My theory on people noticing me more now...

I just read the post from Drena and thought I'd post my theory... I know some people out there are just plain shallow but not this many people. Some people that are greeting me with a nice smile and a 'hello', or 'good morning', etc., and holding doors open or starting up a conversation for no reason in the line at the grocery store. You know, the nice people that weren't there a few months ago . I think, as far as my experience goes, that a lot of these people are being this way because we are more approachable now. I know I almost always walked around without a smile on my face, quite often a downright frown, with my posture kinda slumped and if you think about it...that's not somebody I'd want to interact with because they don't look like they want to be interacted with. But now...now I walk with my shoulders back, my head up and sometimes a straightup smile on my face. Now doesn't that sound more approachable? I hope this helps. Not everyone is shallow but also sometimes certain places and atmospheres attract a higher percentage of the shallow ones. When at these places try not to let them bother you, it will only make you bitter. Turn it around and use the experience as a reminder that you are a better person. Hold you head high and smile...we are beautiful people inside and out! Sancy

I've talked with my therapist about this. He thinks I am way more approachable now. He says the way I sit and walk and look him in the eye is totally different from when he first met me... I'm more open. Of course, he puts a positive spin on everything. Jeanie

You have a good point. Being SMO, I can't always be "on", but I do try to project confidence when I am out. Since I suffer from chronic depression, my quiet times at home are my refuge. A dear (tiny) friend once astounded me by telling someone (in front of me, she wasn't trying to be catty), that I was the only fat person she knows who doesn't "act" it. That really drew me back...first of all, I didn't like being labelled a fat person (this was 60+ pounds ago)! Second of all, who wants to be lumped into any generalized category? My confidence comes from my intelligence, my positive outlook, my thankfulness for this life, however frustrating it may be at times...but I sure can't wait until the mirror reflects more of that inner beauty. For years, I wanted to "hide" from my childhood of abuse, and the pounds helped me do that. I guess I'm ready for wls, because for the first time, I feel like a "skinny person" trapped in a failing body.

Sancy- Very good points about how we approach the world. However, I do think the world is more comfortable overall with thinner people. A lot of people fear getting fat themselves and I think seeing a SMO person brings up some of that fear. That may be why not many people look fat people in the eye, etc. So, in my opinion it is a mixed bag. Valerie

Ok once again I feel like odd man out in some cases of this. Cause I have been told and know I am intimidating. I have always walked upright shoulders back. When I speak to someone its a set look to the eyes. Can't say I always had a smile on my face, alot of the time im lost in thought...lol. I think way to much. Yes more people approach me now, and its not because I have lost weight, but because I have a stronger confidence in myself . Yet in all reality people. We do it to ourselves weather we want to admit to this or not. We can try to "Blame" everyone else for short commings but in many ways we brought it upon ourselves. But we all most times, make ourselves not approachable or will dilberatly make a point to try to avoid speaking with someone. Why?? Because no confidence in yourself. This comes down to that shell that is built to keep from nasty words that are said from hitting us as hard. We feel less communication, less things we have to worry about. Cause its because we are afraid of what people are thinking of us as we walk away. (Ok I don't fall there, cause I don't care what other people think about me, call me a b***h and I'll thank you.lol) I had a close friend of mine tell me once, some girl asked him why he talks to me. That I am a very intimidating person (still am) my friend just laughed and said. You shouldn't judge someone so quickly. He goes she is one of the funest people I have ever met. It basically comes down to confidence. We always will feel inside like HOW AM I ANY DIFFERENT, but the difference is your proud of yourself. Thats the whole thing. Confidence is what makes that difference. Cause I have friends that arent rail thin, kinda heavy but not SMO, and don't have the greatest looks (like I looked better than them even at 400lbs, I know kinda mean but it is the truth). But have this over whelming confidence and never have a problem, but in the same token they go way overboard and just get annoying. Thing I notice is we have the chance and ability to balance out this stuff almost perfectly, because we know where we were and know where we are going. As I say though, don't blame all these other people. When blame is on both parties. Because not all these people are shallow, you just werent allowing yourself to be approached. Yeah there are some seriously shallow people out there, which you should know how to spot. But generalizing people that start sonversations with us now, that never did before as being shallow or such is truly pathetic if you ask me. Cause at that point we have become the shallow ones, not them. Ok sorry this is long and if it jumps a little but my mind runs faster than my hands. :P *~*Nicole*~*

This might explain why I'm not really experiencing people seeming to be more friendly now--other than a FEW that I KNOW are shallow. I always saw myself, in my mind's eye, as thin, so I always acted with confidence even when I was big. I would freak when I saw a photo of myself, cuz that was just not the ME that I saw at all. I guess you can say I was the Queen of Denial.....but anyway, that would explain it..... LeaAnn

You're like me, LeaAnn. If I encounter someone who doesn't have a smile, I always give them mine!