NSV (in spite of laughing children!)

I just got back from watching my almost 4 year old nephew at his first soccer practice! That was cute enough, but a month or 2 ago going wouldn't even have been an option. I was so cut off from everything, wondering how far I would have to walk, would people see me, etc. I walked from the parking lot, across the field, carrying my chair! This is so huge! It's such a great feeling!! I am still over 450 lbs (I think) but can get around so much better now. Now for the laughing children. As soon as I sat down on the sidelines, 2 little girls (around the same age as my nephew) kept looking over at me and laughing. I tried to ignore it, but they moved closer and closer till they were only a couple of feet away, still laughing and saying she's so fat! It has been so long since I've heard that. I was stunned into silence. What get's me was, one of the girls mother's was right there. HELLO! What are you teaching your kids???! I just thought it was so rude! These girls were close enough to jump on my lap! (if I had one that is) Ok enough of the ranting! I still SO enjoyed my time out! And did I mention I even wore shorts???? Who the h*ll am I???? LOL Steff

Stephanie, Good for you!!!!! That is wonderful! I know exactly what you mean about wondering how far you would have to walk and who will be there, etc. It must be sooo freeing! You are on your way girl! I am so sorry for the ignorance of those little girls. That is just a really sad situation that their mothers hadn't trained them up any better than that and that the mothers were just as bad themselves to have allowed it. Try to let it roll off you so nothing will discourage you, cause you're doing sooooooo great girl!!!!!

Hey Steff: WTG on the walking! Isn't is wonderful? And that you got out there and were seen, good for you. About the little brats, um, girls, I do blame and hold the parent responsible. I guess, if it had been me, I would have laughed and said that "they don't get out much huh, never seen a lady of size before? Poor girls. You may be like this one day too, ya know?" And I would hope the mom heard it. mean ol Tina -208 just sick of being treated like a non person

Sorry you went through that Steff, Ignorant people come in all sizes huh? I amagine your nephew will just always be so happy you were at him game. Instead of lil crumb catchers being so rude, there mom shoud be the one having to apologize for there behavior and MAKE them do it also to you. I have a 4 yr old grandson that on rare occasion has said things without thinking but you can bet he was SCOLDED for it.I would have taken him to the bathroom and at least preached his funeral (ga slang sorry lol) hugs margaret

Stephanie try to stay positive and concentrate on how wonderful if felt to walk and to enjoy the game!! That in itself is a GREAT accomplishment. I live next door to (2) little girls whose mother was at her biggest at 117 lbs and she was PREGNANT! She has NO clue what it feels like to be me or to carry around this fat shell BUT she has taught her daughters everyone has feelings and she disciplines them if they stray. Case in point...yesterday one of them (she's 3) said something about my "big butt" and my neighbor pulled out the chili powder and said apologize NOW! I am so proud to have such a wonderful friend. As for the rest of society who thinks that we have so much cushion we won't feel thier painful blows....well they can kiss my rather large, rather round BEHIND!!!:-I)

Hi Steff, Your story you shared really hit home. Lately I have started to feel very uncomfortable in my own skin. you know the feeling...you just don't want to go anywhere because you don't want people looking at you. I just don't want to leave the house out of fear of being judged. Anyways, this morning (Sunday) I put a dress on because we were going to church. I wore a long solid blue dress. I like the long effect so I don't have to wear dress shoes or nylons. I looked like a Huge blueberry--you know from that Willy Wonka movie. I thought my make-up looked pretty good..I mean good for what I had to work with right?LOL. Anyway, I talked myself into slapping a smile on my face...and have the attitude that this body is only"temporary" The surgery was coming soon etc. I sat in church with my husband and 15 year old son and things were going along pretty good. In the row in front of us was a family with several young kids. The parents were wrestling with getting them to settle-down. I enjoyed watching them...thinking about when my kids were younger...then out of the blue, the liitle boy (around 5 yrs old) said to me,"Hey, are you gonna have a baby?" His mom quickly grabbed him sat him down and began whispering into his ear, explaining to him how it wasn't nice to say things like that etc. After church, the mom, who herself was heavy, apologized to me about what her son said. I told her not to worry about it--and kids will be kids etc. There went my self-esteem out the window..AGAIN!!! I held it in..but it just reafirmed what I had been feeling about myself all along! That I am being judged by others for my appearance. Speaking of appearance..I'm gonna work on putting my picture up on this web-site. I know that you guys will never judge me for how I look or how much I weigh..I know that because I don't judge any of you. I think you guys are great and I am looking forward to being on the losing side with each of you. Thanks for listening to me on my"blue" day. Can I come under the chair and hide? I'm feeling a little out of it ladies...if you know what I mean..Aunt Flo is coming for a visit. It has been 4 months.. so I guess she is making up for lost time..if you know what I mean...how embarrassing! Bye for now..Virginia

Hey Virginia, You put a big smile on you face and dont worry about those kids or their parents. Aunt Flo will come and go, but you soon will be the one everyone is looking at with amazement in their eyes and their mouths wide open cause they cant believe how great you look. Trust me, it makes you think of all the bad times, and it really feels good. I still feel fat, I know I am still fat (according to standards), but it is a good fat feeling compared to the old one. I cant wait to see how beautiful you are when you get your pic up. You are sure beautiful on the inside. Hugs, Sue

Hi Sue, Thank you for the special message. I really needed that. In that particular situation, I think the mother did the right thing. She called me later and told me that she told him to look at her tummy and that it was big too..did mommy have a baby in her tummy? NO, the little boy just reacted with curiousity......it just happened at the wrong time for me. Sometimes I just want to run and hide!! Have you ever looked in your closet and just can NOT find anything there that will make you look or feel..better??I mean I HATE my clothes, I am so sick of them..I'll tell you what...I've got one BIG BLUE dress that I would like to burn! How about you?? Anyways, thanks again...now you made me cry again..... group hug everybody!Virginia

Hi Virginia! I have a whole closet full of clothes I would like to burn! Huggs, Ruth

(((((((((Virginia)))))))) I know that feeling of being uncomfortable in my own skin all too well. I am sure many of us do. Now listen missy, you get that purty lil 'ol pixture up right now.... or I will come to AZ and pull you out from under there take it myself and post it too! Well, once I am at a size where I feel comfortable traveling again, I may come to AZ anyway...... so there! P.S. You have mail! Huggs, Ruth