DS problem I never thought about....

Kerry J.
on 12/6/09 12:09 pm - Santa Clara, UT
Maybe I'm just whining, but at this point, I'm really at a loss as to what to do about this.

Barb just seems angry at me all the time; I think she's pissed because I can eat and am keeping the weight off.

Of course if you ask her, she isn't angry at me at all; but I've lived with her for 35 years and I know when she's mad. I'm not perfect, but I'm also not rude or mean to her, I always try to make her happy, but I'm starting to get pretty discouraged about this. It just seems like I can't do anything right; no matter what I do it's wrong.

I know I have to find a way to get this worked out with her, but I'm kind of hoping someone will have an idea or suggestion of what I can do.

Kerry
Debbie M.
on 12/6/09 12:15 pm

Hey Kerry,
I'm sorry you're hitting a litlte bump in the road.  I don't mean to state the obvious, but have you asked her what's on her mind.  Could be a million things.  I don't know why a spouse would be angry/unhappy because you lost weight and are keeping it off, I'd think she'd be really happy for you.

Could it be related to the surgery, let's say, friends you've made at they gym or on OH.  It's a part of your life she doesn't share with you.  It's almost like another life and set of friends you have.  You are so dedicated and have helped so many people here, do you think she feels she's not getting time/attention she use to? 

I'm obviously grasping and have no idea.  But after 35 years, I'm surprised she'd hold back and not tell you what's she's feeling.  Maybe she doesn't know.  Is she beyond the menopause years?  Sometimes that makes us tough to live with.

Good luck, hope you get it figured out soon, no fun living like that.

Deb

Kerry J.
on 12/6/09 12:28 pm, edited 12/6/09 12:35 pm - Santa Clara, UT
Barb is the type that will not admit there's anything bothering her, even when it's obvious she's pissed. I've asked her and all I get is "I'm not mad, I'm not upset about anything", but all the while I know she's upset about something. 

This isn't the first time this has happened; but it's been a long time since the last episode.

I really have no clue what it is, just know it's something and I also know she makes comments now and then about what I can eat now. That's the only reason I think it's about how easy it is for me to keep the weight off. She is doing OK in that department, but she has to work harder than I do now and it used to be the other way around.

She went to stay with Tracy & Jon last week for a week and came home last Friday, so she's only been home since Friday afternoon and will hardly speak to me except to complain about this or that, that I haven't done the way she wants it done.

I'm not real worried about it as it's happened before and it just takes a big blow up to finally get it out of her what the problem is. I just hate to have to go through the whole drama just to find out what the problem is.

I'm just hoping someone will have an idea I can use to break through and find out what the problem is. 

Kerry

PS Edit to add about the menopause years. Barb had a like total postpartum melt down after she had Tracy in 1984; she was a real basket case for over a year. Finally had a hysterectomy and has been on hormone replacement ever since. 

sunnidayrain
on 12/6/09 12:20 pm - TX
There is another DS member on here that posted several days ago that her husband had been on the same DS "diet" as she was in order to be supportive of her  in her DS life.. High protein.. low carb , normal fat.  SInce April the husband.. WITHOUT the DS or any other weight loss surgery has lost  90 lbs.

Here is the post.

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/DS/4075716/Is-the-DS-lifes tyle-good-for-those-around-you-too/

Anyways.. I was wondering if your wife had tried to eat like you do.. Low carb, high protein.  Even if she doesnt need to lose weight then she would not gain that way. Maybe ya'll could cook together even and make new low carb recipes and spend time together that way. 
 
Its just an idea.. ..
   If all else fails.... Flowering plants are wonderful!.. and there are some very pretty Christmas cactus' and Amarilis  and even cute little decorated trees on sale.
 I highly reccomend this flower shop for Live flowering plants  ( not cut flowers. )
http://www.jacksonandperkins.com/gardening/GP/page1/page1

Good Luck to you Kerry.

PS. You are  such a wondeful husband to be concerned over your wife as much as you do. It makes me proud that there is still men of integrity.







                                       
 Adoptive mom to 3 children with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders     
Kerry J.
on 12/6/09 12:34 pm - Santa Clara, UT
Barb is scared to death of fat; I get whole milk, she gets skim, she does drink the same protein shakes and does the low carb diet too. She isn't really overweight; she wants to lose 10-15 pounds, she's 5'6" and weighs 145 (I think), but she used to weigh 112-120 she was one of those people who could always eat what ever she wanted and stay skinny as a rail...until she turned about 45. Barb looks great, but I think she's just mad because now I don't have to work at keeping the weight off.

Don't worry, I'll keep at it until I get to the bottom of it.

Kerry 
Ms. Cal Culator
on 12/6/09 11:53 pm - Tuvalu
Kerry J.
on 12/7/09 4:29 am - Santa Clara, UT
Thanks for the reply Sue, but I don't think it has anything to do with my appearance and I don't think Barb has any bad experiences from back in the old RNY days. I was pretty much a workaholic back then, but there has never been anyone else for me but Barb.

We'll work it out, I'm just a little frustrated right now.

Kerry
Amy Farrah Fowler
on 12/6/09 12:21 pm
Don't underestimate the head games it plays on your partner. I've been on both sides of this coin in long term relationships, and lost a 20 year marriage in large part because of this very thing.

I'm not sure I have the best advice, considering what had been a happy marriage just spiraled out of control, and neither of us took aggressive steps, because we thought we had such a solid bond. Now, of course I'd be much more aggressive dealing with it, and force the communication about it. If I couldn't get down to the nitty gritty with just the 2 of us, I'd hire a counselor.

It may be something totally unrelated to you, and just pass. You've obviously done something right to work it out with her for 35 years. Maybe she just needs a little coaxing to talk about it.
Kerry J.
on 12/6/09 12:42 pm - Santa Clara, UT
Thanks and I'm not underestimating it, I'm concerned and will get it solved one way or another. 

I suppose it could be something unrelated to me but I really doubt it.

Kerry
Ahrie
on 12/6/09 12:37 pm - Dublin, OH
I can so relate to this one Kerry! This has not been particular helpful for my marriage either.........Seeing a lot of similar things. Will be interested in seeing the ideas.
 
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