Now It's Getting Harder.................

******WARNING THIS IS A WAKE UP CALL FOR MYSELF******* Almost 8 months out and this past week has been the hardest week ever. I know, this is my tool. But ya know what? I've been riding on the coat tails now for months and I'm kinda 'comfy' with the way I eat and feel. I haven't had to worry about anything as far as "feeling" hungry. The head hunger ha**** a few times, but nothing that I would pull my hair out with. I'm not going to lie. I've loved this ride and the constant weight loss, but now................UGH...... The 400lb girl is screaming. I DON'T WANT TO "WORK" FOR THIS. I am ashamed that I still feel this way. I feel that I weigh 400 pounds and there is nothing I can do about it. I haven't been off my couch to excersise in almost 2 months. I have no energy. I know alot of it is depression, but MAN SNAP THE HELL OUT OF IT. I waited 5 LONG ASS YEARS for my approval. I finally got it. I've lost 140 lbs now. Now I'm waiting for the 'smaller' Carmella to kick my ass in gear. I want to lose 80 more pounds. Can you frekin' belive it. I NEVER thought I would ever say that. It has always been some unbelievable number like "oh I want to lose TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY POUNDS." 80 pounds is doable. I can do this and I will. I will be a sucess. I will I will I will. I will fit into them size 14 Levi's shorts this summer!!!!! LOL So what's the "hard" part???? This is........ This week I have noticed that I can eat again. Well, alot better. I now have eatin' a WHOLE toasted sandwich. Nothing else. But that still is alot for me. I don't usually eat breakfast. My pouch don't like early meals, but Friday, I ate part of a turkey sandwich for breakfast, had lunch and dinner. Got on the scale Sat. morning and I GAINED 5 damn pounds. I was sooo upset. Well, they are gone now. I'm not going to beat myself up about it. At this point, I want to lose 10lbs a month and so far I'm good for this month. Tonight I went back to excersise. This is something that I must do for ME. I putting myself back in check. I'm number one right now. I must keep a positive attitude, excersise, say NO to Carbs and make good choices for me. I'm so sorry for this long post. I'm being very honest on how I feel and what this is like. Thanks for Listening!!! Carmella

Carmella, Please don't beat yourself up about this. We all have had bad days and even weeks. I have only lost about 5-7 pounds since june. I have cried myself to sleep and I have gotten mad with myself for falling back into the same routine before the surgery. But this is a new year. I still have about 140lbs. to go before I have reached my goal.. I will do this, I will succeed....And so will you. I had my surgery October 12, 2004. I weighed 450lbs. I am currently 315lbs. Am I upset that I have not done what is best for me? HELL YES!!! Have I gotten back in the swing of things and do what I need to do to reach my goal? Hell Yes! Will you reach your goal? I believe you will. But its up to you. We here on this forum are here for you and will continue to be there during the good and bad times. Stay strong and all will be fine. Erica

Carmella YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION!!! Please don't feel that you aren't succeeding!! You have proved that there is hope for us pre-oppers... You can do it!!! Get back up on that bike and hit the trail!! {{{BIG HUGS}} Jamie

Glad you are back on the wagon...Keep positive and you will succeed. We are not perfect all the time and yes we will have set backs but if we learn from them we can gain control and move to a better place in our lives. I came from the land of the 400's and I don't ever want to go back there. I am 19 months out and let me tell you I know I can eat like a normal person now...and definitely not liking it but this is what I have to learn to live with....so I must adjust and adhere to exercise, portion control, and keeping focused. I have about 60 lbs to go for goal. Will I make it...I hope so....If I don't will I beat myself up...No. But I will be grateful to what I have accomplished and I will try to keep the scale from going up. Its hard. I totally understand how you feel. Debbie

Hi Carm, Its good to see you back posting. Stop beating yourself up. Here is my 2 cents, but it probably isnt worth more then a penny LOL. You can eat more as time goes on. That is normal. You also need to eat 3 meals a day and 2 snacks. That is healthy. Also, at this point in time, 10lbs a month is a lot of weight. I am only losing 2 to 3 pounds a month. It is a slow and steady race. Dont set yourself up to fail, just eat healthy and exercise and you will lose what you need to. It doesnt have to be quickly, just steady. Eating a whole sandwich is fine. You are not eating a big mac or fries, just a sandwich. That is what "normal" thin people eat. This is a way of life now and you need to stop jumping on yourself for doing what is normal. Set a realistic goal, and work towards it, and even baby steps will get you to the finish line. You are doing terrific, just think positive thoughts. It is not easy, but being a SMO for the rest of your life is harder. You are not alone in this, we are all going thru different stages of this WLS and have either been there and done that, or we are on our way. Just look at your pictures and that tells the story. I have bones now too. I cant believe that the seat belt in my car actually hurts my collar bone. I didnt even know I had a collar bone. I have bones in my hands and butt now too. It is amazing. I still have about 40 or 50lbs to go, but I am trudging along, eating as healthy as I know how to. The hard work is paying off, but life is just not easy, so if you want to accomplish something you have to work for it. Just hang in there Carm, it will get better. Hugs, Soos

Carmella, Im so happy to see you back here posting again! Its been so long since youve posted... You shouldnt wait so long when something is wrong- we might not have all the answers but we care and offer as much advice as we can.. There really isnt anything I can say that hasnt been said already.. You know what you have accomplished up to this point, and you know what you need to do to make it to goal.. You are strong enough to take control of everything that is going on- You can make it to your goal!! I can totally relate to the lack of exercise. I dont even want to admit how long its been since Ive used my treadmill. It was long enough that I actually had to dust it before I could use it.. and if I hadnt seen that frown in my belly I probably wouldnt have gotten back on it now.. Do you best.. Thats all you can do.. And make sure you come back and let us know whats going on! We miss you! Amber

((((((CARM))))))) So good to see you! Huggs, Ruth

Carmella, We had our surgery about the same time and you've lost 17 lbs more then me to date. My surgeon tells me that at this point in the game it is normal to lose 6 to 8 lbs a month. So, keep that in mind. Exercising will help you feel like you are doing something towards this. It isn't easy, but, it is very rewarding. Start out easy and keep adding. You are gonna be skinny before you know it! We didn't get this way over night, we can't get thin over night either. Being patient is very hard for me, so I do understand where you are coming from. We just need to keep on keeping on! Lori 384/260.5/168

Carmella, Don't beat yourself up ... you're exactly where you're supposed to be ... this is not a cake walk, and now we're at the point where we really have to work. Do NOT think you're alone in what you're going through ... I've been going through it myself for a couple of months now. It's scary. And maddening. But, you're right in that this is where we sit down with ourselves and recap what all we've been through and decide if we're tough enough and determined enough to get all the way to goal. Eating has become more normal for me too, although I still don't eat breads, rices, pastas, sugar ... the real no-nos ... I do notice hunger more than I did, and have to fight the tendency to "graze" on even healthy snacks. And carb hunger has been riding my back terribly for the last 3 weeks. I've really had to substitute activity for being still, in order NOT to eat what I'm not supposed to. My exercise routines are pretty regimented ... because I joined classes that meet at set times during the week, and I've pretty much gotten my routine worked out around those now. Because I had to go to physical therapy (for my back) I was able to get into a "charted" work-out course there, and that pretty much *makes* me show up, because they call me if I don't, wondering if I'm sick or worse. I joined the Y's aquatic class three mornings a week (and if I don't show, the ladies call me checking up), and I'm doing an additional aquatic at therapy two times a week with a supervisor who shames me if I don't show (nicely, but I get the message! LOL). And I found that my local hospital sponsors a self-paced, supervised exercise class (same person supervises this) three times a week for free, so I enrolled there too. I just basically put myself into situations where I *HAVE* to go or someone will "call me on it" if I don't, something I would have TOTALLY AVOIDED before. But I knew if I didn't I'd find some reason not to exercise. Maybe if you did something like this it would help? Take heart, friend, I know what you're going through, and you are NOT alone! I'd guess all of us who are 8 mos to almost a year out are fighting the same problems. I'm 10 months out on the 30th, down from 442 to 281 ... so I've still got alot to lose to get to my goal. I don't look at the whole amount left at all ... I simply aim for 25 lb goals, and right now I've only got 5 lbs left on my current 25lb goal (to weigh 275) and when I get there, my next goal will be 250. It really does help me to do it this way, because I know I can lose 25 lbs, it's thinking I've still got over 100 left to lose after all this time that will undermine me. And the weight definitely comes off slower and slower now. Keep on keeping on, Carmella. Look what all you've achieved!!! We're with you! Myra

hi carmella: i think it's so cool that you posted as you did. and i've read through all the replies, too. i pretty much feel as you feel and am having many of the same issues. the rest of the responses are equally easy to identify with. i guess we really are all in the same boat - thank goodness we can all float together. anyway, thanks again for the post. good luck. dorthe