PRE OP'S PLEASE READ, I'M STILL SMO!!!.................

Hi Carmella, Great topic. I would talk about this all the time with anyone who would listen. In my support group I heard the same thing. I had lost 100lbs and still wasnt at where they were when they started. Then I brought that up in a meeting and was encouaged by them that it is not a race. There is only a finish line for ourselves. It didnt make me feel better, I just felt sorry for myself. Then, I came to this board and realize I am not alone. I did greive for my old habits. I still see some desserts and want to shovel them in my mouth cause I really really miss them. Then I think, how much do I miss the 150lbs, and I give myself a reality check. I still am SMO according to the charts. My group that had surgery at the same time as me already had thier plastic surgery done, and I am still losing. It is a good point you make. You can never be 100% prepared for anything until you go thru it. It is an emotional adjustment, but it will be eaiser with the help of our SMO board friends. We will do this together. Hugs, Still SMO Soos

I think the 2 to 4 month time frame is a pretty hard time to go through, You have been subjected to a lot of pain and discomfort and look at yourself in the mirror and are still big. You will feel a lot better in a few more months if you keep doing what they tell you to. I remember going to a support group meeting and talking to a guy who had lost 180lbs when I was three months out and he told me that the weight will come off fast it will be off before you know it. He was right. I was right around the same weight lose as you are at three months out. I think the difference between 400 lbs and 300 lbs is big. At 300 lbs I could start to move better. But the difference between 300 lbs and 200 lbs is fantastic. I still feel like I am big but I must be looking somewhat better. I went to my sons football game last night and four different people stopped me and told me I looked good. One of the guys I went to high School and Purdue together asked me how much I lost and I told him 195 lbs and he just stood there with his mouth open. Don't get discouraged. You waited a long time for the surgery a few more months will not make that much difference. Stay on the program and life will get much better. John

Hello Carmella and evryone else! Well time to add my two cents. I was at 393 BMI 61. Down to 335! Yay!Well I feel you, I can see that my face is thinner and that my clothes fit better, but any lightweight would already have to have a new wardrobe with that kinda weight loss. This has benn the LONGEST 2 months of my life. I want to speed up the time, so I can loose enough weight that I know it. I laugh at some of these lightweigths that start their journey at 230-260 and complain about how they have no energy, they are disgusting, and all the other things they complain about. At 260 I RAN CIRCLES around most people, I had tons of energy, confidence, health, beauty, and a love of myself. But that is where my confidence breaks and I start to think.....Was I Horrible, disgusting, and an embarrasing at 260? And don't even get me thinking about what others thought of me at almost 400. Here is where my troubles come in. Even if this weight loss surgery is totally successful and I Lose 75% of my excess body weight (A WHOPPING 180pounds) That still would leave me at weight that is only 10-30 pounds below where these light weights started. Of course I would like to get below 200, but this is my question: How do I accept that this surgery will NOT make me thin, and leave me fat? Even though for me being 200 pounds would be fantastic and have me doing the happy dance, when I know for others this would be the end of the world. It is hard to remain focused on your individual goals, and personal views on weight, when others (just not the LW's but other skinny people too) view your happiest victory as a digusting utter life long sentence to livivng a fat hell? So what is a ESMO woman to do? First lets all get together in our time machine and go forward one year. That should helps us all in our juorneys. Second Lets forgive those lightweights who have no understanding, and be glad that they had this surgery now so that they never have to face being a heavy weight. Third lets pray we can keep our senses and the strong moral determination to love ourselves and, no matter where we end up or are right now it sure is a lot better then where we started from! (not no mention i was HOT at 260!) Lol ladies sorry bout the long post hope it makes sense! Best Wishes Amanda

This is a wonderful thread... and particularly pertinent for me today. I just got back from a professional conference out of town. How did I do??? It was exhausting and exhilirating and liberating!! Did I lose??? Don't know - don't care! Did I eat??? Yes, yes and yes.... anything I wanted... but joy oh joy... i could eat a little of everything and feel satisfied... take home a doggy bag and still not fini**** all.... and life is GOOD!!! For the first time in my life...I was not obsessed with food!!! I Did not stress over how many carbs or how much liquid... or how much protein... I ate exactly what I wanted to... and made relatively good choices.... I did not feel like I was on a diet... former work colleagues didn't recognize me.... i had my cake and wine and ate it too!!! LIFE IS GOOD.. and my clothes still fit me when I left... as a matter of fact, some are a little baggy and I may have to retire them soon!!!!! I guess from here on out... any weight loss is gravy... I may not be under 200.... but hell, I can move a lot better than I ever could... and I don't intend to diet again!!! I am down to where I was in early college... and hell that was over 25 yrs ago... and I thought I was cute then... so damn I must be cute now!! : ) Purple is my favorite color and i actually fit COMFORTABLY in a purple size 16 suit this week!!!! Actually today I don't care about goals... especially those set for me by other people or charts - as far as I am concerned - I reached goal today... i was able to maintain - without standing out in a crowd - enjoy good meals - and keep up with the rest of the crowd - I was not stuck in a chair - I didn't worry which chair I sat in - I went to bed early because I chose to do so!!! Life is truly good!!! I'm still obese too... but havin more fun than the whiners I hear that are 10 lbs from goal Have a good one!!!

Carmella, I'm also 4 months out. I just barely made it under 300 lbs and have felt some of the same feelings you have about some of the "lightweights" and what they have accomplished in the same amount of time. In some ways, the emotional part of this journey is my most challenging. I seem to have the eating, the nutrition and the exercise part of this WLS journey down pretty well. But, now that I've lost 90 lbs (I've still got 130 to go as well) I have some new challenges. One is clothing. Almost none of my clothes fit properly any more and I am reluctant to go out and buy a bunch of new clothes when I still have so far to go. I do have a few things to wear that fit, but, I'm having to work harder each day to find something to wear. The 2nd challenge and much harder is dealing with "relationships with men". I'm a widow of 9 years now (my 2nd husband committed suicide 9years ago this month). Since then, I've had a couple of short lived relationships, but, have spent most of the time alone, which is easy when you are SMO because most men don't look at you as sexual. Well, now that I've lost 90 lbs I've had much more attention from men. I have (what I thought was) a very good friend for the past couple of years. He and I took a road trip together about a month ago. Our 3rd night out, he initiated sexual activity. I hesitated somewhat, knowing what this could mean, but, since it had been 3 years since I've been intimate with anyone, I went ahead. So, we've been seeing each other for about a month in an intimate way. Well, this weekend, we went down to Southern Utah for a wedding. He proceded to make his rounds to literally every woman at the party. He acted like I didn't exist. It really hurt me. I finally got fed up and went up to him at the wedding party and told him I was leaving and not to come in my room when he got back. He respected my wishes and stayed out. Well, then we had a 4 hour drive back today. We talked briefly, I expressed how hurt it made me feel that he spent the 6 hours we were at the wedding with all the women except me and he said nothing but, "I'm sorry". Well, it was a long drive back. I still feel bad, but, I also know I'm learning things again. I've been out of the loop for so long, I don't even really know how to do it. As I lose weight there will be more opportunities to date and I need to do it wisely. I do want to be out there and meet men, but, I don't want to feel so "flipping" vulnerable or unloveable, do you know what I mean? Lori 384/294/170