Somenbody slap me....

Well day 1 of the liquid diet wasn't too good. I got up and had hot tea, and gagged down almost all of a protein drink around 10. For lunch I had broth with protien mix in it, and crystal light. About 4 I got shakey and had a string cheese and a peanut butter sandwich. That was the best choices I coud come up with. We had steak and cottage cheese for dinner, so I guess I am off to a fresh start tomorrow. I really can't mess up I only have 6 days left now....so somebody slap me..... Vee I guess nobody wants to know about the 1 teeny tiny bite size snickers bar that disappeared,,,,darn halloween candy.

If your doc wants you on a liquid diet before surgery you need to make sure no matter how bad things taste you stick with it. Not doing it could be the difference between having and not having the surgery.

Vee, boy are you ever hard on yourself... NO SLAPPING fro you, but hugs of joy and acceptance! I think you said it best in your journaling " I am committed to doing everything exactly how my doctor tells me to do it. I am as prepared as I can be, for the changes. I am in essence, "forcing" myself to be compliant." Nothing changed today, except for the fact that you tried your best. Your doctor must know you well enough to try to get you to attempt the liquid diet before surgery, so you will be better prepared when you accually CAN'T go off of the diet after surgry - as it will make sick or jepordize the surgery. So thank God that you have had this experience NOW, before you have the surgery. Another thing that might help you when drinking that gagging protien diet drink or staying on the "diet".... you mentioned the list of things that you are looking forward to after weightloss surgery...... let me remind you what you said.... 1. To live without pain, and fear of impending illnesses. 2. To enjoy that life to the fullest, and watch my boys grow and have families of their own. 3. To renew my vows with my husband next year at our 20th anniversary. 4. To not worry about chair sizes, and airplane seats, movie seats, booths at restaurants. 5. To shop for cute things,,,,and be able to go sleevless 6. Cross my legs. Sit Indian style. 7. Not have my belly hit the steering wheel. 8. Not sweat so much 9. Loose my "other chins" 10. Wear a bathing suit 11. Have extra room on the back of hubby motorcycle. 12. Get my own motorcycle. Vee, what a wonderful list and I am so proud of you! There are so many supportive people in your life - you are not alone. You are doing the right things for the big picture. NO SLAPS.. just hugs! ~*~ Pam

Thank you Pam, I really needed to wake up to your kind words today. I am committed to being compliant today. Actually when I think about it, I probably could have stayed on track yesterday, but that desire for food won out,,,,again. But I have a new day in front of me, and I WILL succeed today, because I am committed (sure is a big wake up call when someone quotes YOU to YOU...lol) Anyway I was thinking about it last night, and I was "talking" myself thru what happened, and I came to the conclusion, that food has been such a large part of my life, that psychologically I wanted it, physically I ddin't. I realized I have to be in a different place mentally to do this. It isn't worth having complications over some cheese or peanut butter,,,that actually didn't taste as euphorically as I had hoped it would. Food has always been my comfort before, and now I realize just how much. I need to be concious of that, and find alternitive ways to comfort myself. Once again thank you for your kind words... Vee

hi vee: won't slap you, but i agree with the previous posts. you're doing this for a very important set of reasons and if you don't follow the docs rules you could very well jeopardize your surgery date. i'd hate to see that happen. but it's up to you. i wish you good luck and alot of stamina. hugs to you, girl dorthe

I never quite realized the power that food had over me, guess I was in denial. But yesterday was a real wake up call for me. The reason I am doing this is to become healthy and I have to commit at some point and this is the point. Food has had a hold on me long enough and I REFUSE to let it win, I am and will be srtonger then it. Like I said in my last post, actually eating the food yesterday was a big letdown, the whold satisfaction thing just wasn't there. I felt defeated by food, But today, a new day I will be the victor, I control my food,,,my food does not control me. I think part of my problem yesterday was I felt "cheated" that I couldn't have "one last" this or that. I come to realize that there will never be an end to that list. I am starting to see just how sneaky food can be. It is the reason that I am facing this surgery now. I read a post once that said something to the effect of,,,,,,,she was "killing" her best frined (food), but if she didn't kill it,,,,it would surely kill her. That was pretty powerful to me, and I was able to relate to it. I should probably post this part to the christanity board, and I hope I do not offend anyone by my following statement. It is just my personal belief. Last night I came to realize that (to me) food is like satan, it keeps trying to pry itself into my life and sabotage my attempts to control it. It is like a numbing agent I have used for years not to feel real emotions. Well, I would not let satan control my life, nor will I let food control me either. Sorry this got so long winded, guess I needed to "Vent"... Vee

Vee, Since there isnt a slap emoticon can I just give you a karate chop? I just went through what youre going through right now. (am STILL going thorugh it i should say) My last bite of solid food was on October 21st. since then its been clear liquids. I would NEVEREVER EVER have thought that food was such an addicitve drug. after talking/crying to my 26yo soon about it he said "Mom, you sound just like a crack addict.........If i could have just ONE MORE BITE" I actually said that to him."If I could just have one more bite of food"!!! But we all know one bite is too much and a thousand bites is never enough. I think I'm just trying to tell you that we are all addicts. And everyone knows that quitting drugs(be it smoking,alcohol,crack, or food) is HARD!!! But at least we're trying. GIRL!! Give yourself credit where credit is due!! good luck willby thinsoon

Thanks Willby,,,I never knew I was living in denial until now. You can clearly see it in others, but when it comes to yourself, now that is a WOW moment. I sure do feel for you, and everyone else, as I now fully understand what you went thru to get to where you are at. We can all do this, together. Have a great day, and thank you from the bottom of my heart. Vee

Hi Vee, Just remember that this is not forever! You are doing everything to reach your own goals on your list, however, you WILL be able to eat again. I eat just like "normal" people eat, I just have to make proper choices. After the surgery, by the time you are ready to eat compulsively again, you are so use to your new habits that you have the power over food instead of the food having power over you. I can now, since surgery, make the choices that thin people make. If you ever watch a skinny person eat, they eat to live not live to eat. You will eat again, and it will taste good, and it will be worth it. Just hang in a little longer. Your seat is saved here in the losers lounge. Best of luck, Soos

Thanks Soos,, I appreciate it, the next day was a bit better, my doc thinks I wasn't getting enough fluids, thats why i was feeling so cruddy. This morning, at my dr's advice I had Carnation instant breakfast (s/f) mixed with fortified skim milk (skim milk mixed with powedered milk), and while it was real chocolaty, I was able to drink it with no problem. However, it seems now I am getting what my 4 year old has, and I am truely on the doorstep of a respitory infection, I am waiting till 9 to call my dr to see if he will still do the surgery on tuesday, or if i have to reschedule....grrrrr Vee