Fear of Death

I've read some memorial pages, and am starting to have some anxiety. I don't have any potentially lethal co-morbidities right now (not diabetic, normal BP, very minor cellulitis that goes away with antibiotics, but that's about it). I exercise 6 times a week and eat according to the WISH Center pre-op plan (though I should probably cut my fat intake by a lot. It's usually pretty good, but I made clam chowder this week for the "last" time). Yes, I know I still need the surgery. I still want the surgery. I just don't want to die. I'm an agnostic (and I don't have any desire to convert, thanks), so I can't really pray on this or assume that I'm going somewhere better even if I do die. How did you handle this? It keeps me up, and my family don't really get it. They just tell me that of course I'm not going to die. Same with friends. Ideas? Coping methods? I wanted to go to a support meeting, but the one for this month in Toledo was cancelled. I am in therapy, but didn't have it this week because of a scheduling problem.

greetings i wish i knew some magic words that would alleviate your fears, but i don't. i had those fears, too. i didn't want to die, either. i guess in the end, i just realized that if i didn't do something to get some pounds off, i was going to die anyway. i felt that if i didn't have the surgery, it was like just giving up. and i wanted to at least give myself every chance to live. kind of a "go down swinging" mentality. i guess my best advice to you would be to do EVERYTHING the doc's tell you to do in the hospital. walk, walk, walk, etc. i realize that some times things go wrong for people even when they do exactly what they are supposed to do...but at least give it your best shot! best of luck to you! deb -198

Hey rebecca I wish there were some magic words that could alleviate your fear of dying. I was afraid too. I think everyone is. But we forge ahead because we know we have to. My main fear wasnt of death...........it was of leaving my poor family without their queen(my words..not theirs) I even hate to say this, but I almost changed my mind in the pre-op room. I called my whole family back and said"I dont want to do this" But they said"Funny, youve spent 10 months trying to do this" So I did it. take care willby

Rebecca, I dont think there is a lot that can make the fear go away completely, however I will tell you the support from here and a local support group has helped a lot. Also finding out your surgeons history may also help. For example, I just learned that the two local surgeons in my area that have done this surgery the most, have had two deaths in the past 10 years and one of them was due to a heart attack, and the patient had two heart attacks prior to surgery, so it was no way related and the other died from continually getting infections, and they just could not get rid of it. Good luck to you, and stick around, these girls are great and a lot of help.

Hi Rebecca, I thought it was only me! I also had a HUGE fear of dying. One of my daughter's friends was due to give birth about a month after my surgery, but due to complications she had her baby the day before my surgery. That made my fears even worse, I just knew it was a sign that I was going to die. You know, when one dies, another is born to take the place.... Whew, I feel better knowing I'm not the only one that felt that way. I was starting to think I was a little Brenda

Brenda, I've heard that very same thing all my life. My mom always tells us when a baby is born someone passes. I really try hard not to think about my fears. Much like Willby I'm not really afraid of dying as much as I'm afraid of leaving my three young children behind. I know in the end though that if I have this surgery our lives will be greatly improved. They will have a much happier, healthier mother. Whenever fear creaps up I just pu**** back. I was reading the Memorial Page the other night and my sister im'd me and asked what I was doing. I told her and sent her some of the info. She said Jamie please don't let this scare you the percentage rate of death from the surgery is almost like the percentage rate of death from birth control pills. THAT was an eye opener!! I clicked off of the page and haven't been back since. Rebecca I'm not religious either (even though I have in the past told people I"d keep them in my prayers I decided to change that to thoughts..). It's pretty hard to tell people you don't know if you believe in GOD so I just preferred to keep that to myself but now I guess I'll share and tell you that a belief in yourself, your support system, and your surgeon count for a lot. If you ever need to talk I"m always here. {{{{HUGS}}}} Jamie

Hi Rebecca, I am not sure if this will help you, but I will share my story with you. I can tell you that I didn't have a fear of dying because of the surgery. I had a fear of dying early because of not having the surgery. I lost my brother this year to cancer on Jul 4th, 2005. He was only 40 years old. He had battled cancer for 12 years most of his adult life. During this entire time I stopped taking care of myself and helped out my brother any way in the world that I could. I also have very few co-morbidities - only sleep apena (Very Minor). But when I went into the doctor and she told me that because of my weight - if I did not do something that I had an 80% great risk of getting cancer. That did it for me. I knew that my brother could not fix his cancer, but sure as hell could put my fears aside and fix not only my weight, but my life. You have to do whats right for you - I can tell you that going to see a therapist when you start the processes of going to get WLS really does help as well. If you want to talk more please feel free to email me. Hugs, Monica

I think we all have a fear of dying. But the logic to it all is that we are all dying from the minute we are born. You have to weigh your pros and cons of the surgery and decide what is best for you. Anyone of us can dye at any minute that is part of life. Good luck in making your decision hopefully everone is helping the best we can.

Thanks for the reassurance. It helps to know I'm not the only one. I read more of the memorials. In addition to people who have complications, there are people who die of giant heart attacks who never had surgery at all. So I guess there are big risks on either side. I still plan to go ahead with surgery. I did geet a call from my surgeon's office this morning. They want to move the surgery up six days. I really don't want this. My sister and best friend are flying in to help me. Becuase of their work, there's no way they can come earlier. The reason they want to move things up is that they use two surgeons for high risk patients (something I'm very grateful for), and the 12th is the last day Dr. Rosen will be in town (he comes in for one week every month). So if I had a problem, Dr. Schofield would have to fix it on her own. I know Dr. Rosen is the specialist, but couldn't another trauma surgeon from the hospital assist? Or would one surgeon be enough to take care of potential comlications? I know these people have my best interests in mind, but I really need my sister to be here. Our mother has a lot of physical and emotional problems. She loves me, but she has trouble seeing beyond her own issues, and I didn't want to have to take care of her just before surgery -- I wanted someone around who would take care of me. I also don't want to start the liquid diet a week early. Or have to find a way to have my pre-op consult earlier -- I want to be able to do the full two weeks of heparin. I know surgeons are so much more important than regular people, but maybe Dr. Rosen could stay an extra day? Or maybe they could move someone else's surgery so he can start his week a day later? Not to be selfish, but I'm not local to the area where this will be done. I live three hours away. I told the surgeon's office that I wanted to keep my original date. They're going to see what the doctors say. Usually, the doctors just tell you to obey them, so that's that.