Questions fill my head with the passing of Angel Angie, Need Advise!

I have researched and talked to several people about WLS since 1999 and about a month ago, I mailed in a check for hundreds of dollars to start my testing for WLS. I am aware of the risks of this surgery and like most of you, I agree that the quality of life has to outweigh the risks. But in the last week or so, I have been questioning myself... going back and forth... to determine if I can take the chance of leaving my family. I know that with my weight on a steady rise and my health growing worse by the minute, I could easily die and leave them without having the surgery. With this said, I do try to stay positive and focused. I try to leave this in the hands of God and not to keep torturing myself with these thoughts. I have to say though, reading about the passing of Angel Angie has really brought more questions to mind. What if I do die? Should I write letters to those that I love just in case I never see them again? Should I go into this surgery with the thought that I will NOT make it through, telling those that I love how much I love them? Should I be making funeral arrangements and letting my family know of my final wishes? Should I tell my family that this is what to expect? How do I prepare myself and my family for what might happen? I need your advise! What did those of you do, that have already had the surgery? Those that have not, what do you plan to do? Please Help! Ps... I am sorry if I offend or upset anyone with these questions. My prayers are with the family of Angel Angie and all of those who have lost a loved one in this tragic way.

Sipele, I'm still pre-op. But I'm single after 49 years. I only have one grand father that has been my mentor and means alot to me. There are two brothers & a sister. And they all have families but I only hear from them when I contact them first. So I can only give you my thoughts without my pwn caring family and close friend - a wife. What if I do die? Were all going to die someday. You never know when. The last traffic accident they said I should've been dead. But here I am. We never know. Should I write letters to those that I love just in case I never see them again? If this will make you feel better then do it. I intend to but short notes. I'm not getting deeply into them I'll just get deeper depressed. Should I go into this surgery with the thought that I will NOT make it through, telling those that I love how much I love them? NO be positive you and I will make it through to a better & fuller life. When I saw all of my relatives and close friends I've told them of the surgery and what could happen both good & the bad. Ending with that "I loved them". I'll tell my brothers, siter & my grandfather again the week of the surgery but they know it alrady. Should I be making funeral arrangements and letting my family know of my final wishes? Make your last will & testament plus those other items like the living will & power of attorney. You should have these anyway. Put your wishes for arrangement in with them too. If married discuss this with your mate too. These two question as I see it are the same. Should I tell my family that this is what to expect? How do I prepare myself and my family for what might happen? Take them to a seminar on your type of surgery. Some surgeon have a video you might borrow to watch with them then there are web sites too. Unless you feel comfortable talking to them without breaking down. I'm looking forward to the operation and hope that I can have a video of it such I asked for when they took out my enlarged tonsils last year and my colonoscopy. But they were available either. Just my luck I was hoping to have films of myself like others have of their kids & family. LOL. Best to you, Keep positive or you'll be a basket case, Mike

Hi Sipele With a 10 year old son, I had the same questions. You have to keep in mind what your quality of life is now. You also have to keep in mind what will happen to you if you don't have the surgery. Third, think of the things you would like to do with your loved ones and can't. Lastly, keep in mind that complications actually happen a small percentage of the time and deaths generally happen when people don't follow doctors orders. But, I did tell my mom that I wanted her and my son to move to Houston to be with my sister. so, think positively. Think about the life you'll be getting back. And remember, nothing is promised and this has to be your choice. I had never had sugery before, but I would do it 100 more times if I had too. 10 weeks, and I feel better than I have in 10 years! Sharyn -57

I am still pre-op too. No offense taken here. I think this is something we all think about or go through at some point on our WLS journey. I am single, but my parents are in their 80's and still care for my mentally handicapped brother. Yes, I will write them, and a few close friends, notes before my surgery. I do have a will with my wants clearly expressed, as well as a living will. I made sure of that awhile ago. It is a personal choice for all of us. My heart goes out to you. ((((((Sipele K)))))))) Huggs, Ruth

Hang in there Sipele, I know this is a MAJOR thing we all have went thru or going thru. And I can only tell you what its like for me. My parents died at an early age so I was in foster homes till eighteen, why? WEIGHT.... and heart attacks and death. A operation can change your whole families life if you for some god forsaken reason dont do well and make it but let me tell ya the other side to. I am 45 yrs old and NEVER have I gotten over how I didnt have time with my family and do things with them and they never saw my grown girls or my grandbabies. I want to be there for all of that and more.I can tell you now that I wont be here alot longer if I dont do something. I feel like you to sometimes and worry but not this time. I quit doing the surgery thing two years ago because I chickened out by reading all the memorials and now am bigger than ever. I promise you this. Noone will try to tell you one way or another what to do about this feeling except we are all there for ya and will talk to you anytime.Its normal to visualize death. we all have im sure from time to time. And as far as preparing for it, thats all up to you. I have grew up knowing my time is short from the backgrounds of my lifestyle to even the way my family died. So I dont take it for granit. I tell them everytime I talk to them that I love them and we keep an open relationship with what they are suppossed to do in the event of my death and what goes to who. I even give them things while im still here so I know there are no quams to be had. Just think about it. are you REALLY living to the best potential right now anyway? prayers are with ya margaret

Sipele, I don't think anything in your post is morbid ... just sensible questions. I did get a will drawn up before surgery, and as I posted previously, I wrote a "what to do if..." type of letter to my daughters whi*****luded funeral instructions, clothing to use, what to do with the house, information on bank accounts, password information etc. I sealed it in an envelope and left it out on my desk. I didn't tell them about it til the last min before I went to surgery, because I didn't want them thinking I was as afraid as I was. I told everyone dear to me how much I love them. There's a saying "If God brings you to it, He'll see you through it." It's true. Blessings and best wishes, Myra

All that you are expressing here is quite common among many people. Im newly post-op and I had those "what ifs" going through my head the whole time too.. This is a life changing experience and its rather scary to go through something this serious. My personal experience turned out great. I took the time to write letters to several people who I needed to.. I had them all together and ready to go just "incase". I still have them today.... I made sure all my legal papers were organized so that my husband wouldnt have to search or guess on anything.. As far as bouncing between having the surgery or not having it- for me I wrote out all the pros and cons and kept them out so I could look at them whenever I had second thoughts. After looking at them everyday for a couple weeks the second thoughts didnt leave me completely but they didnt bother me nearly as much.. Coming to this site, talking with people here, and reading both good and bad outcomes of the surgery helped me to keep my head straight.. Good luck to you... if you need anything just yell.. there is always someone here to help!! Amber

You have good questions and you have to do what makes YOU feel prepared. I, the type A perfectionist, had a living will, (with all the little things I desired changed and added and initialed and signed) my memorial planned ( those who know me KNEW it had to be just the way I stated and wrote it right down to the music and subjects to discuss) and I did all of that because if i didn't, it would have bothered me. BUT I KNEW my surgery was to be a success because I researched, questioned, wrote, asked, bugged people... I even told my surgeon the Friday befor the Monday I had surgery to please have a good weekend, go to church Sunday, and have a good breakfast before he came in and saw me pre op. I double checked with him about this too. You do what you need to do. But I think, most important of all, is that you are prepared as far as knowing you have the best surgeon for you. The morning or before of surgery, talk to the anesthesiologist too. The gas man. (ok, I know it's mostly a shot and IV). Make yourself a person to them in some way...not just another bariatric patient. Many blessings! Tina -208

((((((((((((((SIPELE))))))))))))), GIRL!! I am scared too! You are so not alone in this.I'll even come out from under my hiding placeto support you. Everybody on here says that the way we are feeling is natural. I think too, that its the matter of this being an "elective" surgery that makes me feel a little guilty for taking the chance. But you know this isnt really a choice................its what we have to do. At least thats how I feel. I do have an advance directive (which made me doubt my decision to have the WLS). I wont be writing any letters to my family. I'm not lucky per se at anything .........never win the lotto..........so maybe my chances of being in that very very very small % of surgeries that go bad are good. did that make any sense????????? You and I and all of the pre-oppers on here will be fine. we'll pull strength from each other. We'll We'll We'll..........BUT WE WILL GET THRU THIS!!!!!!!!! willby

Hey Sipele your concerns are not offensive to anyone that I've seen so far. These are perfectly normal concerns and believe me I've been feeling them lately too. Like willby said we are all here for each other. You just need to weigh the pros and cons of this surgery in regards to yourself and if you feel it is right for you then do it. That's what I had to do recently and I've personally come to the conclusion that I don't really have a great life right now due to my weight and if I want a better life, and I DO I feel I have to go through this to live better for myself and boys and hubby. I'm here for you anytime. Take care, Anita