How common is friendship-loss after WLS???

I've heard that people who've lost a lot of weight often lose some friends after becoming thinner and healthier....whether it's a matter of jealously, or a perceived sense of competition with the newly thin person.  A friend of mine who lost around 60 lbs (without WLS) told me a few of her friends stopped calling her as often and didn't invite her out as much. They told her she had "changed" and she "wasn't the same person they used to know". I think that she probably did change in that she cared more about her health and her appearance and had more of a sense of self-esteem! These were obviously not good friends from the beginning but it took weight-loss on her part to bring their true colors to light. I think that they were more comfortable with the "fat girl" around because she didn't feel like competition to them. She was non-threatening and made them feel more attractive.  I'm curious how many of you have been treated differently in a negative way by friends, family, coworkers, etc since losing weight?? -Violet

I think it happens alot!  We do change, often times becoming more outgoing, which doesn't 'fit' the other persons 'needs' anymore.  Along with the jealousy factor - you just can't be everything to everybody.  And your success sometimes magnifies someone else's failure (or lack of success), making it difficult for them to be around you.  Fortunately I've lost 100lbs several times , so I think the people around me have become accustomed to it - and I change 'back' less and less each time!

I lost 1 friend & 1 cousin believe it or not. However you must know that they were agaisnt my having WLS from the very begining. They kept telling me I was crazy and did not need to have it done. Both by the way were under 120 #'s. Trust me. You will keep your best friends. I kept the rest without a problem.

And picked up some new ones in the bargain!!! Red

check out that new avatar!  Wow!

I have heard this can happen, but I guess it depends on who your friends were to begin with or what your relationship was based on.

I've been very fortunate as I've not had one friend be anything but happy for me and supportive of my journey.

I wouldn't worry about it too much, your true friends will be there for you no matter what and will be happy for you!!

Jillian

I think this is pretty common. After all, if you lose weight; who will be the heaviest person in the room?

Hi Guys, I have a friend who, although she is a lovely person, she keeps referring to me as "skinny" amd "tin ribs'. She is used to me being bigger and I think she is having trouble coming to terms with my weight loss. She keeps telling me not to lose anymore weight as i am starting to look drawn!! I just respond by saying that i am the best judge of how my weightloss is going and that I will know when the time has come to stop. i think though that in time, this friendship will either recover or hit the dust, only time will tell!! Anyway, the most important thing is that I AM HAPPY and feeling more confident and if others don't like it, then they are gonna have to kiss my skinny little A**!!! LOL Yorkiegal 

Be prepared, it does happen.  Most of us do become different after surgery, for me I know it's just being more accepting of myself and therefore more outgoing.  I don't feel the need to hide in my shell anymore and I smile at people more and look them in the eye and just have more confidence. It's definitely NOT that I think I look "hot" or ANYTHING remotely like that, it's just that I feel normal and my size just doesn't register in my every thought anymore as it used to (believe it or not, that day will come for you too and it is WONDERFUL!!).    I think some of my overweight friends feel that I've changed too much or we just no longer have that "biggest person in the room" thing in common.  Internally I'm still the same person, I just feel like I wasted so much of my life trying to fade into the background that now I want to really LIVE my life and it doesn't always fit with them anymore.   I do truly miss a few of the friends who've distanced themselves from me, and although I think it's unfair, I do understand their positions ---- even though I don't try to compare myself to them in anyway, my success in their eyes only amplifies their weightloss failures. It is really strange how people seem to feel the need to make excuses to me about their own weight or diets etc as if I'm judging them and I truly am not............I honestly wish they'd all just treat me as a normal person and leave my weightloss out of the picture but people who to me look like they've never even needed to be on a diet start detailing their weightloss/food habits/ etc. to me and I just don't get why...........I'm not the diet police - my surgery was MY choice and I wouldn't force it on anyone else but we can't control how others handle the changes we've made. Sorry to get so longwinded, this is just an issue that I'm dealing with a lot lately and I guess I needed to vent to others who've been here and to the ones who will be here soon. Best of luck to you though, your truest friends will still be there for you no matter what. 

Whew I've had a good amount of dealing in this. I've lost friends, more than I have remaining. Mainly because of jealousy, and because I now look better than all of them. So they no longer have the fat girl around to make them look good. And I KNOW that was the case because they started calling less and wanting to go out less. So ya know what **** ON UM! A few others....I myself purged them out of my life. I realized I didn't need users in my life, and such. I dont know why I bothered keeping them as friends pre WLS. I didnt go out much anyway. I know a few have stopped talking to me for other reasons. And that being Im not little miss go to with a problem anymore. Im frankly sick of it! I need to work on my own life, not worry about their **** ups, especially when alot of it was attention horing! Cause Primus forbid I ever had a need for help, I was always blown off. Then there was one person I used to work for *****ally tried to make themselves have complete control over you....including your personal time to...utterly rediculous. Needless to say I got into it with them one day, and haven not and WILL NOT speak to them anymore. I was so sick of their ****** superiority complex it was rediculous! As to family, UGH I have little repect of my dad's side of the family, grandmother excluded she was always good to me. It aint big anyway. And most of it came AFTER I had WLS. All of a sudden they are proud of me, no longer say snarky comments about my weight and a bunch of other BS. And my cousin miraculously wants to hang out with me now. Mainly because #1) We are both single #2) I look good and draw attention...especially since she has a real thing for country boys and KNOWS thats all I really know and hang out with. UGH! Had a co-worker at a previous job that OH BOY, did she start getting seriously jealous as I was loosing. I would get awsome comments all the time etc. Then she would go on about this personal trainer her mom got for her, as she was overweight but not by an extreme...maybe 40lbs. Well she is still with the old job and well hahaha I heard about how mad she got when she heard my now ex boss basically called me HOT. As I stopped by one day...basically on buisness. It was classic....just to bad she wasn't there herself when I was by that day. AH sweet justice, especially since she is pissed that I am also running a store for one of Michigans few companys still doing a good profit. It may have brought frustrations at the time, but now Im so much happier. You sure as hell find out who your friends are.