I hate my family

Well, just my mother, really. I live with her. I'm on disability because my weight had gone up so high. I've struggled pretty hard. I went on a hundred job interviews (literally). I took any job I was ever offered. I've tried. I've gotten on disability. I've gotten insurance. I started an exercise and diet program with surgery in mind, and I finally had surgery last month. So I'm working hard to get the hell out of her house as soon as I can. She's relied on me many times. She had both knees and a hip replaced, and I took care of her. I did any little thing she wanted after surgery and I made sure she got good care, even demanding that she be moved from a dump of a nursing home into decent rehab (I got my wish after dozens of phone calls). If she wanted a special latte fetched and brought to her, I was johnny on the spot. She chain smokes, then compalins about her asthma, and I fetch and carry and tote and basically do whatever she can't or won't (despite my own back and joint problems). She also spends 18 hours a day on the net, and strangers (we're talking about creepy married men here) call from all over the country because she believes everything they tell her in a chatroom. After my surgery, she left me in the hospital and went home (three hours from where I had surgery). My sister stayed, which was good, but my mother had internet friends she had to keep up with. When my sister went back to Texas, I had to rely on my mother and she did things like blowing me off on New Years (and I had a stomach tube and was in basically the hardest part of my recovery) to go get drunk with some guy she met online. Oh, and she invited him to our house, where he gawked at me and said he knew all about my surgery because he'd been a medic in 'Nam. I have the utmost respect for his service, but I'm pretty sure they weren't doing WLS over there. He was creepy. I don't really care if she wants to get drunk and invite the entire world wide web over to rob and kill her. I'm not up to driving long distances right now, so it's pretty much impossible for me to go anywhere else. My family and friends with guest accomodations are all between two and ten hours from here. She invited another internet pal to stay here next week. I tried to talk to her about it (and I know it's not my house -- believe me). I wanted her to postpone her pal's visit til I'm not sick anymore. I had an endoscopy yesterday (no sedation -- the worst thing ever). I'm still bleeding from the wound where my stomach tube was. I'm not eating solid foods yet, and I'm tired a lot of the time. I don't really feel up to entertaining anyone, and I really don't want strangers seeing me like this. I also don't feel all that safe with people we don't know in real life sleeping in the next room. If this person turns out to be dangerous, I'm really vulnerable. When I tried to talk to her (on the intercom, because she can't move from in front of her computer and at this point in recovery the smell of smoke makes me vomit), she hung up on me and has since spent the whole night laughing really loudly at every joke her chat room buddies make (did I mention the webcam and microphone headset? She talks to the internet people 24/7). Why?!? Why? My father spent my childhood hitting me and telling me how worthless I was (in front of everyone and anyone). She did nothing about that. All I want is a little breathing room while I recover, and not only won't she even consider giving me that, she has to be a total crotch about it. I know that I can get a job as soon as my weight stops being a red flag to every potential employer I meet (say what you will, but when you weigh 571 pounds, people really don't want you on the company insurance). I've already lost 82 pounds (42 before surgery, and 40 in the last month). When I can exercise again, I'll be back at the Y, working for my health and independence. I'd just like to know what to do in the meantime. This was the worst possible time for my shrink to be on vacation Sorry for venting. I'm angry and frustrated and sad, and I'm pretty sure I hate my mother. I wish I'd had one parent who showed me some genuing kindness and affection. From what I hear, it's very nice (in a silly, Norman Rockwell kind of way).

Rebecca Oh sweetie my heart goes out to you. I wish I lived closer I would happly come kidnapp you and take you home with me. I am afraid of what your Mother might end up getting herself into. Trust me I went thro thinking the internet was a fun place to meet guy. (well one was I married him but he found me) But I also meet some really freaks too. I am sorry that you have to go thro this when you need to be recovering and getting your strength back. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. And if you need to vent or just talk drop me a email with your number and I can call ya sweetie. Good luck and just remember every pound will get you closer to being on your own!!! Never give up!!! Take Care Melissa

Rebecca, Well Hells Bells! Sorry for your problems,girl. I'll bet if you took a poll, you would find a lot of people who hate their Mothers at one time or another. Did I mention I'm one of them? Moms know how to stick the knife in and T-W-I-S-T it. Would your Mom listen to an internet horror story? A couple(few) years ago, this lady in New England started talking to a man online. They arranged to meet. The meeting went well......but she just wasnt feeling him. He started to stalk her. Then finally one day, he stood on her front lawn and killed himself by cutting off his own head with a chain saw!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is NO LIE!! Also, I am ashamed to admit this.........I also was into the internet chat rooms/ meet creepy men/ most of them from prison/ there are real perverts out there! I learned my lesson. Can you scare your Mom with this story? I,also, long for the Hallmark card/norman Rockwell kind of parents. but fate decided to give me Cruella Deville and Jeffrey Dahmer. Oh well......ya gotta cope, right? Rebecca, I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said something about "just when you think it cant get any worse........the tide will turn in your favor" (wow! I slaughtered that one) But I'm sure you know what I mean. Take care and keep your chin up!!! if that doesnt work..........all of us SMORES can come and sit on your mom. willby

Rebecca, sounds like your life right now is so frustrating. You are having such wonderful changes in your body wow - you have done so well. I see you have some very wonderful, supportive people in your life, your friends and sister... I understand that your mother is not meeting your acceptations - I am so sorry.... these kind of things hurt so deeply. You are sounding like you need your own space, where you can make the rules of who comes and goes. In reality, you mother has a right - even though we think it is wrong - to be the adult she desires and make her own adult decisions. Sadly they are not meeting your needs at all. I send you gentle hugs and whipsers of how proud I am of you for being who you are and developing into a wonderful woman ready to meet her future! The Norman Rockwell painting shows what might be seen as the perfect dinner - family environment, it gives the illusion of a family-feeling perfection. You can make your life reflect this feeling the best you can, but unfortunatly, we can not control others to live in our perfection. I encourage you to strive for your dreams as they are good and pure. Just remeber that our dreams may not be others. And when reality bolts into your life - draw back on those who care so much about you. I wish you sunshine through rainy days I wish you happiness, I wish you peace, I wish you laughter despite your pain I wish that all your dreams could come true Most al all I wish you most of all unconditioal love Big Hugs, Aunt Pam

Hi Rebecca I'm sorry about the lousy time you are going through. The only thing I can say that may make you feel better is.........Don't take it personally, your mom has an addiction, like alcohol or drugs. Unfortunatelly, she will have to hit "rock bottom" before she realizes it. On another note..... GREAT JOB ON YOUR WEIGHT LOSS!! Brenda

I really don't have much advice about your mom. Just keep in mind that you have started the steps you needed to take in order to improve yourself. When times get bad concentrate on yourself and your future. I am so sorry you have had a hard time with things and I wish you the best. Take care Erin

Hi Rebecca, First I just want to say that you are doing a fantastic job on your weight loss. You seem to be a very dedicated person...you lost 40lbs before your surgery...that's amazing! Secondly I want you to know that I will keep you in my thoughts. I'm so sorry you are going through this proverbial *HELL*. My wish for you is that you through all of what you are going through, just stay focused and take care of REBECCA! I know that it is easier said than done because you live in the house with your *obstical*. Sounds like you really don't have a way to get yourself out of this situation. The best thing to do is just try and not focus on the negative of your situation. Try and think of where you will be in a couple of months and only rely on your mom for the absolute necessities. Hoping for anything else at this point will only make you feel worst when she's not there for you or being supportive to you. From this point on you'd probably do better coming here and leaning on your friends @ SMOers and put less focus on what is going on at home until you can change your living situation. ((((Hugs)))) to you Rebecca, Cassandra

I am so sad for you, I know how you feel though, my mom may not of been on the net all the time but I know the treatment you are getting. my heart goes out to you. if i was closer i would come get you and keep you in my not psychotic smoke free home. email me if you ever wanna talk... Jeremy

I want to thank all of you for your kind words of support. It means a lot to me, especially now. Things always seem better in the morning. I spoke with my best friend last night (my college roommate who lives 10 hours from here). She made me feel better. Today, I had lunch with my local WLS mentor, and she was very decent and supportive. I know I need to deal with my mom issues before I can really move on. The 'net friend who is visiting her this time should be harmless. We do have an alarm system with a keychain panic button. I can keep it with me if I'm nervous. My plans are moving forward. My tube wound seems to be healing. I'm going back to the Y next week. I have to focus on getting enough protein so I can exercise and get out of the house. I'll also be starting a freelance copywriting job soon, so that will be another diversion and should help me improve my resume while I wair for enough weight to come off to make me viable in the job market. I e-mailed my sister, and she wants me to move far away from here Even if I stay in Toledo (I might if I found the right job), I can be far away from here in my own place. Thanks again! I'll have to update my profile to incorporate some of this. I'll want to remember everything -- the good, the bad, and the ugly -- years from now when I'm healthy.

Rebecca, I am so sorry you have to go through all of this, now being a mom myself i just dont understand how moms can treat their children the way your mom is treating you. You are doing awesome with your weight loss, and I wish there was something that could be done to get you out of there NOW, but you hang in there and things will be better for you really soon. In the meantime, whenever you are feeling hurt or your shrink is on vacation, you come here and vent anytime, you will always find friends that love you here. Karyn