Telling Coworkers About Surgery

Tomorrow starts my last week at work before my surgery.  At this point, my boss and HR know that I'm going out for a "surgery", but I havent had to tell them any details beyond that.  My FMLA and disability have been approved.  However, I have a team of people that report to me, and I havent even told them I'm going out yet.  I plan to do that on Thursday.

I'm so on the fence about whether or not to share any details.  My concern is that this is not a good time to be gone from work at all.  With the stigma with WLS, I'm concerned I'll come across as selfish, or that I should have waited until next year, etc.  

I think what's on my mind is that I just hate bringing attention to myself and my weight problem (ok, I know...as if they cant tell I'm fat?).  Also, I think a little "fear of failure" is at play here too.  I know it's normal to feel this, but I still have in the back of my mind that I'll be the only one this doesnt work for, and will be humiliated that I put myself out there and it still didnt work. 

So, in a few months this will be a moot point because it'll be so obvious that I had surgery (hurray!), and they'll all know.  Was wondering how others handled the work aspect and how you handled any questions?

All this talk is the Fat Girl in me talking, the one who wants to blend in and please everyone....I know....but I'm still dreading how to handle it.

Thanks!!!

The company knows I'm having "surgery." My company has several locations and I don't see the majority of the other employees because of my particular schedule. I did end up telling the people I see everyday at work ONLY because I thought these specific people would be supportive and understanding (and 2 our of 3 of them are overweight themselves). They have been nothing but positive about my choice, and eager to hear my reasons for choosing the DS. One woman even sent her husband back to talk to me about the DS because he's interested in it himself now, based on things she went home and told him from our conversations. It's been great to have supportive people to share my excitement with. But I also feel a little stressed now that I know they'll be watching to gauge how successful I am afterward, after talking the DS up so much.

I have not told people in my personal life who I thought would not be supportive. I have not made in public knowledge in my circle of friends. Only my closest core group of friends know that I'm having surgery. At this point, I do plan on being honest if people notice the weight loss and ask me directly what I'm "doing." I don't want the WLS to be something I have to feel ashamed to admit to, especially if people are just going to gossip about it anyway. Being open takes away the power of their gossip. That being said, I don't think I'd jump to volunteer the info to some people who I know are hypercritical of overweight people. I think this is a question many WLS people struggle with.

Of course this is all personal choice, but I ended up telling more people than I thought I would.  I think for one, I wasn't sure how things were going to go, and how I would feel day to day.  My co-workers have been amazing and so supportive.  I work in a department that is 80% men, so that was kind of weird, but again, they have been awesome.  

Before surgery the only people who knew were my boss and my immediate family and my closest colleague at work. i told no one else for some of the same reason you stated mainly embarrassed and afraid of failure  I was lucky because since I'm a teacher I didn't see anyone for amount 2 months after surgery. By that time I really like my surgery and was very proud of myself and what I have accomplished.  I just ended up deciding that if people asked I would tell them the truth, I don't do well with lying or avoiding the truth:)  I have been very pleasantly surprised at how supportive everyone has been!  Honestly I also have got the attitude it is my body my life and if you don't like it you can kiss it and I love the knew me.  It is amazing the confidence losing 75lbs can have on you.  I refuse to live in shame for doing something to better myself and I have found if people are not supportive more than likely they are JEALOUS

 

Not that I have an opinion about this, but 

DON'T DO IT, 
DON'T DO IT, 
DON'T DO IT!

Even the best intentioned of your coworkers will drive you crazy.  ""Potluck Day?"  "Department Holiday Party?" will be a chorus of "Oh...can Tessy eat that?"  EVERY conversaton will be about your weight.*  And every bite you take will be scrutinized.  Every bite.  From now until you weigh almost nothing.  They WILL figure it out sooner or later.  Meanwhile...it's your appendix..and when he got in there, the gall bladder had to go, too..so recovery is going to take a while.

Sue


*My DS was four years ago and my sister JUST ASKED, "Now what about Thanksgiving?  What can you eat and what can't you eat?"  Four years.  Don't do it.

Tessy -- If  your workplace is like mine, there will never be a really *good* time to take off.   You are not being selfish.  You are  taking brave and decisive action to solve a difficult problem once and for all.  You are preserving your "human capital" for work and yourself for everyone that loves and needs you.

I wrestled with the question of who to tell, and surprised myself by telling lots of people at work.  My boss and colleagues have been supportive.  I don't doubt my future dietary choices will be scrutinized, but probably my past choices have been as well.  You don't lose and regain large amounts of weight repeatedly for years without expecting some behind-your-back commentary. This time, I hope the cycle will end at LOSE.

From your posts, you seem very level-headed.  You will know who, when and how to tell people. Trust that your true friends will continue to be your friends, and that the respect you've earned with your colleagues is real.   Good luck.  I'll be thinking about you, switch sister-to-be!
-- Lenore

I agree with Sue...Don't tell them!

I felt almost EXACTLY the same as you do & at first I only told my boss (& she told her boss). Eventually I felt comfortable enough to tell my immediate co-workers. Now, I'm thrilled to tell everyone! I would say 99.9% of the feedback has been extremely positive. A few folks are just clueless (not any of my friends, thank goodness). Since these workers report to you I would not share all the "details" - I would just reassure them that the surgery you need to have is not serious, but it's something your doctors want you to have taken care of right away, & finish by telling them you'll be back as soon as possible once your docs give the OK. Good luck on your upcoming surgery - you're going to do GREAT!

We never have a "good time" to take off of work and I suspect you do not either, espically as a team leader you never feel that you can be gone for long. Trust me, you are making a choice for the rest of YOUR life regardless of where your career will end up taking you. And I don't know that you need to share any details at this point.

I did tell my coworkers, however, they are also my best friends and helped care for the kids while I was gone. I work for a smaller company and there would have been no way around it so I squashed the gossip by spilling the beans up front. But, I could care less what they gossip about.

Good luck,
Michelle

When I finally do go for surgery I absolutely will not be telling my staff or peers at work.  It is none of their business and I do not want any nay-sayers raining on my parade.  If I change my mind later I can do so.