I confess....

Thanksgiving was bittersweet for me... The good news I could eat.... last year I was on clear liquids THe bad news I could eat... I ended up in bed feeling like ka ka cause I just didn't stop eating... thank god you can only eat so much!!! I guess it was just so radically different from every other thanksgiving... old habits die hard! But guess what Christmas is coming!!! Damn....how to focus on getting enough of the right things, minimize the bad stuff and still feel good!! I also confess that since surgery for the most part I have felt like crap - my doc has me on some new meds and some new iron supplements which seem to be doing a little better but I gotta tell you, inside I am scared that I have a lifetime of feeling like this ahead of me. I am tired of being in pain, tired of being tired, and feeling like I can't ***** about this to anyone since it was my choice... Now, don't get me wrong, I move around better... its nice to be down to a size 16-18...but am I condemmed to a lifetime of always feeling like I am playing catch-up to life!!!??? Most weekends I come home and really don't care if I come out at all again until MOnday am when I have to go to work - everyone talks about how wonderful they feel -- truth is I am barely making it... and I have to make a living so I keep quiet about it,,, suck it up and keep going. Christmas has me scared!!! So many rituals and feelings that have to do with food... and so much that really isn't that great - nutrition wise that is... there is never a social occasion this time of year that doesn't revolve around food in some way???!!!!! What are you guys doing??? Is anyone else worried about this??? Now I have passed my year... and quite possibly have finished losing what I will lose??? but am wondering whether I have traded feeling like crap in one way for feeling like crap for a lifetime??? B

hi B: the holidays are totally difficult for people such as ourselves. the foods, the parties, the alcohol, ... are all traps to a person who is challenged by their weight. my way of dealing is to eat what is can - the turkey, the veggies - and keep on hand something i consider a reward, whether it's sf pudding with ff whipped creme, or a south beach pb crispie meal replacement bar. they still taste like rice krispie bars to me. as for feeling unwell. i'm very glad your dr is checking into it for you. there are so many things which could be an issue that blood tests, at least, should be in order. but for now - for your sanity - it may be better to attack this one day at a time, instead of looking at a lifetime. it sounds like you did really well in your first year, wish i was in a 16. but looking at the long run, the lifetime, the totality of the changes, can be unsettling. try to focus on today for awhile. it may help. good luck. lots of hugs. hope you feel better. dorthe

Good idea dorthe... stay focused on today.... Think I willl take that with me through the holidays Thanks B

B, I really hope you can find a solution to feeling like "crap". I don't think that is a way to have to live. I'm one of the "lucky" ones that feels great as long as I exercise daily and eat what I should eat in the amount I should eat it. Which is the hard part for me. I was just sent a giant gift basket for a vendor I do business with. I took a handful of nuts, a pear and a truffle and put the rest out for everyone else in the office. Of course, I have now ate those things and feel terrible. I know better! I think this is a struggle for life for us... Lori 384/272/170

Lori, Thanks so much for being there... it helps so much to be heard by those who understand the struggle... I am grateful that you replied and I don't feel so all alone .... B

Sphinxy One, sending you a gentle hug..... and whispering to you.... "I am so proud of what you have done and accomplished this past year." You need to keep going to a doctor (maybe even a different one****il they find out what is the cause of your crappy feeling - that is not right and not fair... and you can tell them I said so! I am not sure (ofcourse) what is going on with you to feel so crappy. I wish I could help you find a way to overcome such a feeling. Your confession is almost a punishment atleast that sounds to me..... Eating on Thanksgiving and Christmas is such a ritual... in my home too. But for me .. being together is the best. Seeing everyone enjoying the time together. Focus on what you can do... what you can eat.... and the holiday might seem a bit brighter. I picture a candle glowing... the flame flowing from side to side... and you - your smile reflecting in it's glow! Take good care, Aunt Pam

Can you adopt me???!!!! I bet your house will be so crowded it ain't funny this holiday season - Thanks for being there!!! I really appreciate it Candles... now there's a thought B