scared, do i really want to do this?

I am in the process of my surgery , and i am scared to death ,i have 2 beautifull lil girls ,4 and 7, and i have had alot of health problems since i was 15. i am now 23 and weigh 356 pounds.I know i cant lose the weight on my own ,and I thought i really wanted this surgery ,which would be the open RNY,because of my previouse surgeries they have to do it open ,but the closer it gets the more scared i get ,and now i dont know if i want to go on with this ,i have this bad feeling inside that wont go away , and i try to be positive but i just cant ,and im not really a religous person ,so its really hard to tell my self i will be ok,and i dont know what to do . i dont have much suport about this besides my husband he sais what ever i want to do is what he wants ,but my mom and the rest of the family keeps saying ,oh no dont do it ,u can lose weight ,just try harder, and that they are afraid that i will die if i have the surgery , but i know they are just scared because i have had a really hard time with my health ,and they have almost lost me to many times , sometimes i just think well its not so bad like i am , but i know im going to get worse so I guess my question is how many other people feel like this ? I want to go in there knowing that i am 100% sure but im not sure i can. I need advise on what to do about this , im so scared i really want to feel good about this .

Hi I hope I can help . I am 3 days away from surgery and I have asked my self the same questions. Here is what I did to be sure. Make a list of pros and cons if you do not loose weight how sure are you that you will be around to see your children wed and have children. If you have the surgery and loose weight are these chances higher? If you do not have the surgery, have you done everything you possible can to give yourself quality of life and your children the quality of your life? Have you shown your children that no matter how hard something is to do, that if you fight and do it you will become a better person? Can you play with your children the way you want to? Can you walk and do things you want to do easily? Answer these questions and ask yourself am I doing this for me? I know that is why I questioned myself so much I was doing it for me and for some reason doing stuff for us is the hardest thing to do ... We can do for others but we let other decide what is best for us. Family.... Well we all have some family or friends we think of as family that do not agree with what we are doing. There again we have to do what is best for us.... We can handle a lot of things in life ups downs children being sick fights in our marriage .... But doing for me is the hardest thing we will ever do... I hope this helps some. Also you say you are not religious? Do you not in your own heart every day ask God to keep your children safe, to help you watch over them? Being religious doesn't mean running to church twice a week. It means knowing there is someone up above that wants what is best for you. Wants your health and safety. I do not go to church either but I know that God is above helping us keep our country free, our families safe, and our hearts full of love for life and each other. Feel free to email me anytime at [email protected] just put obesity help in the subject so I do not delete it. I will be gone next week for my surgery but I will be home either Friday or sat. And also know you can ask any questions you want to ask and I will help all I can but I will not make up your mind for you.... You have to answer the questions yourself. Good luck and God bless priscilla open ryn March 15,2006

hi Christal, I too felt the same way you did back in October and November. I weighed the pros and cons of the situation and then decided I was going to do this for me and my kids. I called my grandma a couple of weeks prior to surgery and told her and I was crying and terrified of death and not being here for my kids. Granted neither she nor I are very religious people, but she told me that if God wanted me then he would take me when he was ready and there was nothing I could do about it. So I did do some praying and kept what my grandma said in the back of my mind. The most difficult thing I did was write letters to my husband and my 3 boys, and that was so hard it still hurts when I think about it. Now I've been through surgery with no major complications, and as of this morning I am down 90lbs and I work full time on my feet my entire shift and where I work we don't get "breaks" for lunch or anything you just take a couple of minutes here and there. Prior to surgery I could never had stood on my feet for that long. Hope this helps you out and feel free to email me if you wanna chat. Take care, Anita

Hi Crystal, I just want to say that what you are going thru is normal. I personally didnt feel that way, but many young people that I have helped thru this process have felt like you do. At your young tender age, it is smart to take care of the problems now. The older you get, the worse your health will get and the bigger the risks get. The surgery has improved so much over the last few years. The more surgeries the Drs perform, the better they get, and so does the technology. Your doctors wont operate on you if they think there is a possiblity of something unusal happening. There is a risk with any surgery, BUT, if you dont take care of yourself now there is more of a chance you wont make it to a ripe old age. I ended up being over 400lbs when I had surgery, but at your age I was under 200lbs. That should tell you something. Please take care of yourself now before you become bedridden or have health issues because of obesity. I wish I would have had this surgery years ago. I am 19mos out and down 178lbs. I am also 50 years old, and now I feel 30 again. Please feel free to email me and ask anything. Being scared is ok and normal. Just do what YOU want to do and not what your family and friends think you should do. I have talked to many people that had Dr Duncan and heard he is terrific. Best of luck to you. Hugs, Soos

Hi Christal, All I wanted to add is this... I know it's normal to have doubts and fears about the surgery. I have had them myself and I know several post ops who were in your shoes right before their date. That aside.. ONLY YOU can make this decision...and if you honestly in your heart of hearts feel it's not the right time or the surgery is not for you then don't be afraid to change your mind. We are here to support weight loss.. not just the surgery. No one will judge you or think poorly of you if you decide to cancel... Like I said this is your decision... We're the cheering section no matter what!!

Christal(((((((((((((((BIG HUG)))))))))))) DO IT!!! I felt exactly the same way youre feeling. I pursued this surgery from january until october last year. And the day of the surgery I tried to change my mind. I called my family into the pre-op rooom and told them I was calling it off. My husband , daughter, and son reminded me of how the WLS was all I could think about the previous 10 months. I was scared. And I, also, am not a religious person. I wasnt so much afraid of dying as I was of leaving my best friend(food) behind. It was very very rough for the first month post-op............but now, I have lost about 80 pounds and I feel great. Of course, I am not a dumper..........so I am still facing the daily battles with food.But I cannot physically eat the amount I did before........and that seems to be enough. GIRL!!! I am 49 years old and I can only think of how much happier and healthier i could have been if I had this surgery when I was 23!!! I know youre scared..........I was scared too..........but it is SOOOOOOO worth it! Please let me know what you decide and take care!! willby

Christal, I am a nonop. I consider myself to be the exception who proves the rule. Your concerns are expressed on this board so often that I have a standard response: I am not interested in talking someone into or out of WLS. It is a very personal decision that requires careful research. It also requires that you be perfectly honest with yourself. Here are some questions from a nonop perspective: Will you be able to maintain a way of eating that includes strict calorie counting? Are you willing to be hungry for weeks or months? Will you be able avoid overeating during stressful times? Family celebrations? Holidays? Parties? Restaurants? Will you maintain a vigorous, time-consuming and probably expensive exercise program for the rest of your life? Even when you don't feel like exercising? Even when it rains? Even when it snows? Even when it's 100 degrees outside, or 10 degrees outside? Even when everyone else in the gym looks thin and fit and fabulous in their size 2 spandex bike shorts and you feel like a cow in your size 26 sweats? Losing weight without surgery means I don't have a tool that can restrict how much and what I eat. It means there is nothing but my willpower that keeps me from eating a pound of chocolate-covered raisins or drinking a gallon of eggnog. It means I have to do what virtually everyone on this site says they can't do without surgery. You might want to visit the nonop board: http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/member-interests/non_postops/ Best of luck. Kasey 365/210 (nonop)