son,boyfriend?

My )18) son is considering moving back home with me, he now lives with his father. They are not getting along. my boyfriend says I should make him stay with his father. I dont want him running back and forth between us and never growing up. but I think he should know he is always welcome at home with me. Am I right or wrong. I never felt welcome at home and I had a terrible young adult life and I dont want my kids to feel that way. . I am having such confused feelings, I have my own home but I really dont want to leave my boyfriend over this. but i dont think he should make me choice between my kids and me. what should ido. He has two more years of school. And my boyfriends 24yr old son lives with us and he moves in and out all the time. I think bob is playing the double standard saying my son needs to grow up.

Hi Marie...Well I went through this all my teenage years and it was terrible for me...The most sad part about it for me was how my mom would always chose her boyfriend over me. Honestly, I think the boyfriend might be at fault the most. His son lives back and forth with you but yours can't? My mom was always choosing her boyfriends kids over me when I was growing up and let me tell you it still hurts me to this day and I don't think the emotional pain will ever go away. Just ask yourself what is more important to you...your child or a boyfriend?

HI MARIE, I KNOW THINGS ARE HARD FOR YOUR RIGHT NOW, AND AM VERY SORRY FOR YOU BUT SINCE YOU ARE POSTING THIS I GUESS YOU WANT SOME TYPE OF OUR INPUT TO YOUR PROBLEM. I CAN ONLY TALK FOR MYSELF HERE. BUT I CAN TELL YA THIS. I HAVE THREE GIRLS AND ARE ALL GROWN UP AND ALL BUT ONE ARE MARRIED AND THEY LIVE IN DIFFERENT STATES. BUT...... THERE IS NOONE BREATHING ON THIS EARTH THAT I WOULD CHOOSE OVER MY KIDS.I SEE IT AS A BOYFRIEND /CHILD ISSUE AND IF YOU LET HIM TOLLERATE IT WITH HIS CHILD IN YOUR HOME MOVING IN AND OUT,THEN WHATS THE ISSUE WITH YOUR CHILD DOING IT? SEEMS LIKE TO ME THERES SOME SERIOUS CHANGING NEEDING TO GO ON. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS GIRL,YOUR FAMILY WILL BE THERE WHEN THAT BOYFRIEND COMES AND GOES.JUST BE THANKFUL THAT HE WANTS TO COME HOME TO YOU.THATS YOUR CHILD.AS THEY SAY BLOOD IS THICKER... HUGS MARGARET

Marie, I say NO CONTEST! Boyfriends are not blood. I know how much it would have meant to me to have unconditional love and acceptance (but not enabling) when I was a teenager. If your son is unruly or doesnt respect you, then thats a different story. But kids always have to know that they have at least one person in the world who accepts them and will help them(and thats usually good old mom) take care willby

Marie, This is just my opinion, since I am looking at it from your son's point of veiw, there is nothing worse that a mother could do than to choose her boyfriend over her own child. I think your boyfriend needs to butt out, ESPECIALLY if his kid is living with you! if you are worried about your son not growing up and moving along, what better place for him to be than with his mother? You can guide him to be more responsible and work towards a goal of getting his own place. Make that clear if you do choose to let him stay. I know what it feels like to be shut out by a parent, and it is the worst feeling in the world. You need to do what is right and best for you and your son.

I know I am not choosing my boyfriend over my son I guess I just needed asurance that I was doing the right thing. I know it will probably be the end of me and bob. But honestly I dont think bob will be able to accept me after the wls surgery anyway. I just dont know how I will be able to afford anything including wls If I move out on my own again.How much does the food cost after surgery. Also I know there will be trips to the dr. as for my son. well I know there is no contest. I have already told bob that.

Marie, I'm with every one else on who to choose. But, looks like you already know that. As far as food costs go after WLS. You will be eating very little for a very long time. I now get 4 servings out of a can of fat free refried beans (would have been 1 before). I get 3 meals out of every one restaurant meal. Needlesss to say, things stretch a whole lot farther. A guy who couldn't handle you getting healthier isn't really the kind of guy any one needs. Right? I know it is difficult. I've had a lifetime full of stuff too and know how hard it can be to get away from unhealthy situations. Lori 384/274/170

Marie, I am glad you know what to do, I know how hard this must be for you, I hope your son knows how much you love him. You are definitely making the right decision and if the boyfriend doesnt stand behind your choices in life how much does he really care anyway? I hope we have all helped and dont think for a second that we arent all behind you 100%. Take care, Karyn