I'm new to the over 50 bmi board

Last time I was weighed (back in March) was 459 and I'm 5'5" which gives me a BMI of 76. I bought a scale over the weekend that weighs up to 550 lbs. I have been approved, but we are waiting on a date. Bottom line I'm scared and excited at the same time. I have a 16 year old son who told me yesterday he would rather me take the risk of the surgery then to let the fat kill me. My mother is making me crazy. She seems to think she can control everything. I want the surgery as soon as possible, she wants me to wait until January. She doesn't want me ruining anyone's holidays if I should die. She keeps bringing it up so much I'm more petrified then ever. I've never had any problems with surgery before but she acts like I'm the highest risk ever. I have no heart problems, no high blood pressure or high cholesterol. I do have sleep apnea, diabetes, and asthma. We have 2 dogs and cats in the house so we are building a fence to put the dogs out. She swears my house is a bacteria colony and everything must be scrubbed from top to bottom before I have surgery. I've read a lot of wonderful stories of people who are overweight like mewho had the surgery and are doing great. I've also read the memorials. Anyway this was a lot to lay out here on my first post, but it felt a little good to get it out...

Hi Diane! Welcome to the best board on OH. Lots of great people here. Just jump right in! Huggs, Ruth

Hello and welcome to the board! It sounds to me like you might want to consider separating yourself from the negativity around you. If someone was following me around constantly talking about death from the surgery, I would be freaked out too Are there dangers? Absolutely. That cannot and should not be ignored. It basically boils down to comparing the pros and cons. Only you can make that analysis for yourself. Not your mother, not your friends, not your family, but YOU. And once that decision is made you can hope for support, but you may not always get it and that is ok too. After all, it is all about you and if you don't have a good support system at home, then come here. I have only been on this board for a little while and I already see how supportive it is. Good luck on your journey and again, welcome!! Sam 464/390/225

Hi Diane, I'm with you about being scared and excited all at the same time. Glad to hear that you found us here. Everyone here has been so supportive to me in my wls journey. Aren't families something else?...everyone who has a controling mother, please raise your hand here. Every family seems to have a few, shall we call it "less supportive" to each other's hopes and dreams. Right now your hopes and dreams are to be healthy again!! Don't let others continue to get in your way. I had to tell family members and friends that if they didn't have something supportive to say to me..please keep it to yourself. Bottom-line, this is your decision. And as long as all your clearances come back good, and your 16 year old son is rooting for you..I say go for it! Hugs and Smiles to you Diane! Virginia

HI DIANE I THINK IT IS NORMAL TO BE NERVOUS I AGREE YOU NEED TO GET RID OF NEGATIVE ISSUES AROUND YOU OF COURSE YOU CAN'T GET RID OF YOUR MOM BUT JUST TELL HER THAT YOU REFUSE TO DISCUSS IT WITH HER AND IF SHE TALKS ABOUT IT HANG UP OR LEAVE YOU WILL GET LOTS OF POSITIVE SUPPORT HERE THESE GUYS ARE AWESOME LOVE CANDY

Thank you very much. She seemed to be rooting for me to have the surgery until it was approved. Now that it is real she comes up with every reason why I need to wait. I've been trying to avoid her calls and not talk about the surgery. If it happens let her know I'm serious about it and she needs to let it go. I'm glad I found this board because truthfully no one knows what it is like to be this big unless they are this big. Diane

Your mother is probably afraid for you and is expressing it in a pretty negative way. Have you told her how she maes you feel? It might help, especially if you tell her that you aren't flexible about when you have surgery. My mother has issues, too. She's outwardly supportive, but will do things like buy junk food or bing candy into the house. I'm very good about avoiding it, but it feels like sabotage to me. She's big, too. Maybe she's afraid that I'll abandon her when I lose the weight. Trying to put it on you that your (extremely unlikely) death will ruin Christmas is very manipulative. There's a Christmas every year. Family should be willing to have one sub-par holiday if it means supporting you while you do what you have to do to recover your health. Good luck. I'm new to this board, too, btw. I weigh more than you do, and will be ruining Christmas myself (not by dying -- I hope -- but by having surgery on December 12th). Since I do a lot of cooking for holidays, I'm thinking of serving my relatives the same thing I'll be eating just 12 days out. I really hope they like whey protein and vitamins.

Hi Diane, Welcome to the board and glad to have you. First I would like to say what a wise and mature 16 yr old you have. I have given WLS a lot of thought and for me I came to the conclusion that there are risks in everything we do. There are risks if we don't have this surgery. The most successful people in any area of life will tell you that the greatest gain comes from taking the greatest risks. As for your mom...Moms will be moms. I have one just like her. I'm glad I'm not alone. Like another poster already stated she is mostly scared so her "craziness" come from a good place. As for when YOU have YOUR surgery choose the date and time that is best for you, but keep in mind the situation of those who will be your caretakers afterwards. I chose my date based on the fact that it would be the best time for my Mom to come out from Colorado. It was only a week off from when I originally wanted it so no biggie. Again welcome and congratulations on your approval as well. The hard part is over. Kim Again

Welcome to the boards. The next time your mom tells you that she doesn't want you to risk ruining people's holidays... look her straight in the eye and say "Mom, are you saying that people won't be upset if I die at another time besides the holidays?" I had to tell my mother that I wouldn't listen to anything negative about the surgery. I only had to say it once. If needed, say it everytime she starts this stuff. But on the other hand, after the surgery don't complain to her. Don't tell if you vomit, can't tolerate a certain food, etc. You will open yourself to more negative comments. We are all here for you. You can complain, whine, and rejoice with us whenever you want. We care and we don't judge. Loris

WELCOME DIANE!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE NOT ALONE HERE. SANDRA A.