What makes me fearful of shedding this fat?

So, last night I went to Wal'Mart and bought myself a new heavy duty scale. It claims it is correct up to 380 lbs. A long as I don't gain 40 lbs over Christmas I should be fine. So, I have made a grand step in the right direction. Buying a scale is a big deal to me. I have not owned one in 4 or 5 years. They are evil because everytime I step on one I seem to get my feelings hurt. Excuses. That is all I have. Well I am not going to make anymore excuses. I am 42 years old. I have raised 2 beautiful children on my own. I have a stable job, I own my own home (well, me & the bank do anyway). I am single. I am fun to be with. I have a boyfreind who is just the best! I have a wonderful church family and I have the dearest of friends. Exspecially my DeDe, she has been with me through thick and not as thick! On the surface it appears as if I should have nothing to be fearful about. So what is it that makes me fearful of shedding this fat?

Jamie, We all fear the unknown. For most of us that started with a BMI over 50, it is totally unknown to be thin. Will our relationships change? What will I look like once all the fat is gone? I'm over half way to my weight loss goal. I am so happy to have lost the 117 lbs, but, the way my body is changing is somewhat frightening. The sagging skin is not attractive. I still have 99 more pounds to lose...then what? Guess I'll have to keep my clothes on. Ha! But, I did this for health and I have to keep remembering that. Lori 384/267/168

Thanks Lori. You are looking good. I am so happy for your success! Just keep on doing like your doing and you will be "normal" in no time! Jamie

Hi Jamie: When you find the answer, please tell me. I have learned through all of this that I am an emotional eater. Sometimes, on my way to work, I get this over whelming feeling that I could just start sobbing. WHY????? This is supposed to be wonderful!!!! 99% of the time it is. But I still feel that 1%, that I'm so scared of what is happening to me. Take Care & Happy Holidays!! Love~~ Carmella

I think it is wonderful that you are able to verbalize this.... and get it about the fear!!! so many of us get caught up in some drama of one sort or another so that we never own or face the fear. I think answers might be different for each of us... but for me... I feel exposed.... vulnerable.... very tender.... particularly at certain points in my weight loss journey. There is something about being big that is safe and powerful for me.... without it, I feel a lot like a little kid. Weight was a protection... I did not have to deal with as high expectations from everyone else... I did not have to deal with unwanted male advances... and i damn sure could become invisible whenever I wanted to.... funny how being big makes that happen. I always had boyfriends no matter how big... matter of fact, this is probably the first time in a long time, if ever, that I have remained alone... I have lots of growing to do and things to sort out... and don't particularly want to drag someone else into it right now. All that to say, despite support from family and friends... part of this journey is very interior... and that part seems to have to be done alone... perhaps you are ready to confront why it is that you became big in the first place??? Good luck ... and thanks for the question... it has made me think!! B

Hi Jamie, I can tell you a great saying that is so true - the fear of loss is greater then the desire of gain. Your fat has become a protector for you. And what happens is now you are concerned because you will not be able to eat away your stress, fear, sadness, etc. After surgery you will have to find a new way of taking control of those emotions. And donig something else to get rid of those things that make you want to eat. The fear of the unknown is a huge thing for all of us. You are going to do great and just remember anytime that you need something don't hesitate to ask. I can tell you that I cannot have a scale in my home I only get weighed when I go back to where I had surgery. That makes me go to the support groups, and to my doctors visits with a good positive attitude. I can't have a scale in the house because I become obessed with the scale. I would get on it every hour if I had one. So we all have our fears. Hang in there you are going to do just fine. You are going through the process of what I call the realization that your favorite foods will no longer be your friend (even though they are our worst enemy). Keep on Going Girl!!! Monica