HAPPY THURSDAY CALIFORNIA

Morning! I haven't been posting too often on the AM thread because I just haven't felt like it.  You know, one of those things. Anywhooooooooooooooo....hope everyone has a fantastic day and remember to keep on smiling! I am going to make like a banana and split.  (hey, if you can use the Seacrest bit, I can do one too)  lol Love ya!

Jillie-Thanks so much for the offer, it means the world to me.  There has been a lot of resolution to my current depressions issues as of last night and I am hoping that it will only get better from here.  That and Cymbalta does work wonders as well as Doxepin (sp) for the insomnia.  Negative people are such a hard thing to deal with (and even harder when it is your own family) hopefully you will get some measure of resolution with this soon.  Thursday is here, only one more day to work and then another weekend is here.  I will probably have to take work home this weekend to finish balancing for the month but that is okay.  Steven is talking about going to bike to Cannery Row this weekend, personally I know that I can't go that far (NOT YET) so I will stick to around town.  Did my treadmill work out this morining and although it is a daily struggle to do it I know that I have to.  Hope all have a good day,  Sharon

Morning Jillie and Cali >>> Yes and No I'm not looking forward to graduation yes I want to to graduate but shes my one and only little girl whos growing up so fast ,,but I guess its time she moves on with her life and makes decisions she has to live with shes know I'm by her side always,,, Thanks for the message from Bobby I will tell Jason ,, If he moves down here that would be great hes a very nice guy ,,, Its great to see you on the morning post and that doggie is so cute ,, It looks beautiful outside I hope it stays nice I'm wearing a dress and its sleeveless and need to stay warm ,,, well back to work ....Have a great day! >>> *Christine*    

Good morning Jillie and all the crew You are Janine are definitely the bestest posters around....I live for the daily updates and summaries.....glad you are getting the help you need - hang in there girl.  I can't help with the parent issues though....my parents were the best, never any problems and they were always there for my sisters and I (although I bet my oldest sister would beg to differ....but thats a whole other issue). Hey if you ever get down to this area on a weekend you better make it on a LB coffee weekend so we can all meet you in person.  And if not, then we will do one of our famous "impromptu" gatherings . have a great day everyone...I am off to the mall pretty soon with a girlfriend then out to lunch.... Hugs to all And Jillie - thanks so much for the compliments.....

Good Morning Jillie & The Beautiful Cali Crew No I didn't do anything bad on my Birthday yesterday, except that I had a Margarita that was full of sugar.  It had more syrup than alcohol.  I started sweating and feeling faint.  Then, I felt like I had to the and  It was not a good feeling. My body still can't take sugar.  I guess that's a good thing.  I couldnt do too much celebrating seeing as it was the "middle of the week."  I will be baaaad this weekend. Well, onto toxic parents.  My mom still hasn't forgiven me for practically running away when I was a teenager and getting married.  For the most part I did it to get out of her house.  As a matter of fact, I know thats why I did it. I call my mom the "dream killer."  Since, I've gone back to college and have almost come full circle with my life she has been nothing but negative.  She has been negative my whole life! Its funny because I have a huge extended family, but I'd rather have the friends that I have in my life right now.  My best friend took me out for my birthday yesterday and she was BROKE! No money!  She always puts forth an effort to make my life and my kids lives so much better.  One of my sisters text me Happy Birthday, but said I was only entitled to that and no gift(ex. a drink at a bar, etc).  My other sister, the one that I thought I was closest to didn't send a well wish at all.  I had to text her and remind her.  I was pretty hurt by that.    Its so funny that neither of my sisters likes any of my friends (who they barely know).  However, my friends treat me 200% better than they do.  My mom called and wished me a Happy Birthday. I didn't answer the phone because I can't listen to any negative crap especially, not on my B-day.  For the most part I don't answer my moms phone calls cuz I can't deal with whatever she's gonna say. I have in the past confronted my mom about how she raised me, etc... Of course, she denied everything and put it on me.  Yes, I got it off my chest, but it just made it that much more stressful to be around her. I hate that she thinks that she knows me.  I have spent most of my life trying to be the OPPOSITE of my mom to the point of self destruction.  Not good!  Everything I do, I'm thinking in my head, "my mom didn't do this" or "mom hasn't done this," or "I'm gonna show her and the rest of my family that I'm not like her!"  What a way to live my life.  I wasn't living it to please myself.  I don't talk to my dad.  I never really did. He lives in Texas and has his own family.  Do I feel guilty about "trying" to stay clear of my mom and not talking to my dad.  Yes!  But, for now it works for me because I am on a mission.  Plus, they are stuck in the past.  Yes, I have gone to therapy over mostly my mom.  I should have stayed in it, but something always got in the way(like life). This is definitely a subject to be in therapy over for some years.  I need to go back.  I'm glad the fog depression is letting a little light in.  Kudos to you Jillie for taking control and talking about this with a professional.  I will be praying for you and pray that I go back Hugs 2 ya!

Hey there Jillie and Cali Crew......

I totally hear you on the depression thing AND the family thing.  I have to admit all the bad decisions in the way I've lived my life have been my own decisions......I'm still trying to figure out how to stop making not-so-good decisions.  And some of my "bad decisions" (I'm very sorry to admit) have affected my children, but I was doing the best I knew how at the time.....I shudder to think if I might be the "toxic" parent......please NO!!!

I saw my oncologist last week and got GOOD news....everything looks good.  And my hair is growing back in too.  I can go out pretty much without a hat now.  I'll now just go for a CA125 test once a month and see her every 90 days.  So I am definitely up for a celebratory visit to Las Vegas in September.  That'll give me time to save a little money too.  I have my high school reunion the first weekend in October......I was checking out the reunion website and all I can say is "those people look OLD!!!!"

You're right about all the shrinking people here on the boards.....I have to do a double take when they change the pictures on their avatar.  Everyone is really working their tool.

And yes please, Monica and Janine, keep those baby pictures coming......

Have a great Thursday everyone.....

 

So glad, for your happy news! re: your health
I continue to pray for you
Love you
Lynnie

Thanks, Lynnie!!!!  The power of prayer is totally awesome......I thank everyone .

Hi Jill, It's great to hear that things are progressing for you. Even though we haven't talked this week, you've been in my daily prayers. As for the folks...I HAVE A LOT OF EXPERIENCE WITH THIS. Somewhere around my early 20's my therapist suggested I tell them to shape up or ship out. My father is has undiagnosed manic depression (but there's no doubt). He also suffers from un-addressed panic attacks. He was very strict with us as kids and ruled with his fists and feet. He's also a control freak and NOTHING we do pleases him. If I go to see him for the full day, he laments all day that we're not staying the night. If I stay the night, he laments the fact that it is so hard to say goodbye.  He abuses my mom (now only verbally), and therefore, my mom has never been there for us either.  That's kind of them in a nutshell anyway. Well, coming from a hispanic culture/christian culture, the thought of kicking my parents to the curb was simply not an option for me (in my early 20's anyway). But I knew the control our relationship had over me was allowing me to remain 'sick'.  So what I did was redefine our relationship (in my mind - confronting a person like my father would do more harm than good--especially for my mom). So I accepted the fact that I would never have parents (not in the nurturing, supportive sense). I accepted them as the human beings who raised me and still look to me for companionship and comfort. They're also children of God. Doing that liberated me from looking for their acceptance. I also accepted the fact that my father could never again hurt me physically. The ball was in my court so to speak. It took years for me to work through that, but now (20 years later), I do what I can to nuture our relationship on my terms and if it is not good enough...that's tough for them. I know in my heart that I'm being the daughter that God intended me to be, even if my parents never see it or appreciated. Remember what we talked about before? Not all rewards are here on earth!  So that's the long and short of it. This may not be your path, but I hope it helps to see one way of dealing with things. Big hugs, Rachel

Been there, done that with depression, too.  Mine came from a shooting spree at work in 1988.  I started therapy right away, and dang if it wasn't mostly about my relationship with my parents and how I had been raised.  I've come to the conclusion that most people in therapy go through a stage of blaming their parents for all of their problems and being very angry and bitter.  Then, if they keep with the therapy, they eventually come to see that the parents had their own problems, and were indeed trying their best.  It can then finally be possible to redefine your relationships, without expecting them to change.  Because the bottom line is that they won't change - the therapist just gives you ways to modify your expectations and behavior so that their negativity or explosive anger or... or... or... don't affect you and set off the old triggers.  For me, I blamed my Mom for having an affair when I was in elementary school and tearing the family apart.  There was a whole lot of subsequent ugliness that happened that made me grow up very quickly.  It wasn't until after I could let that aside, that my Mom and I were able to talk about what her life had been like with my Dad, and her relationship with her parents.  I could see some of why she thought she was doing the best for us.  Earlier, when I was so angry with her, I wasn't ready to listen.  I feel like maybe I'm just rambling, but I hope that helps somewhat.  The key is that they won't change, so you have to redefine your expectations so that they aren't so good at rattling your cage when they pull the same negativity stuff.  Eventually it becomes " like water off the duck's back" - meaning that their behavior no longer affects your wellbeing. - Carol