What makes us different???
I have been lurking and occasionally posting but something has been knawing at me. In the midst of brewing controversy I am trying to remember why I thought this board, out of the many others, would be helpful to me. What makes us different from those who just tipped the 40 BMI mark??? (or even the 35 mark!!????)?
Do we have the same struggles??
Do we have the same losses???
Does the playing field get leveled when we reach goal???
or do we carry additional baggage???
Are we more desperate in our attempts to garner affection? hide from the world?
ARe we more vulnerable when we shed our skins?? after having been so well protected and invisible for so long??
What made us so much more obese in the the first place?? and what does it truly take to achieve "normality"??
Do you ever feel scared as you near a certain weight??? Does your weight loss stall at that point until you are emotionally ready to handle it???
A fellow struggler in the fray....
B
GOOD MORNING SWEETIE 
SOME VERY GOOD QUESTIONS AND I WILL DO MY BEST TO ANSWER SOME OF THEM
Do we have the same struggles?? SOME OF OUR STRUGGLES R THE SAME AS PEOPLE WITH LOWER BMI BUT WE HAVE A LOT THAT JUST US SMO'S DEAL WITH
Do we have the same losses??? YES BUT THEN WE HAVE MORE ALSO
Does the playing field get leveled when we reach goal??? I AM NOT SURE ON THAT ONE
or do we carry additional baggage??? I THINK WE WILL ALWAYS BE SMO'S AT HEART EVEN AT GOAL
Are we more desperate in our attempts to garner affection? hide from the world? I THINK MOST OF US R OR WE PUT ON FRONTS TO COVER IT UP
ARe we more vulnerable when we shed our skins?? after having been so well protected and invisible for so long?? NOT SURE ON THAT ONE EITHER MAYBE WE R A LITTLE
What made us so much more obese in the the first place?? and what does it truly take to achieve "normality"?? ANOTHER QUESTION I WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO
Do you ever feel scared as you near a certain weight??? Does your weight loss stall at that point until you are emotionally ready to handle it??? I WAS DEVASTATED WHEN I HIT 400 ESP SINCE I DIDN'T THINK I WAS ANYWHERE NEAR THAT IT JUST SNUCK UP ON ME BECAUSE ME LIKE MOST SMO'S DON'T DARE STEP ON A SCALE
I HOPE THIS HELPS A LITTLE YOU MADE ME THINK A LOT
LOVE CANDY
SOME VERY GOOD QUESTIONS AND I WILL DO MY BEST TO ANSWER SOME OF THEM
Do we have the same struggles?? SOME OF OUR STRUGGLES R THE SAME AS PEOPLE WITH LOWER BMI BUT WE HAVE A LOT THAT JUST US SMO'S DEAL WITH
Do we have the same losses??? YES BUT THEN WE HAVE MORE ALSO
Does the playing field get leveled when we reach goal??? I AM NOT SURE ON THAT ONE
or do we carry additional baggage??? I THINK WE WILL ALWAYS BE SMO'S AT HEART EVEN AT GOAL
Are we more desperate in our attempts to garner affection? hide from the world? I THINK MOST OF US R OR WE PUT ON FRONTS TO COVER IT UP
ARe we more vulnerable when we shed our skins?? after having been so well protected and invisible for so long?? NOT SURE ON THAT ONE EITHER MAYBE WE R A LITTLE
What made us so much more obese in the the first place?? and what does it truly take to achieve "normality"?? ANOTHER QUESTION I WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO
Do you ever feel scared as you near a certain weight??? Does your weight loss stall at that point until you are emotionally ready to handle it??? I WAS DEVASTATED WHEN I HIT 400 ESP SINCE I DIDN'T THINK I WAS ANYWHERE NEAR THAT IT JUST SNUCK UP ON ME BECAUSE ME LIKE MOST SMO'S DON'T DARE STEP ON A SCALE
I HOPE THIS HELPS A LITTLE YOU MADE ME THINK A LOT
LOVE CANDY 
B,
Wow, such very good questions! I've been wondering a few of the same things, especially the feeling scared as the weight drops off. It's something I didn't expect to feel. Also, I don't know that I'll ever feel "normal" ... maybe after a few YEARS at a "normal" weight ... but right now it seems a remote thing.
I've also been wondering if anyone else is dreading putting on more form-fitting clothing? I'm still wearing most of my old clothes, believe it or not, even after losing 130 lbs., mainly because of the styles that I wore/wear: Loose button shirts (not tucked), "Bend-Over" slacks with elastic waistbands. The shirts are hanging on me like a clothes-hanger, and the pants are now becoming sloppy-big, but I keep resisting buying new clothes! My family thinks it's because I'm frugal and don't want to spend alot on "interim" clothing ... and that's a little true ... but the main reason is I'm just down-right scared to clothes shop, and then wear things that might be more form-fitting. I know it's a head-thing, but I wondered if anyone else is having this sort of problem.
When I started this, I told the Psych (and myself) I was ready emotionally and physically, and that was true then. As the weight has come off, though, even though it's nice to hear how much better I look, and know how much better I feel ... something deep inside still says "it's a lie ... you're still huge!!!" My cognitive brain can say ... Yes!!! ... but that fat girl and woman who've lived inside of me for so long just want to keep saying "no, not true!"
It's funny you said "been so well protected" ... that's exactly where I've been for so long, even though I've not been "protected" from the sarcasm and disdain of those people who've felt it was their duty to say and do hurtful things. It has been a protective wall of fat. And I *have* wondered if my recent very lengthy plateau was me trying to sabotage myself.
You asked if the playing field would become level ... and I don't think so. I think when you've been as large as some of us have been it's something that stays with you ... so IMHO there is sure to be a form of *baggage* left over.
Blessings your way,
Great questions B! To begin with, I think all SMO's ask these same questions at some time or another.
Do we have the same struggles?? Yes, I think we do, but as SMO's we have more of them than they could even imagine.
Do we have the same losses??? Yes, I think we do, but again, I think us SMO's have more of them on many levels.
Does the playing field get leveled when we reach goal??? I don't know... I am still preop. I would like to think it would, but I doubt it. Some is their fault because even at 100 pounds overweight, they never had to deal with the things we have, and they just don't understand where we are coming from, even though they may think they do. And the other side of that is that we may still have other emotional/mental walls from being a SMO for so long and being treated differently than others. I think there are a good many former SMO people out there that still see themselves as SMO even though they may have gotten to goal.
or do we carry additional baggage??? Yes, I think we do.
Are we more desperate in our attempts to garner affection? hide from the world? I can only speak for myself on this one but I believe that it is a resounding HELL YEAH!! When I am feeling depressed, I just want to be left alone until I can work through it. I have made some HUGE mistakes in my life in the name of love, or rather, love right now!
ARe we more vulnerable when we shed our skins?? after having been so well protected and invisible for so long?? See above answer... and add absolutely!
What made us so much more obese in the the first place?? and what does it truly take to achieve "normality"?? I think there are many answers to this one, as individual as each one of us is. Who determines normalcy any way? The media, society, Hollywood? If the answer is yes to any of those, I may never be 'viewed' as normal.
Do you ever feel scared as you near a certain weight??? This remains to be seen, but I believe it would be yes, at least for me. I know from past dieting experiences, different weights I have been over the last 30 years, signifies something, someplace, or someone in time. That can, and no doubt will be, scary for me to have to address when the time comes.
Does your weight loss stall at that point until you are emotionally ready to handle it??? I definitely think this is true for me, again from previous dieting experiences. Counseling is so important to deal with the different issues we have while going through this process.
Huggs,
Ruth 
I have been struggling with these questions for myself and truly you have demonstrated in your truly wonderful, honest ways why I come here again and again.... You get me... you really, really get me!!! (the following are only my opinions and are meant to be presented only as such)
Yes, I do think we are different... I'm not exactly sure of all the ways that make us so, but I gotta tell you I feel like I am venturing into foreign territory and have to ask myself daily if I am truly being me.
Do we have the same struggles??? No... I think ours are more intense and run along different lines... it will almost be a year now, and I still cannot judge accurately just how much I will want to eat, or what it takes to make me feel full. I am doing much better at leaving things on the plate (don't know what made me think I was the garbage disposal for the entire family but hey, I was)... but my eyes are still WAY bigger than my stomach... and it is almost a comfort thing... I feel much better emotionally if my plate is full... even though I know I'll never be able to fini****
Do we have the same losses??? I was surprised at the unexpected losses.... friends... job..... that nice person I used to be.... I'm much more fiery... but I think I am having a lot more fun!
Does the playing field get leveled when we reach goal??? Hell no... at least for me it doesn't seem so... I will always carry the memories and experiences of a SMO person for over 30 years... they have colored and shaped my world.... if only I could have 30 more to see if I can begin to put them into perspective!
Are we more desperate in our attempts to garner affection? hide from the world???? ARe we more vulnerable when we shed our skins?? after having been so well protected and invisible for so long??
I'm am so timid to answer these questions... they seem to evoke shame in me... but I think yes... affection any way I could get it probably caused me many more problems than I bargained for. Being fat made me invisible... from molesters, from unwanted advances, from people who were jealous of my talent or my beauty... all of those things sunk beneath walls of fat made me able to blend in more effectively... and become the "nice" "non-threatening" "wonderful" person I used to be.
What made us so much more obese in the the first place?? and what does it truly take to achieve "normality"??
I'm not so sure I will ever be normal... not so sure I even want to be... although I have much pain and avoidance in my past, what wisdom, insight and joy has been infused into my future... you don't get to be me without walking that unique path.
Do you ever feel scared as you near a certain weight??? Does your weight loss stall at that point until you are emotionally ready to handle it??? Yes, I get petrified when I get near certain points... right now I am getting near that 200 lb mark and am totally stuck! At least now, I recognize a plateau as something else and start asking myself "what am I so afraid of" and as soon as I can answer that question.. guess what happens.. this has been such an emotional journey for me... so many, many, many things coming to the surface as my bones come to the surface of my body!!!!
Well thanks for your answers and your insights and walking this journey with me... it is so nice not to feel alone!!!!! I swear I would go mad if I only was surrounded by the 130lb crowd whining about those last 5 lbs.
Love you all.... Don't forget why we come here!
B
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