Worst news in my life...need help on ideas from my second family
As for treasures,
Alison can keep a journal for all 3 kids with special moments, happy words, thoughts and memories of things that go on in a day. It could be something she could put on tape so the kids will always hear her voice.
Make a DVD with family pictures, favorite songs, things that Alison loves. My hubby made one for his sister it was her life on a DVD with all the things she did in this world and all the lives she touched. It was healing to watch it and I still feel she is near when I watch it.
Debbie
Alison can keep a journal for all 3 kids with special moments, happy words, thoughts and memories of things that go on in a day. It could be something she could put on tape so the kids will always hear her voice.
Make a DVD with family pictures, favorite songs, things that Alison loves. My hubby made one for his sister it was her life on a DVD with all the things she did in this world and all the lives she touched. It was healing to watch it and I still feel she is near when I watch it.
Debbie
I HATE/DETEST/DESPISE CANCER.
When we found out that my newborn nephew would live 2 years at the most due to a fatal disease he was born with, we had a mold of his tiny hand made. It is the absolute neatest thing. We keep it in the curio cabinet. It is a great reminder of his person. I don't know if that is appropriate for an adult, but I know that I would find solace in it if my mom died and I needed her. The other thing that we do is signify Max with hugs and kisses. At every holiday, we purchase candy hugs and kisses and put a bowl full on the table and that is a sign that Max is always with us. I will be praying for you and for her and for all involved.
When we found out that my newborn nephew would live 2 years at the most due to a fatal disease he was born with, we had a mold of his tiny hand made. It is the absolute neatest thing. We keep it in the curio cabinet. It is a great reminder of his person. I don't know if that is appropriate for an adult, but I know that I would find solace in it if my mom died and I needed her. The other thing that we do is signify Max with hugs and kisses. At every holiday, we purchase candy hugs and kisses and put a bowl full on the table and that is a sign that Max is always with us. I will be praying for you and for her and for all involved.
HW 448 SW 427 CW 228 GW 199 for now!
All I can say is what I would do if it were me. I wouldn't look at it as 10 years left to live. I would look at it as 10 years to find something else. Who knows where medical technology and cancer treatment will be by then. That's a very long time.
She's lucky to have such a great friend to help her with this.
She's lucky to have such a great friend to help her with this.
Lori,
I am so sorry to hear your news. I just went through a major cancer scare with my Mom in August so I feel your pain. Have you ever seen the movie P.S I love you? Maybe she could do something like that? Get letters together to have her children open at the most exciting times of their lives. Their wedding day, birthday's etc. Also the power of prayer is amazing! She could have a long life ahead of her. I will include her in my prayers!
I am so sorry to hear your news. I just went through a major cancer scare with my Mom in August so I feel your pain. Have you ever seen the movie P.S I love you? Maybe she could do something like that? Get letters together to have her children open at the most exciting times of their lives. Their wedding day, birthday's etc. Also the power of prayer is amazing! She could have a long life ahead of her. I will include her in my prayers!
(deactivated member)
on 12/1/09 12:10 am
on 12/1/09 12:10 am
Lori,
I am so very sorry about your friend.
I am glad that she has a friend like you.
I am not very creative but will try to think of ideas for you.
One of the best birthday presents I have ever received was a DVD from my youngest boy with pictures of all my kids from the time they were little until they were grown kind of in a timeline with music that goes along with the pictures. One of the songs was Josh Groban, "You raised me up".
I still cry when I watch it. so awesome! Maybe you could compile something like that with pictures that start whenever and then go in a timeline and pick the music to go along with it.
You did a wonderful job with your weightloss story, you can do something like that for her and her family, maybe.
My heart goes out to you and your friend!
Michele
I am so very sorry about your friend.
I am glad that she has a friend like you.
I am not very creative but will try to think of ideas for you.
One of the best birthday presents I have ever received was a DVD from my youngest boy with pictures of all my kids from the time they were little until they were grown kind of in a timeline with music that goes along with the pictures. One of the songs was Josh Groban, "You raised me up".
I still cry when I watch it. so awesome! Maybe you could compile something like that with pictures that start whenever and then go in a timeline and pick the music to go along with it.
You did a wonderful job with your weightloss story, you can do something like that for her and her family, maybe.
My heart goes out to you and your friend!
Michele
Lori - I have no real advice, just wanted to say that I cannot even imagine what you're going through. I lost my father to cancer - but if I found out this news about my best friend I am not sure how I would function. My husband has my heart, but my best friend keeps my soul. I don't know how you are bearing it. And i'm sorry. Thinking all the strong and courageous thoughts I can for you both.
Kristin
Kristin
7/19/09 - DS with Dr. Alfons Pomp
7/11/12 - tummy tuck, UBL, larg lipo sculpting of torso, lipo of "buffalo hump" with Dr. Sauceda
Lori,
We love you too. You really don't know how much time she has. Actually, none of us knows for ourselves or anyone else. It may sound cliche, but all we have is the present moment. You are stuck in fear of the future, which is understandable given the news. Individualized videos for each of the kids, perhaps on birthdays or once a year, whatever, came to my mind.
More important is that you use the time you have as best you can. My Katey fought her cancer over 20 years before it spread to her lungs. Even with that, she still had almost a year to live. We made the best of our time together. I would call her every night. I saw it as my job to make her laugh. We both shared a very similar sense of humor and I learned to appreciate the importance of making each other laugh as one of the most essential components of a good relationship. We would talk and laugh for hours, sometimes with tears streaming down our cheeks.
I can tell you and your friend know how much you mean to each other and that your children also know how much you love them. All I can think of is do as much as you can together. Parenting can be a challenge in that the need to discipline children can often lead one to overlook all the positives in your kids. Attention is too often given to correction, while a focus on all the good stuff is not dwelt upon. Take the time to recognize all of the positive attributes of your friend and she of her family. Ultimately, that is the best we can do for anyone close to us.
Hugs.
Peace,
William
We love you too. You really don't know how much time she has. Actually, none of us knows for ourselves or anyone else. It may sound cliche, but all we have is the present moment. You are stuck in fear of the future, which is understandable given the news. Individualized videos for each of the kids, perhaps on birthdays or once a year, whatever, came to my mind.
More important is that you use the time you have as best you can. My Katey fought her cancer over 20 years before it spread to her lungs. Even with that, she still had almost a year to live. We made the best of our time together. I would call her every night. I saw it as my job to make her laugh. We both shared a very similar sense of humor and I learned to appreciate the importance of making each other laugh as one of the most essential components of a good relationship. We would talk and laugh for hours, sometimes with tears streaming down our cheeks.
I can tell you and your friend know how much you mean to each other and that your children also know how much you love them. All I can think of is do as much as you can together. Parenting can be a challenge in that the need to discipline children can often lead one to overlook all the positives in your kids. Attention is too often given to correction, while a focus on all the good stuff is not dwelt upon. Take the time to recognize all of the positive attributes of your friend and she of her family. Ultimately, that is the best we can do for anyone close to us.
Hugs.
Peace,
William
To teach something is to have it. To have something you must be it. Teach peace, for that is what you are.
To listen to me sing: www.youtube.com/watch
Lori, my heart aches for You and your dear friend Allison and her family. Yes, cancer has proven to be a horrible evil enemy in my life as well.
My husband lost his mom suddenly at 10 years old, and I will agree with some of the suggestions above...Recording her voice, via video, and tape because he desperately wishes he could hear her voice, laugh again.
A journal/camera for each child, because they can put there own private thoughts, mementos, pictures, feelings, memories etc. inside whenever they are ready to.
The suggestion about letters at specific times is excellent. I also heard of a different twist. She could leave small 'love notes' all through out the house, tucked in places she knows that her kids (husband) would find one day out of the blue. Can you believe a sweet little 6 year old with terminal cancer did this for her parents? Years later they still find notes and of-course what a treasure they are.
Losing a parent at any age is hard, but when you're this young you need help through the grieving process. My husband said he started 'acting out'. His school started a support group for kids dealing with losing a parent and he said this really helped him cope. He remembers these other kids and their stories some 20 years later. Knowing that other kids DO understand what they're going through. So a support group for families dealing with Cancer during the fight and through-out the process is so important. The hospital could probably help you find a good one.
You be strong, don't forget about 'you'. Please tell Allison to keep fighting.
My husband lost his mom suddenly at 10 years old, and I will agree with some of the suggestions above...Recording her voice, via video, and tape because he desperately wishes he could hear her voice, laugh again.
A journal/camera for each child, because they can put there own private thoughts, mementos, pictures, feelings, memories etc. inside whenever they are ready to.
The suggestion about letters at specific times is excellent. I also heard of a different twist. She could leave small 'love notes' all through out the house, tucked in places she knows that her kids (husband) would find one day out of the blue. Can you believe a sweet little 6 year old with terminal cancer did this for her parents? Years later they still find notes and of-course what a treasure they are.
Losing a parent at any age is hard, but when you're this young you need help through the grieving process. My husband said he started 'acting out'. His school started a support group for kids dealing with losing a parent and he said this really helped him cope. He remembers these other kids and their stories some 20 years later. Knowing that other kids DO understand what they're going through. So a support group for families dealing with Cancer during the fight and through-out the process is so important. The hospital could probably help you find a good one.
You be strong, don't forget about 'you'. Please tell Allison to keep fighting.
My dad has cancer, and probably has about a year or two left and just recently, after a recent hospitalization for pneumonia, I'm having a REALLY REALLY tough time of it. I feel your pain. Geez, I'm tearing up right now. I agree that it's about making memories for her and her children right now. The best gift she can give to those she loves is the gift of her time. If someone can help her out on the mundane issues of life, such as housework, that'd be great. I think it's also important she leave tangible evidence of her life for them. My dad is making me a desk. Completely by hand. It breaks my heart, but I know he's leaving me with a legacy.
One of my daughter's friends mom just died at 50 of breast cancer. She'd fought it for years. My daughter and her swim team mates (of which the friend was also on the team) found out about her death right in the middle of conference swimming finals. Right out on the pool floor, we in the bleachers saw the reaction to this mom's death right in front of us. It was amazingly moving. These girls all gathered, moved to the side of the pool, huddled, and cried. Then, they put their shoulders back, and in one long line, they all held hands and filed back out into the competition and swam their damndest for this girl's mom. It was a beautiful moment, and one of great growth for these teens. Out of the darkest experiences come moments of great beauty, awareness and growth. It might not seem like it at the time, but this woman's children will grow to be sensitive, loving, empathetic individuals. That's one small consolation. I will certainly include your friend and her beautiful children in my prayers, Lori.
One of my daughter's friends mom just died at 50 of breast cancer. She'd fought it for years. My daughter and her swim team mates (of which the friend was also on the team) found out about her death right in the middle of conference swimming finals. Right out on the pool floor, we in the bleachers saw the reaction to this mom's death right in front of us. It was amazingly moving. These girls all gathered, moved to the side of the pool, huddled, and cried. Then, they put their shoulders back, and in one long line, they all held hands and filed back out into the competition and swam their damndest for this girl's mom. It was a beautiful moment, and one of great growth for these teens. Out of the darkest experiences come moments of great beauty, awareness and growth. It might not seem like it at the time, but this woman's children will grow to be sensitive, loving, empathetic individuals. That's one small consolation. I will certainly include your friend and her beautiful children in my prayers, Lori.
Julie R - Ludington, Michigan
Duodenal Switch 08/09/06 - Dr. Paul Kemmeter, Grand Rapids, Michigan
HW: 282 - 5'4"
SW: 268
GW: 135
CW: 125
Duodenal Switch 08/09/06 - Dr. Paul Kemmeter, Grand Rapids, Michigan
HW: 282 - 5'4"
SW: 268
GW: 135
CW: 125
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