My relationship with food

The sad thing is that some days I sit there at the dinner table with my family (I don't live at my parent's house, I just go over there for dinner) and I stare at their plates and think, "Man, I wish I could eat that much mashed potatoes! Shoot, that turkey with gravy looks AMAZING! What was I thinking getting this surgery?!!?!" I realize now that I think that way because I am still a newbie. (Had surgery 2-22) And that's okay. I am dealing with my food demons, too, but, hey, I'm dealing with them. They tell me in support group that after a while you don't feel that or think that you HAVE TO eat that plate of whatever it is you used to eat the most of. I have a friend that ran from her food demons, and she's having the hardest time keeping her weight down. She will drive 3 hours to get to a restaurant just because she heard it has good wings or soup or whatever. I MUST deal with my food demons and attitudes toward my ex-friend, Food, or else I will be right back where I was before surgery. I long for the day when I can look at their plates and NOT think, "I wish I could have their portions!" And I want to be able to look them in their EYES and pay more attention to the conversation, than shoving food in my mouth! And you know what? It REALLY grosses me out to hear some of them CHEW! I mean, I am repulsed by the sound of chewing now! I'm sure I sounded like that before surgery, but sometimes I have to leave the room or do something else so I don't toss the contents of my pouchie! *deep inhale and slow exhale* Thanks for letting me vent. You guys are the best! Jen Halliday P.S. On the plus side, I went to my surgeon's office today so I could weigh myself.....I don't have a scale and I would rather just go there so I don't weigh myself all the time. I weigh 279 #, an overall loss of 53 and 42 since the day of the surgery! WOO-HOO!! That's what makes it worthwhile, eh?

Jen I will be having surgery really soon in about 3 weeks. I have been concerned about this issue and I am glad you brought it up. I am trying to do a liquid diet right now just to gear myself up to the changes that must take place. I know you will be a success just keep focused. Look how far you have come now. I will pray for you. Lorraine

Lorraine, Oh, I just can't get over your screen name! "A Child of the Most High King"!! I am one, too! It's just such an awesome thing to see that! Hey, congratulations on your upcoming surgery!! May the hands of God bless and guide your surgeon's hands. Jeremiah 29:11 says: "For I know the plans I have for you....plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I held on to that verse and Philippians 1:20b: "...now as always Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by my life or by my death." Psalm 56:3 - "When I am afraid, I will trust in you. What more can I do?" I just grabbed right on to these verses and reminded myself during the stay in the hospital that God had me safe. And if I had died, then great; I would be in the presence of the Creator of the Universe! But I didn't die, so by my life, may I continually magnify God! Doesn't mean there won't be trials and tribulations, but no one said life was going to be problem-free. I use those times (times like yesterday!!) to teach me and allow me to learn. That's when I grow and honor God. Jen Halliday P.S. Today is a MUCH better day! I am clear-headed and much better.

My Sister, Truly I have been blessed by what I read today. I know that the God I serve is working in you. I thank you for the scriptures you have given me as a reminder of the promise God has given to me. I thank him for that ray of sun shine he let beam from you to me. May God continue to bless you and keep you. Please remember me in your prayers as I will you. God bless. Lorraine

Jen, you are not alone. I know I can't eat it all, and really am not upset I can't.... but I usually say that out loud a few times a week. Sometimes stuff just tastes so good, you wish for more, but it doesn't really bother you that much that you can't have more. However, some things you just wish you could have a bunch. You'll be ok.

Jen, I do understand where you're coming from. My main problem is PASTA!! I love it, and will not bring it back into my house at this time on this journey of mine to weightloss and good health. If it's Mac&Cheese, Pasta Salad, ect..... It's not my friend at this moment. That is the only food I'm having major issues with. I'm not gonna give into it again! It slow's my weightloss down. I've got to reach my personal goal and I have such a long way to go. I'm taking baby step's though. I wish you and all the other's the best!! Ev

When I read your post a couple of things came to mind. Why do you go over to your folks to eat when you are feeling particularly vulnerable or when they are having something you really like? You can serve yourself the same portions they do, but before you are halfway through You have a choice and you made a good one. It will get easier, I promise. Hugs, Loris

Loris, I go over there to eat because we have family time at dinner. (I'm 28 and I still like to go over there!) My mom has always liked it when the whole family (whenever possible) can get together for dinner. However, she hasn't made a menu in a while, so it's difficult to know what she's making sometimes. Quite often, it's really last minute. The day I was speaking of, I had half a cooked baby carrot, an ounce of mashed potatoes, and an ounce of low sodium ham salad. It was a delicious dinner! I'm learning. It's slow-going, but I didn't expect this journey to be a walk in the park! No one said life was going to be problem-free, right? However, every day I am making better choices. Yesterday, just happened to be a seriously emotional day, where I cried at everything and nothing! Hey, thanks, Loris, for your reply! Hugs to you, too! Jen Halliday 332/321/279

That sounds like an extra tiny meal. Maybe if you ate a little more at meals you would be more satisfied. Loris

Jen, You are doing great! Nothing tastes as good as thin feels! Once you have really started putting some months between you and the surgery, you will really understand that! It gets easier. You will be able to eat foods you like, you will eat less, but, that is the idea! Hand in there and keep doing great! Lori 384/245/168