My sister is having surgery

Hello, This is a little off topic.. but I was wondering if any of you had some insight into what to say to someone who is going to have a hysterectomy. My little sister (10 years younger) is having that surgery next week. She has had nothing but trouble with her "lower region" since she hit puberity (can we all relate?) Endometrosis and the whole gambit of stuff. Her husband past away last May with brain cancer..they were married for 18 years..they never did have any children. She says that she is too old to have a child anyway...but she is sooo loving and I know that her heart aches that she was never able to have one of her own. She is totally putting a "brave face" on...but I know that this is going to be a tuff time for her ahead. Those of you that have had that procedure....what kind of thing did friends say to you that were expecially thoughtful??What kind of things..should a person NOT say?? This has been such an emotional time for her and I plan on being with her while in the hospital..cause she was right there with me for the whole 2 weeks when I had wls. I want to be the supportive sister but don't know what to say. Any ideas?? HugsGinger

Ginger, I had to have a hysterectomy 2 1/2 year ago for endometrosis also. I was going to a fertility clinic to try to have a child. I know how your sister feels to the world you say it is no big deal I was 44 at the time so I also used the I am to old anyway. and then there is the I am to heavy too that I used. I was fine up to the door to the surgery suite then I lost it. I was so bad they let my husband go into the waiting room with me to wait until I was going into the surgery room you might see if you can do that. There is really nothing you can say just be there. Let her cry if she needs to and by all means do not let her be "stupid" like i was and try to do it with the help of medications after surgery I did not want to do hormone replacement due to the risk of breast cancer being so hi so i went without anything BIG MISTAKE..There are other medication she can use I am now on Lexapro and it works great takes the hot flashes and all away and balances out the chemicals in your body. So have her talk to the surgeon about that if she is worried about the hormone treatment. Also after surgery I was fine for about a month or so then I fell apart again so watch for that. I had a good friend that would just pop in with a burger or something for lunch on a day they knew i would be home and that helped to know all will be ok. We would laugh cry and enjoy. Also do not worry about talking about people and there babies I had a few people that thought they were being nice not telling me about someone being pregant or someones baby that did this or that. Just go on with the normal day to day stuff but look for the depression. or the need to just cry we all know it is better to cry with someone than alone. If I can help you at all please feel free to email me. Do tell your sister if she has a computer too that I would be glad to chat with her. I am having my wls on March 15th so I will be out of the loop for that one week but if i can help I am here. God Bless Priscilla

Hi Priscilla, Thank you sooo much for your response to my post about my sister. I knew that you gals out there could really give me the insight on what to do in this situation. There are so many emotions going on in her life right now. Little things can set her off..Ever since her husband died we have all walked on egg-shells around her. We have tried NOT to say things like,"I'm dead tired" or "My shoes are killing me" stuff like that... we have also tried to warn her about movies that the character dies. She watched the movie"Jersey Girl" with Jennifer Lopez..and was totally freaked out because J-Lo's character dies. She said that if she had been warned ahead of time, she would had been o.k. with it. I know that treating her with kid-gloves isn't the answer though. I'm gonna take your advise and just stay with her, and let her cry when she needs to. I think I'm more nervous about her surgery then I was about my wls. I'm sending you my prayers and good wishes as your wls approaches! ThanksGinger

Ginger, Do you know if she is going to have it vaginally? I hope so, the healing is so much easier! I had to have a complete hysterectomy vaginally in July 2004. The breast cancer drugs I take turned my uterus pre-cancerous. So, for me, it wasn't too emotional, I just wanted it out of there. If she gets her ovaries taken out, the hardest thing is adjusting to the hormone changes. This is hard. I was never motivated to have children, so that wasn't a problem for me either. Guess I'm not too helpful, huh? Anyway, I wish her luck! Lori

Hi Lori, I think my sister said that her surgery is going to be a "bikini-cut" like a c-section. Right now, my sister is in such pain, that she is looking forward to getting the whole thing taken out. She has missed so much work already because of the pain. Thanks so much for your insight! HugsGinger

Hi Sandra, Thanks for the great advise! I love your term "the red demon" I'd never heard that one before. My sis might enjoy being reminded of the perks of her new situation..like saving $ instead of buying...you know, the supplies. HugsGinger

Hey Ginger, I haven't had the hysterectomy yet but I am facing it. The surgeries I've had down there have made me sterile. The one thing that helped the most was when my best friend in the whole world said "Having kids ain't all it's cracked up to be... it's a job 24/7!" Her brutal honesty was brought on by a bad day but it did make me realize there's a downside to having kids as well....The thought of a baby smelling all baby fresh and being so lovey dovey is enough to break my heart.. and seeing how some kids act makes me grateful that I don't have one. Plus no responsibilities and no worrying about screwing up some kids life... As for the wrong things people have said... My DH loves to say things when we argue.. "Just because you can't have kids doesn't mean you can treat me like one" that's his latest favorite line. I agree with everyone else.. just let her talk and be there for her.She's so lucky to have you!! AND I am the world's greatest aunt OK so I am really good at spoiling the neices and nephew and they know it Maybe getting her a puppy or kitten after she recovers a bit to keep her company?? I have a friend that "adopted" a dalmation and later adopted a couple of kids.. that dog is way more spoiled than the kids ever thought of....