I've Got Those "I Dont Know Where I'm Going............

.....but I'm going nowhere in a hurry blues". HELLO Everyone, I'm so depressed Everyday is a struggle to just not climb back into bed and pull the covers over my head. I'm going nowhere with my weight loss because I'm eating too many carbs and not exercising. I hate my life. I hate the way I look. I hate how old I am. I hate having too many people living here in this house. I hate not having food to comfort myself. I hate being depressed I hate my name. I hate my bald spot. i hate my saggy a$$. I hate that I'm such a complainer. I hate being a hater. Oh Yeah, I forgot to say...........I get soooooooooooooo depressed this time of year. Thanks for listening to my big fat crybaby self willby PS: and before you even ask.........I already made the appoinment with the shrink

((((((((Willby))))))) I was beginning to wonder what happened to you. Glad you posted. I really don't know what to say except....Everyone at one time or another has issues like you are having right now...I'm not saying that you are wrong for having these feelings..cause you aren't. From what I understand, with this surgery, we also "signed-up" for some major hormone freak-out episodes. I remember when my son James had his pysc eval. He was told that because he had been SMO most of his life..and lived with the humiliation and pain of being that way in a skinny world..that when he started to lose the weight, he could become very bitter and angry with others and the way he was treated. Believe me, I thought that statement was bogus. My son was so even-tempered and easy-going. I have witnessed the changes as my son has lost the weight, and I have felt some of the same feelings that you say that you feel too. Wls post-op seems to be soooo complicated at best. I thought I was prepared for the post-op mental-melt-down..but it really caught me off guard. I am glad that you posted about these feelings..we have all been there and here is the place to let it out. I really am a "closet rebel" I know I need to follow "the rules" but...I don't like to be told that I "have to" exercise or that I "have to" eat a certain way..that totally goes against my pychy(spelling?) I have to reword my mental thoughts to "choose" that healthy snack and to choose to get on that exercise bike cause that's what I WANT to do. I hope I didn't say anything to hurt your feelings...just wanted you to know that you are not alone. HugsGinger

Ginger((((((((((((((BIG BIG HUG)))))))))))) Thank you for the insight! Sometimes its all too much to think about, but I need to know that someone else is going through this too! willby

(((((((((((((((WILLBY)))))))))))))))) I know exactly what you mean sweetie. I am, (as most of us are at some point), right there with you. Some days are better than others. I definitely understand what Ginger said about her son feeling angry and bitter. That is sooooooooo me! Some days I just *growl* at people. As far as the time of year, the weather doesn't help much. It doesn't seem to know what to do... be winter.... be spring... Tease us with springtime temperatures and then snow the next day! All I can say is Spring is coming soon. Just a few more weeks! Hang in there. Huggs, Ruth

Ruth(((((((((((BIG GROUCHY HUG)))))))))))) Thank you so much for the support! This IS hard and sometimes I dont know how I'm going to deal with this the rest of my life. But at least it helps to know youre right there beside me! willby

((((((((((((((((((((((Willby))))))))))))))))))' Darlin, you can cry on our shoulders all you want!!! You should be receiving email soon. Hang in there! Theresa

Theresa(((((((((BIG HUG))))))))))))) Thank you for the ecard and the kind words. I need some soft cushy shoulders to cry on..........thanks for offering yours! willby

Hey Willby! Sorry you're having such a bad time.. Please try to remember it won't last forever... You'll have happy times again... real soon I bet. I can't say that I know firsthand about the post op depression... but I can listen to ya and laugh with ya and cry with ya and even make fun of ya... (just kidding) I've been going thru some bad times myself and it was YOU miss willby that sent me the wishy washy lovey dovey emails and made my day even when I was sure it could not be done... We're here for ya.. You're still my hero...

Hey WlsChk, At this point..........I'll even take someone making fun of me (and youre the master). Thank you so much for your support.....(you even got an emoticon out of me) willby

Okay first let me say Willby was that cute bracelet from you??? THANK YOU SOOO MUCH you brightened my day!!! When I saw my Pyschiatrist on Monday he was saying that Many, Many doctors don't offer enough after surgery phych treatment. As obese people we encounter lots of criticism and most of us aren't used to speaking up for ourselves and standing up for what we think is right. Now after surgery we get a renewed sense of self and aren't sure how to deal with it and sometimes tend to bite people's heads off trying to make a point. He said it is VERY important to get involved in some type of support group. Unfortunately my insurance will pay for surgery but not for support group...go figure. I think I get TONS and TONS of support here but I think I might look into going to a support group at the hospital here. I've been told the emotional part of surgery is what few people are prepared for and that is why he tries (my psych) to make it a big part of his meetings. He wants his surgery patients prepared mentally as well as physically. Willby hang in there and try to get into some type of support group in your area. We are all here for you anytime you feel like you need to talk. Me being pre-op can't exactly say I know what your feeling but it doesn't mean I won't listen....we're in this together!! As for too many people living at your house...well my mom was dealing with the same thing and basically said her health was more important and gave them ALL the boot and recently was able to STOP taking her high blood pressure medicine..lol. Now about the age..my grandma says love it or take the alternative and I guess I'll love it..lol. You are a BEAUTIFUL person!! You know how I know that?? Because you give of yourself each and everyday to us and to your family! AND You have a big heart... {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs from your smo sister}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Jamie