Telling Coworkers About Surgery

I am sort of struggling with the same thing. My boss and HR does know that I am having surgery, and also know what type of surgery. Of course I can take them to court if I found out they spilled the beans.

I was talking to my very close supportive Aunt, and she told me that I should go ahead and tell people, because I dont want my clients (who are HIV positive) to think I am as well.  This would be the reason they would think I am all of a suddened losing weight. I am not sure if I agree with that, but part of me  thinks maybe she is right.

My surgery is in 22 days, so I have to think fast on how or what I will say.

BTW, I am very active in my local community and my DH is a minster and we are sooo active in the church as well.

Any thoughts would greatly be appreciative.

I thank Tessy for this post..

a lady at my old hospital fabricated a story I used. I work in a hospital where they are always going to be understaffed. If anyone thought I had the option of putting it off, then they'd make me put it off forever, and then talk about me when i wasnt there. Dont get me wrong, I like them all, but eh a few of them do tend to gossip about anything and everything. So anyway a good friend of mine at my old job had previously worked as a gastro nurse so this is what she told them. She didn't tell anyone she didn't have to, but the people who flat out asked her, she told them she was having abdominal surgery, that she had developed a lot of ulcers in her stomach and intestines. She said she had to have a portion of her stomach removed and a portion of her intestines due to the ulcers. She said where she worked for a gastro surgeon they performed this surgery on occasion and the ppl often lost a lot of weight like we will. So anyway everyone fell for it. I haven't told this lie yet, but i do plan to. All I had to tell the ppl I work with is I'm having abdominal surgery. I'm sure when the weight starts dropping off (well it already has but i mean drastically) there will be questions. So that's what I plan on saying. I do not like to lie, but I also don't like to be gossiped about.

DON'T-----------TELL-----------ANYONE.

trust me.

Ditto Sue.

You dont know who someone will be in 2 years anyway. I learned the hard way.....

It's a personal thing, wether to tell or not...I did. And everyone who knows was and still are very supportive.
I work in a Dr.s office and see up to 38 people everyday. They usually are on a 3 mo return schedule and are amazed with my progress. I am very open about having the surgery done and will answer any questions I get asked.
I am proud of having my DS and taking control of my weight, being off my diabetic meds,cholorestral meds and bloodpressure meds.
I figure people will have their own opinion and if they don't approve or like what I have done, that's their loss!
Evelyn

Thanks everyone, you all make great points and I'm so thankful for the support here on OH.  It's very interesting to me that looking at everyone's surgery date I can see that although a lot of the newer people are telling others, almost all of the DS "Vets" responded recommending not to say anything.  Wonder if there's a lesson in there?

YeSSSSSSSSSS there is a lesson there!  if you do tell   or don't tell it's your decision and stick with it.

Hi Tessy!   I work in the human service field on a 24/7 crisis hotline with a bunch of social workers and therapists, and we're a pretty close-knit, supportive group of people to begin with.  I've been talking with my co-workers all along about my decision to have WLS, so once it got scheduled, they were all very supportive and excited for me.  Also, we've had a surge of WLS here, since I'm the third one this year. Actually, it'll be interesting to see how each of us does, since one had the lapband in February (and she's not doing well with it, sadly, and has already said she probably should have had the DS), one just had RNY and is still out, and I'll be having the DS. I'll be off over the Christmas holiday, which is a bad time to be out when 24/7 coverage is mandated. But that's when my parents (who will be my support team/caregivers) are available, so I didn't have much choice in the timing. We have a large staff (over 100 responders on the hotline) and quite a few co-workers are talking with me about the DS and considering it for themselves. I'm trying to pay it forward as much as possible! 

I absolutely understand other's reasons for not telling, and I think it's a very individual, personalized decision based on how close you are with your co-workers, how supportive they are, how supportive you feel they are, and how you see them reacting to and talking about other co-workers.

Let us know how it goes this week.  Sending energy! 

I, too, was in a position where the timing wasn't exactly spiffy at work. So, when I had a surgery date and figured out who to tell and how to say it, I was vague.

I told my direct report at my company and that at the client I would be having abdominal surgery to address some on-going issues and that while it wasn't life threatening, I did need to take care of some things before they grew worse. I explained I would need 6 - 8 weeks off to ensure I had a full and complete recovery.

I did not share the fact of my surgery with any of my co-workers or anyone at the client's office (which had a very thick gossip mill and everyone there is either a food pusher or a food cop. Ugh!) for precisely the reasons others before me have mentioned. Plus, I tend to be a very private person anyway.

I essentially put the ball in the court of my bosses about who to tell from there. Especially when it became obvious I wasn't there.

My plan once my weight loss becomes more obvious is to continue with not sharing any details and being vague. I foresee saying "Thanks for noticing", "I'm working really hard on my health" and "It's really a private matter" over and over and over again.

My health choices are no one else's business.

I asked this question a few months before my surgery and here is the link to the post: 

www.obesityhelp.com/forums/amos/3881097/to-tell-or-not-to-te ll/

I found that it was mostly a matter of personal style and you need to be true to yourself in order for it to fit within the rest of your experience. I am a very open and sharing type person. If I were to need to keep something so major to myself at a place where I spend over 40 hrs a week I would be very uncomfortable - in essence I would be going against myself. You need to find your own peace with this decision and you certainly ahve enough information / opinions / reasons to go either way. Good luck.

I ended up writing a letter explaining what I was doing, including explaining the surgery so that they knew how it was different from the Band, etc... and I also spelled out what I would want / not tolerate. I secifically addressed not accepting or allowing anyone to be my food police pr well intentioned "helpers" and I also told them I had already made my decision based on long soul searching and research and I had no need for anyone's horror stories. I then posted this on Facebook for my friends and spent copies to my family just like my annual holiday letter. They all loved it. I was able to inform everyone at the same time, eliminate a lot of the gossip, and take back or retain my power in the situation by taking charge of the information. I don't regret how I did it at all. If you want to see the letter I wrote just let me know.

I'm being vague.  

1) If they thought I could postpone, they'd ask me to postpone.  And there's never going to be a good time for me to off for 3 weeks.

2) I don't want to keep explaining myself.  If I don't want to talk about it, they'll stop asking questions

3) I've lost all sorts of weight on my own before and they know that.  The timing corresponds with the beginning of the year resolutions, so I'll just start going to the gym and stop eating crap

Good luck.