sitting in the netherlands of my body he attempted to use the regular speculum and couldnt. So he proceeds to YELL DOWN THE HALLWAY to the assistant "WE NEED THE EXTRA LARGE SPECULUM IN HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She took her good old time getting back and that doctor stayed sitting you know where and not saying anything for about 3-5 minutes. I was mortified. I was young then too........if that happened now............KAPOW!!!! right in the kisser!! (((((HUGS FOR RUTH))))))))) willby

Personally I think I would freak out and probably need to be restrained if my doc rubbed my belly like it was a lucky charm.. My doc has been extremely sensitive to me and my needs as a "large" woman. He handles me with kid gloves, but then Ive freaked out and had a panic attack in his office when he upset me once.. So thankfully Ive never had to experience what some of you have.. That was until my WLS.. My surgeon (who I do adore) rubbed my belly for about 3 minutes while talking with me about medical conditions during my pre-op visit.. He rubbed my belly like most people would rub someones back to console them.. It was very uncomfortable for me, but I quickly decided not to let it get to me... After all, this man was going to know me very well by the time surgery was over... I do feel for any and all of you who have had those experiences.. So sorry to hear you had to go through such heart breaking things... Amber

I have a similar problem, but it deals with my breasts more than my belly. I do have a bit of an apron, it hangs a couple of inches but most of my torso fat went into my breasts. Now, you'd that that because they're breasts, no one would just reach out and touch them. But noooooooo, you see, these are freakishly large breasts and people think they have the right to ogle and touch anything abnormal. When I'm at the doctors office, those damn paper gowns cover my belly but never my breasts. When I was pregnant I had to have a breast exam. My male gyno asked me to open my gown and when he saw my breasts he say "Wow, those are impressive. I mean, a C is nice but anything over that is just icing!" Whoa! what? Okay. So he's picking up one at a time and kind of petting it like he's polishing a bowling ball. I know he was feeling for lumps because he did find one, but he was obviously enjoying himself. BTW, I was 18. I just sat there. I get the "life your breasts" thing all the time. I had a stress test done and that was a joke. They have to use sonography to see your heart. It never occurred to them that they'd not be able to see through all of that breast tissue. So loads of humiliation for nothing. I can't wait to lose this weight and have these puppies trimmed down to size.

OMG! That is truly awful! What gives them the right!?!? Just because they are 'doctors'?!?!? I was told I had the false positive result on my stress test because of "excess breast tissue." egads! Huggs, Ruth

hi ruth: that's truly awful. i don't think i've every had anyone rub my tummy - if i did, i'm blocking it out - cause i would hate it. however, since we're sharing, i had a terrible time at my all time high weight. i had to get an mri. now, i've had many an mri done and i knew i needed an open sided one because of my size. but they scheduled me for and decided to try a standard mri. all i can say is HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO GET TOOTHPASTE BACK INTO THE TUBE??? i was poked, pushed, prodded, inched in, inched out, inched in... and by the time i finally was in far enough, my back gave up on me and i could no longer lay there. they had to physically help me sit back up it hurt so badly. most of the time i try to not dwell on all those nasty things, i just assume it has to be that way because of my size. but reading through some of these posts makes me think maybe it doesn't have to be that way. is that the beginning of knowledge? thanks for letting me vent. and thanks for opening up the topic for conversation. hugs to all dorthe