Monday Morning Freak Out!

Ok, this may sound stupid, but today I'm meeting with my surgeon for the first time. I have not allowed anyone to weigh me in about a year and a half, so I don't know what I weigh and I'm FREAKING OUT about finding out. I know I'm over 350 since I quit weighing myself in the nurse's office at work once I went over that amount and that was 18 months ago. Has anyone else gone through this or am I the only nutcase who can't handle the ugly truth? Just hoping to calm myself down..... Thanks! Jen

Hi Jen, Relax sweetie, we ALL have been there-done- that one for sure. That's just part of the denial process that we all had to have gone through to get into this "Super Morbidly Obese Club" or as we hear lovingly call SMO's aka SMORES aka "ESKIMOS"---(because that is how it sounds when you spell S-M-O's real fast) I was in denial for years. I knew that I was "heavy" but I was fine. I was a housewife and mom of two boys/young men and I had devoted most of my life just trying to take care of everyone and keep my little family of 4 going. My oldest son was 21 when he started to look into the weight loss surgery. He had always been the "big kid" well he was 9lbs 12 oz. at birth to start with (haha) As much as I tried to help him...I just couldn't shield him from the bullying and verbal abuse that he went through as a SMO teen. That was my focus. When he began the process of wls, I went with him to all his appointments and manitory support group meetings. When I would go to these things with my son...I was always asked by somebody there. "When are you having the surgery?" I quickly would answer that It wasn't ME it was my son. They would apoligise and I would be on my way. My focus was on my son. I can truly say that it wasn't even till after his successful surgery Feb. 20, 2004, that I walked by a full length mirror and was shocked!! That couldn't be me!!! Well, after a year past I decided to look into it for myself. I got on the scale and was totally freaked!! I didn't even know what a BMI was. But that was my beginning. Yes, it was the ugly truth..the truth that I didn't want to face. I put everybody's needs before mine, and now it's my turn!! My husband and the rest of my family are actually very supportive because after all the worry they went through over my son, and his losing over 200 lbs and his new life full of possibilities that weren't there before...they can see that I'm gonna be O.k. I hope I didn't put anybody to sleep with my life saga..I just wanted to answer your question in a simple way Jen, You will be fine. You are NOT a nutcase....but stick around here we could sure use a few more of them I am still pre-op but my surgery is November 23rd!!! I feel like I've been through the whole emotional roller-coaster already though...the surgery itself will be like getting a flu-shot for me at this point. Feel free to post here or e-mail me if ya wanta. Take care! Virginia

Thanks, I really appreciate your support and I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who has lived in denial.

Jen, OH YES... I know what you are saying oh so well!!!!! I told myself for several years that I was a "little over 350" becuase I maxed out the scales. When I was diagnosed as a diabetic and put in the hospital four years ago (what made me decide I HAD to have this surgery tho I had already been researching for a couple of years before that) at the hospital they weighed me and I was 463 pounds (and I managed to get up to 499 pounds for my all time high).. what a shocker when I honestly believed I was a "little over 350"!!!!!! Don't be too scared... this is a journey of one step at a time... getting an honest weight is a big step and once you know it, you might actually feel relieved to know the truth!!! Good luck! HUGS Patti

THank you Patti, I really appreciate the support of all of you who truly understand what it is like to be SMO!

Jen Ohhh sugar I know exactley how you feel. I was in the hospital last year in November and they weighted me and I was shocked to find out I was 407lbs and embaressed for my hubby to hear it as well. So here I am going to all these support meetings and hearing the Dr. say his limit for the surgery is 450lbs. Thinking to myself I am in the clear. Well I went for my first consult and was shocked when I found out I was actually 489lbs. I came out and lost it. I bawled and told my hubby for the first time I wanted to die and that I wish I was dead. Needless to say I got a WONDER CHEWING (for those of you who dont know what a wonder chewing is. It is where he chewed on my ass so hard it is a wonder my stomach didnt fall out) Of course it didnt help that I quit smoking about 7 months ago too. Anyhoo dont worry it is just numbers and they can & WILL change!!!! Good luck Melissa

I was weighed for the first time in three or four years at my pulmonologist's office in May. I weighed 50 pounds more than I thought. I weighed 571 pounds. Which was shocking and horrifying and very traumatic. I had another doctors appointment the same day and totally lost it in that doctor's office. Then I resolved to do something about all of this. I hadn't had health insurance in a long time. I finally got approved for SSI disability and Medicaid in March. So when I saw the number on that scale and had my own freakout moment, I took a little comfort in the fact that I had insurance and could use it to try to fix my body. The first step was giving up all pop and fastfood. I haven't touched either since that day in May, nearly six months ago. I added exercise that day -- just leg lifts and arm raises to start, but I made sure I did it every day. I got my PHP on board and went to the WISH Center. It's the best care I can get near here. My intake at WISH wasn't until the beginning of July. When I stepped on the scale then, I'd lost 15 pounds. Your body is a fact of life. You live with it every day. No matter what that scale tells you, the scale is just a tool. You'll be using it to mark your progress. Because my weight is so high, I can't use the scale at my doctor's office. I haven't stood on a scale since July. But I've been drinking 64 ounces of water a day, eating protein six times a day, and avoiding unhealthy foods (most of the time -- I'm not a saint, sometimes I have pie or pizza or a big cheeseburger). I exercise six days a week, 45 minutes to an hour at a time. I do most of this at the Y (2 high impac****er aerobics classes, 2 days of lap swimming). I do chair aerobics the other two days (hate it, but it gets my heart rate up to the 138 beats a minute my exercise physiologist says is optimal). My surgery is scheduled for December 12th. I feel very positive about it. I feel like can eat the way I eat now forever. I know that when my weight drops enough for me to get off disability and get a job or go back to grad school, I won't have as much time to work out. But I can always do my chair aerobics, and my Y classes meet late enough to accomodate work. This is a sustainable way for me to live, and I feel good about it. So a freakout can be a good thing. Mine was the kick in the ass I needed to get moving on WLS. I'm looking forward to getting back on a scale. I have a chest film scheduled at my pulmologist's office in November. With all the work I've done, I better have lost at least another 15 pounds. If I haven't...well, talk about your freakouts