I am sorry (long)

ok guys I have not been here for you and I have not let you be here for me I have spent 16 days in hell and I cant do this any more. ok this all started about 16 days ago with aunt flow that has not seen me in 3 1/2 years thank you depo shots. well it did not stop there the pain I was in was unbearable i cryed for days went to 4 docs no one would understand that I cant take some meds and that my pain meds were not helping. if you have had a kid you know the pain I was in labar all over again for 15 days I cryed no one would help. I got sent for a ultrasound last week things were a little big but ok they said. but still in pain they made me appt. with a obgyn for a week later A WEEK OMG I was going to die before that but I called and had it moved up to Monday that was the most painfull thing I have had done to me in a long time. got that done and waiting on them to tell me they sent me for a CAT scan yesterday and this doc got what I was saying about the pain and the meds and gave me shots to take at home. well guess what guys my ins will not cover but one a month well hell he wants me to take on every 12 hrs. so I self pay for a few to help a little I am on a fixed income and that hurt. oh yea and bounced a check for meds last week man that sucked. having a really hard time now and have no one to talk to you guys are all I got and I would not even turn to you. sorry now I do the sit and wait thing to find out what the test say I think aunt flow went home yesterday got a depo shot early and I think that helped with that. pain is a little better but I feel so sad and alone I have not lost a lb in 3 weeks think I have gained 2 or 5 my kid and old man hate me I have been the witch from the south he told me he wished I would treat him like a person again all I do is yell at my kid. I am a total BIT** but I hurt does not any one understand this every one wants me to go and go and go well hell I want to sleep and cry every day. I need a pick me up a hug and some one to tell me this is going to be over soon I am sick of being sick. sorry this is long had a lot to say I love you guys so much I dont post that much but I am here every day reading how your lifes are going shelley

OMG! Im so sorry!! Im on my way out the door to see the doc myself so I dont have time to sit and say everything I want to say.. So please know that Im thinking of you and hoping things get better for you soon.. Your having a rough time and we all know how hard it is.. It will get better!! (((((Shelley))))) keep us updated so we know whats going on!! Amber

I will I need you guys lol funny never in my life did i ever think I would need any one I was by my self for so long I think It started at 12 that I never guessed you needed any one think you for being here

(((((Shelly)))))))) I am so sorry for what you are going through. If I could I would make it all better sweetie. You truly are not alone here and we are here for you no matter what. You're alot like me in the fact that it is very hard for me to ask for help when I need it. Instead I tend to suffer in silence until everything gets so overwhelming that I too would become very b*tchy and mean to those I love. I learned that it is up to me to ask for what I need whether it be a hug, pampering or to be left alone. Sometimes it is easier said than done so I applaud your courage to share your problem with us and to come to this board for help. Hang in there and stay strong. IT WILL GET BETTER that I can promise. Take care, Kim

Shelley, Please dont be so hard on yourself. Keep telling yourself that youre doing the best you can. I so agree with Kim about this. Why is it so hard for us to ask for help? I wonder if its the low self-esteem thing or the have to prove ourselves cuz we're fat thing? Whatever it is it stinks!!! Whenever youre (me) depressed is THE TIME to talk to people.......but hiding is easier I think (albeit more painful). Youre kids LOVE YOU! Your partner is still there!!! That tells me that youre not as terrible as you think you are. Please be gentle on yourself!! willby thinsoon

See this is why I love you guys you tell me like it is lol shelley

Shelley, we are here for eachother... including we are here for YOU! How do you ever expect to go through such a hard time without the support of those who care so much about you...... thank you for taking the time to share the pain, frustration, stress, and disappointment you have been experiencing these past days. First.... I am throwing you the biggest - longest hug ever! and as I hold you in my arms I will tell you.... "Shelley this will be over very soon - it will for sure!" Your insurance might not cover the meds, but did you know that there is help there for those meds that are not covered by insurance, ask your doctor or pharmisist.... or I can help you find it - just let me know. You bounced a check.... ok, talk to the bank and they may reverse the charges, I asked my daughter in law who works at a bank and she says they do it very often especailly for medical reasons. Your partner discribes your time in need as you acting b_tchy.... well, he has some real issues with meeting your needs and I might have to give him a good talkin' to! YOu might want to correct him, in that your responses to him were ones of shouting for help and that you needed him to meet your needs! The pain..... gosh Shelley, that is so difficult to handle, especailly when there is all ther other garbage that you had to endure too. It is ok to cuddle in bed hugging a big pillow or heating pad and have your children "read" books to you! You know your stress added to your pain, so flow with it..... let it happen - deep breaths - and take those meds. Your weight loss is not what you were hoping...... now with ever thing else going on in your life, you need to reflect on how well you are doing! I am so proud of you, you have lost so much. I know in a month you will look back and see that you are lossing and doing so well... give yourself time! As some wise woman said above me..... don't be so hard on yourself! Now on the funny side... I had to read your posting twice as I could not figure out what your Aunt had to do with your pain and what type of transportation she rode on for the depot shot. Sending you lots of thoughts.... ~*~ Pam

Thank you for your kind words I needed them I am feeling better today thank god still waiting on test but hoping every thing is ok shelley