Heart to Heart

Hi everyone. I'm Danielle At the time of surgery I had a BMI of 60.4 and now I have a BMI of 54.7. I've been reading the board a lot.. lurking as some might say I typically post to the main messageboard, but reading the posts here has totally made me feel so good. Sometimes you can feel so alone when you are as heavy as we are. I know I'm not the heaviest here, but I know what you all are talking about. I have NEVER not been Obese. The lowest I was able to get was at the high Severely Obese range at a 39.9 and that was when I was 22. I was diagnosed as "obese" when I was in the 3rd grade and I have no idea about before that as I don't remember caring about my weight till then. I just wanted to post this and a list of things that I've been ashamed of, been unable to do, known that "normal sized" people don't have to do these etc. I take twice as long in the shower because I have SO much area to cover and so many um.. folds (?) to clean out. Shaving my legs is a major event, not a 5 minute quickie. Not being able to shop in a store. Only catalog shopping as they're the only clothes that will fit me. Not fitting... anywhere. No booths, No airplane, No lawn chairs, No benches (for fear of breaking them) Sometimes not even Doctor's Office chairs. Scared of getting in an elevator with anyone else.. even though I know the limit isn't breached it still scares me. Seatbelts don't fit well if at all. Getting in and out of the car is an accomplishment. Sitting in the background watching the world AND your life pass you by. Looking for support and getting ridicule. The looks, the snickers, the glares, the comments, then there are the people that ignore you completely, the ones that stare at you like they've never seen anything like you before or the ones who look at you with disgust. Rashes. Sour smelling. Having your doctor lift your apron too hard and causing a tear. (boy that hurts) Pain.. just walking causes pain. Standing still causes pain.. People just don't understand that. Ok.. I think I'm done. Well not done, just ready to stop I think now that I'm finally able to lose some weight (thank goodness for this surgery) that I'm starting to become less tolerant. I'm only a month out and already I'm starting talk back to those who make nasty comments or say something to people who stare or glare. I've just had enough and what do they know anyway???? They've never had to deal with this kind of thing! Anyway.. I just thought I'd say hi and then do a little rant and then say how wonderful it is that this board is here and how much reading all of your posts has meant to me. So, Thank you all. ((hug)) Danielle 374/339/??

wtg danielle. i'm glad you came out of lurker status and shared that with us. there's not a single thing on that list that i can't relate to and i would be willing to bet there are alot more people out there that will read it and empathize. this board is such a wonderful place to come to for information, suggestions, venting, understanding, laughter... i only recently started coming to it, too. i had been on my state board - which is also great to go to but... sometimes i just need to hear from and speak with my smo friends. thanks for sharing, danielle. i hope you keep coming back and that i 'talk' to you soon. dorthe

Hi Dorthe, thanks for your post! Yes... this does seem like a great board. I posted when they first set it up and then after a few days went in for surgery and just haven't come back.. I'm glad i did. Even though I'd found this site years ago and I KNOW there are so many out there like me it just really hit home while reading some of these posts. ((hugs)) and thanks! Danielle

I can relate to all of those things too. I can remember once when I was walking out of a restaurant behind a "normal sized" woman and a man. Neither of us had come together. He held the door for her and then dropped it on me. I was mad and humiliated. I hate the collective mentality that somehow we're not as good as everyone else and that we don't have feelings. I think, however, the thing that gets to me the most is the adults that have absolutely no problem saying things like, "Would you look at that woman," or moo at me, when my children are present and can hear it. They don't deserve the shame that goes along with those statements, they can't control what I look like. My older son get's very angry and will start off after the person if what they say is mean enough. For most of them, a 6 foot 200 lb football player intending on opening up a can of whoop*** on them is enough to make them stop. Of course, I don't encourage that and will stop him, but it's nice that he has my back. I guess my point is, the collective mentality is apparently extended to my family by default. Like my children also don't have any feelings. I wish that as a culture we would somehow get some sensitivity. No one should have to suffer ridicule to the point that they avoid life, for any reason. ~Ellen

Hi ellen, the story you told about the door being let go right in your face... that happens to me all the time. And when someone actually does hold the door open for me i'm in total shock and i'm sure the look i give them makes them wonder. ((hugs)) to you

Hi Danielle, Welcome! You've come to the right place to feel better about things, that's for sure! There's not much I can say (add) about what you've written, except "well-done" and "been there, felt all that". I'm so glad you're here. (((((hugs))))) Myra

Nice to see you Myra.

You know Danielle, Life is so short to worry about IGNORANT people, but have also cryed to myself when noone was around also of things people say or do. My grown children always wonder why I dont go out and do much with them anymore. Besides the weight, shortness of breath from toting all the weight, knees, legs,feet, and back killing ya.. I see things that they dont see. Like the people in JCP wispering to themselves about you as you walk by and (dont seem to care that you see them because doing it while looking right at ya).Or be getting out just to feel a little better and go to maybe target or walmart and teenagers laughing OUT LOUD and punching there friends so they can get in on the FAT WOMAN joke. I dont care how FAT your skin is, YES that effects your mental being in every way. So I sit home getting bigger and bigger and watch life pass me by on tv, computer, and as I sit on my porch (when not to hot) with people going by.. violin playing over now lol. Just understand ALL the things you said are on my list also.. I have seen people say they arent staying on this message board when they get under 50 BMI's but let me tell ya. Those 50 BMI"s people are the best!! And will be there for ANYTHING you are going thru,not just the surgery. ok thru now lol .....HUGS Margaret

Hi Margaret... yes! life is too short to worry about a lot of these things.. but I didn't even realize that until not too long ago. You just live in your own little place .. ya know?? Until you WAKE UP. And I am SOOO glad that I did. ((hug))

Hi Danielle, Welcome to both this site and to the losing side of your life. Everyone here is so right on. We all have been through every one of the things on your list. People are so shallow. I too, was on the main board, and cant relate to those poor people who started at the huge wieght of 250 and lost 120lbs and cant seem to get those LAST 10LBS OFF I just pee and lose that! Anyway, sorry also for ranting but thats what were are here for, to listen to each other. This is OUR home, so pull up a chair and be comfortable. Hugs, Sue